Those of you who've seen my posts you know what I've been through. I hadn't visited in ten days but I went to buy milk today and bought her a beautiful potted lily, which I dropped off. She was on one of her better days and informed me that the physio had guaranteed she'd be walking again in three weeks.
She broke a hip a year ago and the surgeon told me she'd probably never walk again, which she hasn't. She cannot sit up or stand alone yet she keeps getting out of bed into her wheelchair on her own and often ends up on the floor.
The physio knows more than a surgeon? I suspect she's just guaranteed that my mother will walk in three weeks to keep her attending physio, which is a good thing, however if my mother can't walk in three weeks time (and she's now obsessing about it) all h**l will break loose.
I've noted the dates in my calendar and in three weeks time I'll be going MIA, underground, not visiting and supposedly out of town. I see the logic of keeping someone going to physio but guaranteeing something that will never happen is, in my view, very cruel.
Oh and the visiting social worker, who I've spoken with a few times doe to chaos my mother was causing, cornered me in the parking lot as I left today suggesting I read a book about how "sensitive caring people" deal with abuse. Excuse me??? Dissecting it, psycho analyzing it and reliving it only keeps it fresh, when we need to get past it, let it go and rebuild our lives which is exactly what I'm doing.
I'm British, of the old school. We're a bl**dy tough lot and there's nothing we can;'t overcome. You reckon I'm going to break down into a snivelling heap for some part time social worker? Good luck with that! Sorry but I'm angry tonight, over the lies told to my mother and being treated myself like I'm a lost little child and close to looney. I'm wondering if she has private pratice and tries to lure people in for pay.
Tonight I feel that I should, in the presence of the NH owner and admin, call both the social worker and physio out, but what good would it do? They'll just deny it and close ranks. All I can do is visit occasionally and stay far away, not letting anyone get at me. I've more than paid my dues. It's my time now, time to take my life back and rebuild
Your profile states about your elders problems and demise but it doesn't say you were a caregiver for them. Care to elaborate?
I've been doing so well yet this cr*p today has set me back and I'm in tears. Why the Sam Henry won't people leave me alone to recover and get well? I will do whatever I have to to be left in peace.
I am really puzzled, though, why you are so angry with the physical therapist? You know you mother well enough to not believe everything she says. Yes, her obsession is frustrating and will cause problems in a few weeks, but why blame that on a therapist? Why do you think you should call the PT out in the presence of the owner and the admin? Sounds like Mother is still pushing your buttons, even while you are trying to detach.
If someone takes the time and trouble to recommend a book to you, you can simply say, "thanks, but I'm handling this in my own way." Why would you have to call the social worker out in the presence of the owner and the admin?
I can understand your desire to be left alone to recover and get well. Do it. If other people make suggestions you certainly are under no obligation to follow them. Hearing this crazy notion that Mom thinks she will walk in three weeks is frustrating and stressful. But it is not really your problem. You did not cause it. (Probably nobody did.) You will not be called upon to fix it. You have a good plan regarding dealing with it. So let it go. Try not to lash out at anybody who happens to get in your way.
I told my mother that I didn't think I had been anything but nice. She said that is what he told her, that it had been when they were in the front yard talking. That told me everything I needed to know, since she hadn't been in the front yard at any time they were there. She made the conversation up.
She does this fairly often. After she makes up a conversation, it becomes fact, so I don't even try to argue the point. I have a feeling it is common for people with dementia to do this, so please give the PT the benefit of the doubt. I suspect the PT would not want to compromise their reputation by saying something they know would not be possible. (Still I think it would be great if she could walk again.)
As she's determined she's been guaranteed walking in 3 weeks, whether it's true or not, when that doesn't happen the sh*t will hit the fan and that's their problem. As I've changed my phone number and she doesn't have my cell number she can't get at me any more, driving me into the ground on a daily basis.
My life stopped five years ago and, apart from my beloved dogs, my world is empty. I'm staying away from her as much as I can and getting out to meet new people, do things that interest me and rebuild my life.
You can't reason with a dementia patient; that's what is so sad and tragic. I gained a better understanding of that this summer when my mom broke her hip; they did a CT of her skull, because she had fallen. Half of her brain is no longer there. It's amazing that she can talk, but not at all amazing that she doesn't "get" what's going on around her, doesn't reason in a way that we would recognize as reasoning. It's more like the "magical thinking" that 3 year olds do--if I think it (walking, getting better, having money)--it will happen. Give yourself a break and stay away for a bit. Get better and strong for the last chapter.
LOL. This was a very funny visual, Ashlynne. :-)
Keep doing what you're doing to take care of yourself and to have some peace in your life. You deserve it. I'm sure the social worker was just trying to be nice. And she probably caught you at a vulnerable moment since you had just visited your mom.
You've made some tough choices in order to heal and to care for yourself. If you don't want to be up to your ears in your mom's care let the complaints to the staff go. When your mom doesn't miraculously get up and walk in 21 days she'll find something else to obsess about if not before. And having had a parent in a NH I know from experience, as do you, that you never get a satisfactory answer to anything. The right hand has no idea what the left hand is doing in any NH in the country. You've done a great job in distancing yourself from your mom in a way that works for you and still fulfills your obligation to her. You've been successful at detaching so keep doing that not just with your mom but with the whole god-forsaken nursing home. Getting into a he-said-she-said thing with them will disrupt the peace you're trying to maintain now.
Get through the birthday and then lay low and continue to maintain a healthy distance. Healing is a process, not a destination (that sounds so corny, like a bumper sticker).
Eyerish I drive transport for a dog rescue from time to time and, when I do, I get "Oh, do be careful. If anything happens to you what happens to me?" Soooo I could be laying in a hospital seriously injured or worse - who will run her errands? Seriously, life long she's been me, me, me, me, me. I've given up.