My Mother, who just turned 77, has lost 12 pounds in a month & has acid reflux. The gastroenterologist has put her on every medicine there is. She still has it but that's not the worst part. She started telling us that she justs wants to die. A month ago she had a fall but nothing was broken, she did have a slight scrape on her back. Since then she has essentially quit eating, barely drinks any liquid, will not walk, she is in a wheel chair now, does nothing for herself now. She does live in a nursing facility because she had a slight stroke 3 years ago & she wanted to get therapy & never recovered from that. I have taken her monthly to eye specialist, she claims she is blind, but she is not. She has worn sunglasses indoors for 3 years. So now she almost is. She constantly wants to go to the Dr. for her allergies,she has & is on Allegra, & the Dr. said he can't help he rbceause of her deviated septum. She refused to have it fixed. She sits in her shared room, no lights on, arms crossed & does not talk to her room mate or even her children. My brother was diagnosed with stage 4 tongue & throat cancer in September & we were all focused on him during his treatments. He is in remission but Mother gave up when he told her he had cancer. Mother now ways 90 pounds, I can see her bones in her head. Her eyes arre sunk back, her cheek bones are recessed, her arms are bones. When I try to encourage her to get out of the room she refuses. She doesn't eat or she picks at the food & might drink 1/2 cup of Ensure. I have 4 other siblings & we are at a loss. The physciatrist is upping her appetite enhancer/anti depressant & wants to give it 30 days to see if she improves. I want to have hospice come in to help but the they want us to wait to see if the med increase works. I am confused & need some encouragement, help, direction.
You could check with hospice, but since the psychiatrist is working on it, you could give it the time he asks to see if this last ditch effort will work. In the end, if you've done everything possible and she still has no will to live, she will die. Hospice would keep her out of pain during the process. You may want to talk with them now, though they'd likely wait to come on board until after the doctor gives the okay. Still, you can get information. Take care of yourself so you, too, don't become ill.
Carol
I lost my Mum at 4, so envy all the good years you all must have had with your Mum, I had the proverbial wicked stepmother extraordinaire....5 star medals at it.
It will be horrible to see her go down like this, but you know, she likely feels she has come to the end of her personal road, perhaps wants to be with those who
have gone before her. With respect, who are any of us to judge.
My heart and thoughts to with you but do not fight her, we all have the right to own our own end, and it will help her.
Spend what days you have with her as happy ones rather than days where you are in conflict over her decision.
Psychiatrists do not always have the answers, and she is clearly a strong minded woman. We are all individuals, and may her days be as kind and free of pain as possible.....
The symptoms you describe with your mother sound as though she is aware of what she's doing and the lack of eating is part of her "refusal mode". As a previous post noted, refusing to leave the room, talk, eat, to participate...is the last and only way she can control her life at this point. I think it is beyond depression. It does sound to me like she's ready to go. And this may be hard to hear and I'm sorry if it hurts you but...eventually her body will give up.
From what you've described, there's nothing you can do to change what she wants or doesn't want to do. I know it's hard to watch...it's shockingly tough. I can only recommend for you to continue to visit her and try to make it a pleasant experience..not asking or forcing her to do anything that she doesn't want to do but talking about fond memories or things she's interested in. Nothing that's stressful, sad or anything that requres her to make a decision. Prepare yourself mentally for further decline in your mother. And concerning her medical treatment...I would focus on keeping her as comfortable as possible.
I wish you, your mother and your family...peace.
My mother also had acid reflux; the reason why her stomach had migrated to her chest cavity and she needed nisson fundocplication surgery...have the gastro doctors does barium and other internal exams? In my moms case, non of the meds worked for this for obvious and now clear reasons.
Sometimes people turn around for the better on hospice. I wouldn't give up yet; she reacted to your brothers diagnosis and it has been since then, from what i read that has caused her to behave this way. Please keep us posted.
I am in Spain, and across the waters, know that you are supported. You have come to a wise but painful decision.
It will please your Mum, and society does not train us for so many things, parenting, loss etc.
Believe one thing, she will always be with you, watching over you until the time
you re-unite. You are allowing calm, courage and peace in her life which brings
good karma in yours.