Need a little laughter or humor to lighten your day?
Sometimes I feel so tired - of work, of caregiving, of family, of just life in general. It's the same thing over and over. Wake up at 615am, change dad's Depend, skip breakfast because I'm running late for work, I'm late again for work. Stress from work, headaches by noon time. Come home exhausted, aching, and no dinner. The minute I arrive, sis is gone. Dad wants this or that, and I still need to eat dinner - it's now around 630-700pm. I usually end up snapping at him because I'm HUNGRY, tired and hurting. But most of all - Irritable.
I turn to the TV to help me find laughter. Lately, it's the show "Sex sent me to the ER" that has made me laugh so much. It is just sooo funny! Irritating at times, but funny. By the time the show is over, I'm feeling so much better.
Sometimes, I come on Agingcare.com wanting to share some funny stuff I read or saw on TV. And I have no where to share this with you all. I don't feel comfortable putting it on the YOU or the DYS or even Parents say Funniest Thing threads/discussions. Because it just doesn't 'fit' in those category.
So, I've decided, I'm going to do a discussion thread in which I or anyone else can freely come and share something that made them laugh or smile.
These are my favorites - that I watch/read over and over, when I feel so down.
FROM AGINGCARE:
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/you-know-you-are-caregiver-if-163390.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/funniest-thing-aging-parent-said-to-you-152708.htm?cpage=1
GOOGLE FOR LAUGHTER:
1. Pepsi Maxx & Jeff Gordon presents: Test Drive 1 and Test Drive 2.
2. Dinosaur Pranks from Japan
3. Coffeeshop New York Carrie prank
GOOGLE TO TOUCH YOUR HEART:
1. Canadian Bank Thank You Automated Machine
2. West Jet xmas gift 2013
Dementia Community:
Google - CNN's World's Untold Stories: Dementia Village - YouTube
(This is sooo unique, int the Netherlands! I cannot vision this in the United States.)
This is what I wanted to share with you all. I hope at least one of these helped with your day. =)
During a visit with my grandmother, my husband noticed a birthday card from a local funeral parlor.
"That was nice of them," he said.
She was unimpressed. "They only want me for my body," she grumbled.
(by Carmen Schmeiser)
Dogs With No Place To Pee (a not for profit, non-political organization) urge campaign volunteers, homeowners, and public works departments to remove political signs as soon as "humanely" possible (a little k9 humor, see what I did there).
"Well," says Mr. Smith, "I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and the good Lord looks out for me. For weeks now, every time I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he turns the light on for me."
Concerned, the doctor finds Mrs. Smith in the waiting room and tells her what her husband said.
"I don’t think that’s anything to worry about," she says. "And on the bright side, it does explain who’s been peeing in the fridge."
When I was a boy
My mamma would sent me down to the corner store with a dollar
and I'd come back with 5 potatoes, two loaves of bread,
3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea and 6 eggs.
You can't do that now...
Too many security cameras ;)
I quoted her airfares on Korean Air $3771.28 and China Airlines $2773.76.
She responded back in email: "Based on my simple math abilities, it's $100.00 difference between the airlines. I prefer Korean Air.
I stared at her reply. Scrolled down to reread my email. Did I do a typo and instead of $3771.28, I had typed $2873.76? No. No typo. $3771.28 - $2773.76 is NOT $100.00.
I emailed back: "Korean Air is $1,000 more than China Airlines."
She replied: Confirmed. Not a math genius.
One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems okay but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again, she seems alright – but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.
Later, the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So, Ma', how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.
"It’s pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won’t let you fart."
A man goes to the Doctor, worried about his wife’s temper.
The Doctor asks: “What’s the problem?
The man says: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my wife seems to lose her temper for no reason. It scares me.”
The Doctor says: “I have a cure for that. When it seems that your wife is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don’t swallow it until she either leaves the room or calms down.”
Two weeks later the man comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The man says: “Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my wife started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and she calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?”
The Doctor says: “The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick”.
Seen at the DMV
Notice to customers...
This camera is specially made not to take ugly pictures.
If you have a complaint about your photo, we suggest that next time, you bring a better face for your picture.....Thank you
Psychiatrist vs. Bartender
EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM:
'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'
'How much do you charge?'
'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.
'I'll sleep on it,' I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.
