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She is now couch surfing wherever anybody will let her come and stay. She has already stayed with multiple family member's and burned her bridges. She does have a monthly income of $1600 a month from SSA that either gets spent by her ordering online un-needed items or my younger sister steals it from her. She has always been the type to take advantage of others and making people feel bad for her when she can’t get her way. My younger sister who has three kids ages 9,12 & 15 and is habitually homeless, also tags along with her when they find an unexpected soul that takes them in, or they move in with somebody that’s renting a house and the person moves out but they stay and have to be evicted within months because they tear up the house and don’t pay the rent! Am I wrong for giving up trying to help because I truly don’t know what to do anymore! People that don’t know her have actually asked why her family isn’t helping her, but because they don’t know what she has done in the past, we look like the bad guys🤔 we stay in Macomb County, Michigan and I have called adult protective services and they told me because my mom is of her own accord they could not help me. I have also called the police about my younger sister stealing money from my mom, but then my mom defends her and said that she gives it to her so that she will not get in trouble. All this is just crazy to me because my mom is pushing 80 years old and I don’t know what else to do.

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If you are not her legal guardian or PoA *and* she doesn't cooperate with any plans anyway -- then you have NO POWER in this situation so just let her have her life (and your sister, too) and move on to live yours.

You aren't responsible for her happiness. You didn't break her and you can't fix her. We don't get to pick our family members (like spouses or friends) but you can choose how much or little you interact with her. I suggest zero interaction. There's just no point.

So sorry for this situation. May you receive wisdom in choosing your boundaries and peace in your heart as you move on without them.
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Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents was very helpful to me. Lindsay Gibson. Also Jerry Wise, getting the destructive parents out of you and seeing how you were programmed to have a role self that benefited the dysfunctional parents and family. There’s many great free resources on YouTube, Terri Cole, Patrick Teahan and many others. You didn’t cause this, you can’t fix it. They are grabbing on to you like a drowning swimmer because they have never done the hard, insightful, work of healing themselves and never will. It’s too scary and easier to just look for an external solution and fix, you. It’s not fair to you. They fear abandonment and will sacrifice you to meet their emotional needs. It’s extremely impactful to finally understand this and see how it has influenced your life, choices, and make changes moving forward, for yourself. You are not alone.
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Oh, Nina, I'm so sorry you've had to witness all of this. Really, there isn't anything you can do. If you look up Mel Robbins's "Let Them" videos, that might help.
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My sincere condolences on all this dysfunction going on in your life.
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Thank you, everyone for responding! To answer a few of the questions that have been asked, I believe my mom has a form of some mental illness, but because she is aware of it and is embarrassed by it she is very adamant about getting treatment for it because then she feels that people will know that she has something going on with her! I have known her PCP for years because he was also my grandmother‘s PCP until she passed. I have discussed with him about what’s going on. He had been wondering why she hadn’t been showing up for appointments since the last time he asked her and told her he wanted her to get a Neuro cognitive exam. She was very upset by that and took offense that he would ask her to do that. She does not like people to know her business at all. The rules that she violated at the subsidized apartments in Mount Clemens, Michigan was that she did not pay her rent and she got caught letting my sister and the three kids live there in the one bedroom apartment! And yes, this has been a lifelong behavior of hers. She has been married multiple times just for someone to take care of her and then when they divorce her she is back homeless again. As far as her having a POA, she is not allowing that at all! My middle sister and I tried to get a payee involved when she was living in a group home environment at one point before she lived at the subsidized apartments. She refused and eventually got put out of the group Home environment because she was not wanting to pay her months by month rent there! I am the oldest (58) and have a lot of health issues and do not want to be her POA, My middle sister has mental illness and could not be her POA if she wanted to! Our younger sister is a documented thief and has been to jail for that and she could probably never be our mother‘s POA! So she’s just floating around on borrowed time
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Nina, I'm sorry, when I first clicked on this question the details you wrote didn't load, so it looked like you had only given the info in the headline.
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Nina, there is nothing else you can do, or need to do! Your mother's $1600 monthly income should be enough for her to live on, if she were responsible.
She has not behaved responsibly, getting kicked out of everywhere she goes. I just feel badly for anyone who takes her in!
Please, don't YOU take her or your sister in! They are not your responsibility, just because you are related. What about your sister's 3 kids? Are they enduring this homeless nonsense? Are you or any other family member able and willing to take custody of the children? You can call Children's Protective Services and have them investigate. I would use caution, however, because I don't believe that separating children from their mother (even in non-ideal circumstances) is always better. Then, they end up in the Foster system, which may not be better for the kids.
I have a family member who took custody of her 3 grandchildren after reporting her daughter to DPS multiple times. I know the kids miss their mom, but they are in a much more stable environment.

For anyone who wonders why you are not helping your mom, there really is nothing you can do that will change her situation. You could provide housing for her, or give her money, and none of her current lifestyle will change. She is choosing to live this way, and there is nothing you can do about it!
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Yes, it is fine for you to distance yourself from family members that will not take care of themselves and cause misery wherever they go. If anyone asks or tries to shame or guilt you let them know you have done your best, but it was not enough and now you need to protect yourself. Repeat as needed. You might want to get therapy as well if this has been a lifetime of toxic behavior by your closest family members.
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No, it's not wrong of you to disengage from this madness. When "concerned" folks ask why family isn't helping mom and sister with 3 children, ask them if you can give all 5 of them THEIR address and phone number?? See how fast they shut their mouths and never ask you again.

Steer clear of this chaos. Your mother looked a gift horse in the mouth by getting evicted from subsidized housing, so now it's up to her to figure out what to do next.
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This must be incredibly frustrating. Has she been diagnosed with specific dementia and/or mental illness? What are the rules she was violating? Is this a lifelong pattern, or did it emerge in recent years? Does anyone have her POA or access to her financial accounts?
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