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The above humor was sent to us by our New Zealand client. I was reading it today at work and had a difficult time giggling without making noise. I thought of sharing it with you - in case you need a little laughter today.
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Yep Book fix dem brakes.
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Confessions of a Cop from Reader's Digest.
Title: I Love Calls About Wild Animals.
We once got a call that 2 men - one in boxers, the other in a Speedo - were bothering some peacocks. Now, I have experience with big birds, so I suspected this would be a self-correcting issue. Sure enough, a new call came in: "Two naked males being attacked and chased by feral birds."
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Comedian Mark Lowery humorously tells about his motorcycle incident. I was laughing so hard.... as he said.. you know how your mother tells you to always wear clean underwear....

Google: Mark Lowry cut off my britches

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It's amazing how this magician was able to turn the plastic easter egg into a chick..and fooled these 2 women.... Well, it took him a while to persuade the first lady who was so sceptical.

Google: Magic clerk Easter Chick.
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Just discovered this thread and will take some time later to read it through, but just wanted to offer a few suggestions:

a. Watch a few survival shows. They're artificial, scripted, and frequently so lacking in common sense and real survival modes that they're more comical than informative (although there have been a few in which some real knowledge has been demonstrated).

However, if they want to be in real survival situations, all they have to do is go to Syria, Nepal, or any other country in the midst of war, strife or natural disaster.

b. I think I have a Chicken Soup for the Caregiver's Soul book in a section of my personal library that I haven't checked in a long time. Sometimes those real life stories are so emotional they're heartening.
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GardenArtist, I'm constantly struggling with depression. Before I had Facebook, I came here and posted funnies to help get me out of my funk. And touching stories to see that there are some 'good' in the world. I come back and reread or rewatch the YouTube videos to uplift myself.
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I grew up in WV. There was a mountain near us people called "Big Ugly". If you lived in that area folks would say, They live over at big Ugly. True story: A woman murdered her husband. The Charleston Daily Mail ran the headline: Big Ugly Woman Kills Husband........
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Sometimes you just can't reason with people when they're wrong.. and they win by getting actions done against you.

Google:
Penny Hayes: Argument Over Basic Math In Facebook Yard Sale Group Goes Viral, Gets Woman Kicked Out

Penny Hayes is giving 2 prices for her soap products - by individual costs or by case.

An Excerpt:
Rachel Penney = Umm i think uve got ur math wrong mam. $12 for a case of 48 makes them $4 each and ur post says there $.35. Just curiouss if that's a misprint.

Penny Hayes = Umm...12 divide 48 = .25 which means that a case of 48 would be .25 cents each by the case...if u want them individually they are .35 cents each...so u are getting a small deal by buying a whole case...thanks for ur concern with my math...but I'm a very intelligent individual! =)

Rachel Penney = I'm not rude but ur math is horribly wrong. It 48 divided by 12 which is $4 each. And all is only around $4 for 96 loads in the store. Its just not cool to rip ppl off.

{conversation continues}

Penny Hayes = Try it this way... if u have 48 bottles and they are .25 cents each then that equals $12... 48x.25=12

Rachel Penney = No my math is right and ur just tryin to rip ppl off. U should try not bein a scam and. I'm reporting u to the admin as well as advising ppl on several sites not to buy from u.

{more conversation}

Christi Morgan = Ok I'm the administrator here. If you have 48 bottles in a case. You divide that by $12 which is what you are asking for the case. That's $4 a bottle. You are taking advantage of people. So, I'll be deleting this post as soon s you've had time to read it and then you will be deleted from this group.

{conversation continues}
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My math is bad but not that bad!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Saw this on Facebook...

How Long can your sign hold a grudge?
Aries: 24 Hours tops
Taurus: Until they die. ... Maybe not even then.
Gemini: Give it 30 seconds
Cancer: Years
Leo: Until the end of time
Virgo: Couple of months
Libra: 0.02 seconds unless you really messed up
Scorpio: All of eternity
Sagittarius: Two days
Capricorn: Don't even bother apologizing
Aquarius: a year
Pisces: 2 months maybe
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Scorpio, not at all surprising!
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Capricorn here, maybe I'll forget when the dementia kicks in
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I have always hesitated when looking through the snacks at Asian stores. This YouTube video got me laughing... And wanting to try the ones that they liked.