'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'
'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!'
Male and Female characters discovered the hidden underground laboratory which had the skeletal remains of a man sitting at the table. The male character was reading aloud the dead man's journal of trying to create something similar to the Fountain of Youth - to delay his aging.
Male was reading aloud the deceased man's journal about trying to capture one of the Muses, " .... I have altered the workings of my devices..If I can but capture her, mayhap I shall wrest from her at last the trick of Endless Life..."
Both Male and Female paused and looked at the skeleton man.
Female looked up at Male and said, "I've seen Better Plans...." {to find a way of living forever}
Male replied, "Yeah..."
Today's riddle...Here is the situation:
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop-off.
On your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to
overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation ?
Think logically before you track down for the answer...
Quietly get off the merry-go-round and go home!
(Hope our enjoyed this one)
"Slip-slidin' away, slipslidin' awa-aa--aay/Oh the nearer your destination, the more you're slip-slidin' away" (How do I know this? I have the Paul Simon cd in my car. Listen to it endlessly! Think he's a poet.
a ride on a snowmobile in minus 27 degree weather. Came home with frozen snot all over my face. Not a pretty picture.:)
Sliding would require more nourishment to keep warm. Better make sure you send Windy lots of liquid warmth in breakproof bottles for his journey. Maybe he could try a sled dog trip - that would be really exhilitaring...kind of like a marathon Iditarod. The dogs would help keep him warm. Nothing like snuggling up to 8 or so furry sled dogs.
Like the old Paul Simon song right?
too you'd be so pie-faced by the time you got here you'd of forgotten your own name let alone all your funny jokes. No, Windy you have to fly. Theres just no other way.:)
Windy, I think you have a new career in your future.
I guess you know all the lawyer jokes then? Like What do you call 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
Now windy would you consider flying up to Vancouver and being our Christmas entertainment this year? Union wages? Consider it.
It's an adversarial process but you have to be civil to achieve a contract acceptable to both sides. Through the years I developed good working relationships with most of the folks on the other side.
One lawyer particularly, was a bit sqeemish with my jokes. I would always tell the latest lawyer joke to try and get under his skin, like: WHY DONT SHARKS EAT LAYWERS WHO FALL OVERBOARD? PROFESSIONAL COURTESY......
There's hundreds of those. He never had any ammo to shot back till one day he told the following story:
This Union guy was on vacation in Nevada. He's walking down the street and sees a sign for a cat house. He goes in and the Madame asks if she may be of assistance. He gives her a short speech: "Now look here! I'm a union man, been a union man all my life, my father and grandfather were union men too ya know. What kind of cut do the girls get in this here establishment?" To which she replies, "The house gets 80 and the girls get 20." He says, "I cannot do business with your establishment. You are exploiting your employees for profit!" He leaves in a huff.....
This scenerio is repeated at several houses of ill repute throughout the city when lo and behold, he sees a big neon sign: CANDYS HOUSE OF PLEASURE. OUR GIRLS ARE MEMBERS OF AFL CIO LOCAL 25379.
He's amazed at his good fortune. He runs up the steps into the lobby and asks the Madame about the wages. "The girls get 80% and the house gets 20%" she tells him. He says he is a good union man and would like to do a little business here. She leads him into a lounge and tells him to pick out one of her girls. He looks around for a bit and indicates that he would prefer an attractive young lady sitting nearby. The Madame says, "No, you'll have to go with old Sadie over there. She has more seniority."
There will be two in each store. One regular dentist office and one express dental service for people with 15 teeth or less.
Did you know the tooth brush was invented in West Virginia? Yes, cause if it had been invented anywhere else it would be called a TEETH brush.
Do you know why it's so hard to solve murders in Alabama? Cause the Dna is all the same and there are no dental records.
The country boy was in the big city visiting his cousin, the Italian Stallion. City cousin was determined to show the country boy a good time and tells him to meet him after work at a popular singles bar. He also tells his hayseed cousin to stick a big baking potato in his pants as this always attracts the girls. Later that night the city cousin walks in the singles bar and sees his hillbilly cousin, takes one look at him and says, "OMG! You're supposed to put the potato in the front!"
Only one,but the lightbulb has to really want to change.
By the way Windy.......I am impossibly blonde with a little help from my hairdresser. :)