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Yep, that's a 7.... When I got the 9, I redid the numbers different ways. No matter how I added it up, I consistently came out a 9. From the comments I read on this by posters, majority - like 75% - said it matched them.

Baby bro fits more of 9. He is soooo funny. A lot of people like him, because he can just start a conversation, and have people laughing.
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I'm number 2. Got a joke for ye all since its Halloween an all.

What's grosser than gross?

Two vampires fighting over a used tampon.
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Bookluvr, my birthday is in the middle of July, too, and I should have been a 7 but on this it came up 6 which isn't even close. Guess I am part of the 25% :]
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Freqfler, I don't see myself as a 9. I'm torn between a 4 or 6. I'm a conservative who walks around with my head in the cloud. I didn't want a desktop computer, fave bought me one anyway. When VCR came out, I didn't want one, sis got it anyway. iPod came out, I didn't want it, she got it anyway. I gave it back to her because my desktop was on dial up and the iPod requires wireless to download music. Laptops became popular, I was happy with my old desktop. Older sis got me a laptop and a Nook ereader. Then the iPads became popular. I was happy with my Kindle and Nook. Fave sis recently got me the iPad Air. As you can see, I'm resistant to new technology. But my siblings make sure I'm up to date. Except I've put my foot down on cellphones. I still use prepaid 'dinosaur' phones. Fave sis calls all my Not Smart phones as dinosaurs. My phones will remain phones. Until they find a decent rate for me to want a smart phone. I pay $10 prepaid minutes that last me 2 months with my dinosaur cellphone.
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Lady goes to her local hardware store, she needs a small wooden knob for her dresser drawer.mmshe finds a perfect match and gets in the checkout line. There's a strapping young fellow at the cash register. He says, "Will,that be all for you mam?" She says yes, I think so. He then inquires, "Do you wanna screw for your knob?" To which she replies, "No, but I'll do Ya for that cute little toaster oven over there".
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A lizard walks into a pharmacy, or rather tries to. It's legs are wobbly and it is flopping all over the place. It manages to get to the pharmacy counter and hands up a prescription. The pharmacist looks at it, goes in the back, and about a minute later comes out with a bottle of pills which is handed down to the lizard. The lizard pops the cap, takes a pill, and waits. In about a minute it is walking up and down the aisles just fine, then it starts running and finally 'zip' right out of the store.
A customer watching this asks the pharmacist what was filled for the lizard.
"Viagra."
"What????"
"Yeah, it's suffering from a reptile dysfunction."
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A local small town drug store was broken into last night. Nothing was taken except for all the Viagra in the store. Police don't have much to go on but they know they're looking for a HARDENED criminal........
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Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is old, Jenny decides that after their wedding, she & Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she's concerned that her aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities, Jenny prepares herself for bed & the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens & there is Roger, ready for action.

They unite as one. All goes well. Roger takes leave of his wife and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her door, and it's Roger. Again he is ready for more 'action.' Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling.

When the newlyweds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Roger is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old , ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other.

But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good for once. You are truly a great lover, Roger."

Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says, "You mean I was here already?"
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A sweet young couple came into a ministers office one morning and asked if her would perform their wedding ceremony. He cheerfully agreed and they began discussing the details. They explained that as part of their religion that had taken a vow of abstenance for the first year of their marriage.

Just a few months after the wedding the minister tuns into this young women on the street. They make polite chat for a minute and the minister says, "Not to be nosy or anything, but how has it worked out with the vow of abstenance?" "not so well", she replied. "I was wearing a kinda short skirt the other day and I bent over to pick up a can of beans, and my husband was overcome with passion so we ended up making love right there on the floor". The minister inquired,"Oh my, did you get expelled from you're church?" To which she responded, "No, but they did ask us to leave Krogers".
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So that's why one of the Kroger aisles was blocked off the last time I went there.
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Good one GA!
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HILLBILLY LANGUAGE TEST

C M PUPPIES

M R NOT PUPPIES

O S A R

C M P N

L I B !

M R 2 PUPPIES !

Any Hillbillys out there?
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Okay, after reading these over several times I've finally figured out the conversation, all except for the L I B. Clues?

And, yes, it is a challenge to figure these out - I didn't a clue until on the first reading. Guess I'm not a hillbilly (hopefully not).
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If you've ever said, "Honey, will you move that transmission so I can take a bath?"
You might be a hillbilly......

*stolen from J Foxworthy, redneck jokes
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If you've ever said, "Honey, will you move all your plants out of the bathtub so I can take a shower", you know you're married to a gardener.
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Actually, it could be any or all of the following requests:

"What are all these little trays of dirt doing underneath the lamps?

