My Father died in 1996 suddenly. In his will he left me his commercial property where I worked as a child and adult. Working for your father is very different - try asking for a raise, day off, lunch break, etc. My father will always tell me someday this will be yours. My fathers will stipulated that I receive the commercial property and I am to provide my mother with an income for the rest of her life from the rent of the property. My father bestowed the property to me because I was his only son, there is me and 2 younger sister siblings. My mother and I did not have a great relationship. This was because possibly my mother was immature for age 22 when she gave birth to me ( my father was 28 ). I have found her to be abusive to me both physically and mentally. My sisters had a different view of my mother, possibly because my mother was a friend to them ( maybe she wanted all daughters ) and catered to their wishes. I was independent my life- working with my father and doing other jobs along the way - that because my father did not like to pay me and always said dont worry the place will be yours. Now my mother has become very pissed off at me because she feels I do not give her enough. My mother collects Social Security, A ira distribution from my fathers account, and collects $ 18,000.00 per year from me tax free from the property. Now my mother never worked a day in her life and my father gave her and catered her to a nice lifestlye. And my sisters are telling me and my mother is telling me that I have to continue this lifestlye. I told them she must learn to live on a budget. This is something that she never did. I told everyone this is it - I am married with 2 kids and I have to look out to their future and my future as well. My sister keep harping on me and I have had enough of this BS. I want to tell everyone to go F themselves so bad as well as the rest of my other family members who turned against me. Am I wrong to live my own life and be left alone take care of my business ?
This has nothing to do with how well you get along. It has nothing to do with what she gets from other sources. It has nothing to do with whether she worked or didn't work all her life.
It seems to me it is about honoring your father's wishes. He left you the property. That part is easy to honor. He stipulated that you provide for your mother out of the income. Was the will any more specific than that? Do you know what your father had in mind by talking to him through the years? $18,000 certainly isn't enough to maintain a "nice lifestyle." Is that what he expected?
Frankly, I don't think your father handled this well at all. He should have paid you competitive wages all along -- not promised you pie-in-the-sky "all this will be yours." And if "all this" was to be compensation for your hard work, then he should have left it to you exclusively, and made other arrangements for his wife. He left you in a very uncomfortable situation, especially since you do not feel close to your mother.
Certainly you should live your own life and take care of your business. But part of your "business" now is providing for your mother. How did you arrive at the $18,000 per year? That sounds low to me, but I have no idea how much income the property generates, or what your father had in mind. You have already been providing for her for 17 years (probably longer than your father anticipated). How old is your mother?
I understand your urge, but I hope you don't give in to it and alienate the entire family. If possible (and it isn't always), having decent relations with an extended family is something else parents should try to provide for their children. Your father handled this poorly. If everyone wants to be mad he would be an appropriate target! But you have to deal with what he did, not what he should have done. Would you and your mother consider mediation to come to an equitable amount for her out of your business, per the terms of the will?
I am sorry for your stress and discomfort. But your father set you up for this. Your father knew what your mother was like and left this mess for you to deal with and that was just not fair.
If I was your sisters, I'd be ticked (assuming that they didn't get left anything?). It's hard for us to give you good advice because we're only hearing bits and pieces (like you just added the piece about your mom's gambling problems). I'm sure your mom would have another take on the situation. I think your dad enjoyed his power (in life) and in death is still wielding it, so that everyone is unhappy. That's too bad for all of you...get a retired judge to look over everything and see what's fair.
Hopefully you have employment that provides for your family. This commercial property income would make a nice nest egg for your retirement and your children's education. Hopefully, a PCA/Financial Planner can help you put your financial house in order before it is too late!
Good luck!
Your father put you in a bad spot simply because, from his point of view, all goes to you because you worked the business. Your sisters have been left out of it completely due to thinking that their husbands will take care of them?? I hope if you have daughters you are not thinking the same thing. Anyway...the point is, you are giving your mother money to live on and she is blowing it as fast as it comes in. Maybe a third party who can be assigned to take care of giving your mother her 40% that basically leaves you out of the picture. I understand that you have to support your family as well. Such a difficult situation when other family members are targeting you as the bad guy. Good luck with all this!!