Google:
Eh Bee Asian Snack Challenge.
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I couldn't help laughing on this - a post on my FaceBook...
...............

GET OUT OF THE CAR!
(supposedly a true account recorded in the Police log of Sarasota, Florida)

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping &, upon returning to her car, found 4 males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"
The 4 men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out & ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car & got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get the key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a frisbee and 2 12-packs of beer in the front seat.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked 4 or 5 spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into the car & drove to the police station to report her mistake.
The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.
He pointed to the other end of the counter, where 4 pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
Moral of the story?
If you're going to have a senior moment ... make it memorable.
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Just asked my boyfriend how to spell geri-psych
He replied "Who's Gerry?"
LOL made me think of the old telephone jokes-
"Telephone for Gerry Psych, is there a Gerry Psych here?"
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There's a very touching video of a husband/wife. Husband has Alzheimer and one day he disappears. Wife calls the police and found him. I had tears at the end of the video. Wife needs to treasure this rare moment. It's posted on Sun Gazing's FaceBook.

Google: Sun Gazing - Police found this man with Alzheimer's. What he was doing will....
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Will google that, Book.

And while you all are googling google "iPad chopping board"
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Glad, that was funny! I watched the original version and was laughing at the granddaughter's expressions. Then tried the English subtitles- that's inoperative. So rewatched it in the original. Anyway, her expressions just tells it all.
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Ha! I was able view the English subtitle version video. Made it even funnier. Not granddaughter...but daughter. Thanks. I'm going to share this with my family.
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Book, yes that was very touching. He was on a mission that s for sure! And best part is he accomplished it with just a little bit of help.
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I enjoyed this ingenious (and funny!) marriage proposal. At least Australian Liam Cooper did not do the typical 'sports arena' proposal. He chose a great song and skit. What's more, I was laughing at the girlfriend's reaction. Although I did find it tastefully done, I still think that marriage proposals should be private. How can you say 'No' when friends, family and strangers are all waiting for you to answer - and the expected answer of 'yes'?

Google: Australian man's epic movie theatre proposal.
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The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date wearing a see-through blouse and no bra.

Her grandmother pitched a fit, telling her not to out like that. The teenager tells her, "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes.

The next day, the teenager comes downstairs, and grandmother is sitting there with no top on.

The teenager wants to die. She explains to Gram that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate...

The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."

- courtesy of facebook post
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Google "aspirin cardio auction"
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Glad, I had an idea of what was going to happen. And I still gasped out loud when it happened!
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I was going to post "why am I so grumpy?" I guess this is what I need a little more of! Thanks!
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From Facebook...

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard; I could tell from his collar & well-fed belly that he had a home & was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner & fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, & I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in the yard, walked inside & resumed his spot in the hall & again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful dog is & ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day, he arrived for his nap,with a different note pinned to his collar: "he lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3. He's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"
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(From FaceBook) .... Nurse telling the account:

It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman, in his 80’s, presented to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

I Asked him if he had a doctor’s appointment this morning somewhere else, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer Disease. As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him. “And you are still going every morning, even though she doesn’t know who you are?” He smiled as he patted my hand and said. “She doesn’t know me, but I still know who she is.”

I had to hold back my tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, “That is the kind of love I want in my life.”

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will always be. No matter what the situation is, true love remains.

TRUE LOVE is forever, faithful & loyal.
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A woman comes back from her doctor's appt. She is telling her husband all about it.
She says "he said my cholesterol is down, my thyroid is normal, blood pressure good etc. etc." Husband comes back with "what did he say about your big, fat ass?"
Wife says"Oh we didn't talk about you at all dear"
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Gershun, thank you! I giggled on your post.
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(From FaceBook)
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the ‘seniors’ special was 2 egss, bacon, hash browns & toast for $2.99.

My wife said, “Sounds good. But I don’t want the eggs.”
The waitress said, “I’ll have to charge you $3.49 because you’re ordering a la carte.”
“You mean I’d have to pay for not taking the egss?” my wife asked incredulously.
“YES!” stated the waitress.
My wife said, “I’ll take the special then.”
The waitress asked, “How do you want your eggs?”
My wife replied, “Raw & in the shell.”

She took the 2 eggs home and baked a cake.
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