Why are there heating pads underneath trays of dirt on top of the frig?

Why did you remove the backing from the bookcases, and what are all the books doing piled up in laundry baskets while there are trays of dirt with little green things coming out of the dirt on the shelves of the bookcases?

Why has the kitchen table been covered with more trays of sprouting green things?

Why are all these milk jugs been cut off at the top and filled with dirt, and what are they doing lined up in the breezeway?

What are these containers of seeds doing in the refrigerator?

What are those windows doing being propped up over some kind of frame next to the garage?

What in heck did I marry?"
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Ever watch Hot in Cleveland, tape to watch every morning, get my day started with a laugh. Betty White is 90 and still going strong on the show. If i live that long I hope thats how I'll be at 90. Her humor keeps her going! Great thread!
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I remember watching that show. It's so funny. Then they changed the schedule and I can no longer find it. Our cable provider display the program show on a certain channel that scrolls through the channels titles for 7 and 730pm. Very time consuming and too fast for me to read the whole title. Sometimes I have to wait for it the 2nd time. I rarely go there. Gives me a headache with all that scrolling... I miss that show!
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Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
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One Winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob & his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out & moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out & moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.

Bob's wife is very upset, & with a worried look on her face, says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"

With love & understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
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A spinster church lady type gets a job in her uncles hardware store. Her very first customer is a burly, gruff construction worker. He asks he to show him the files. She asks him what kind of file he is looking for and he tells her he needs a Bastard file. She is very offended, tells him she is a good Christian and will not permit that type of language in her presence and tells him to get out. Her uncle hears the commotion and asks her why the guy is leaving in a huff. She tells uncle he was cursing about a Bastard file. Uncle explains that there is indeed such a file, flat on one side, half round on the other. He tells he to calm down, they can't afford to lose business like this. The very next day another construction worker comes into the store and ask her to see some files. She leads the fellow down the aisle where the files are located, picks up a file and says, "Would you like this little bastard?" He replies, "No, give me that big M F....er up there".
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There were two brothers, Bob and Bill, who lived out in the country. Bill was slightly crippled and walked with crutches. They were simple folks, lived together in the old family farm house, did a little farming and worked as hired hands on other farms occasionally. The entered and won a raffle at their church for a trip around the world.

When they retuned from their trip Bob was at the feed store and a neighbor asked him about the trip. Bob said they went to New York City and he went to the top of the Empire State Building and enjoyed the nice view. The neighbor asked how Bill liked the view. Bob said Bill didn't go up there cause he's crippled ya know.....

Bob told of going to the top of the Effiel Tower but Bill couldn't make it cause he's crippled ya know.........

They made it to the Leaning Tower of Pizza, but alas, Brother Bill, he's crippled ya know.

The neighbor asked where Bill was. Bob replied that he was in the hospital with a broken arm. How did that happen asked the neighbor. Well, said Bob, right after we got back from our trip we went to see one a them faith healer fellars down at the church. He was a healing people left and right and he called to brother Bill to come up to the stage. He put his hand on bills forehead and yelled Come to Jesus Brother and throw you right crutch away! And then he yelled, Come to Jesus brother and throw that left crutch away!

The neighbor was astonished. He asked, Well what happened then? Bob replied, Well he fell down and broke his arm. He's crippled ya know.......
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Ron, an elderly man in Florida, had owned a large farm for several years, which had a pond at the back. It was suitable for swimming, so he fixed it up nicely with picnic tables, horseshoe courts & some orange & lime trees.

One evening, the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting & laughing with glee.

When he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence, & they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

Ron frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up, Ron said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Some old men can still think fast!!
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I just watched a YouTube video that had me laughing so hard that I had tears in my eyes. I have never seen this comedian act before. I plan to share her link to my siblings (who don't have FB.) I just kept laughing throughout the video, even to the end. The title sounds very derogatory towards men, but after watching the video, I didn't think it was. More like a light bulb moment for the husband - when it was too late...

Google:
Jeanne Robertson "Don't send a man to the grocery store!"
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Amused by a wag who decided to tamper with a road sign over here. The sign said Speed kills and some wag had written underneath
SO DOES DRIVING TOO FAST
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What is a wag? Someone that defaces signs? i don't think we have a special name for them here.
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Stupid road sign in northern MI:

DO NOT PASS WHEN OPPOSING TRAFFIC IS PRESENT

Intelligent response someone spray painted on sign:

NO S....T!
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Glad, a wag is a prankster lol
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Thanks cwillie!
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Windyridge, OBVIOUSLY some driver must have tried to pass when opposing traffic was present. Hence the sign - which anyone with some common sense would have known this.
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