Just need support.
I'm very new to this world of having a parent with dementia. Seven weeks ago my dad broke 3 ribs from a fall, and 36 hours after being in the hospital, he went into alcohol withdrawal. We knew he was a heavy evening drinker, but didn't realize just how much. Also had A-Fib, Diabetes, overweight, etc. Following withdrawal came respiratory failure, put on life support twice within a week. Between the withdrawal and ICU experience, his body has been through the ringer. As he became more alert he showed signs of dementia. All the doctors were sure he had plateaued and wouldn't get better. Fast-forward to today: He's been in a memory care/nursing home for a week and is getting more alert and remembering more every day. Definitely has some level of dementia, though. However, he talks nonstop with the staff and is much more coherent than the other residents. He wrote me and my husband a little letter, apologizing for being argumentative with us the day before. He remembers things from the past and from day to day. I think my issue is that I can't see the future. :) It doesn't seem like he belongs there, but if he doesn't get any better than he is, he'll be stuck there. At least that's how I feel. He wants me to "pick him up and take him to a hotel just for a night or two." He wants out, which I know is normal. Ugh. That's all for now. This is hard.
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Find an Al-Anon meeting to learn about alcoholic behaviors, how manipulative they can be, and for the support you need as you establish the courage to develop boundaries.
My heart goes out to you. I'm the adult child of two alcoholics. My dad died 5 years ago. Mom is 94 with stage 6 Alzheimer's living with us (for now).
Life was hard with Dad's drinking because it came before anything else. Mom had her binge drinking moments during my childhood too. From birth to 5 yrs. old, I watched more booze fights than I care to remember. They finally divorced when I was 5. That lifestyle hurts the whole family.
Your dad possibly had some brain damage if he was a constant heavy drinker. Talk to his doctor about this.
From Alzheimer's Society website;
Alcohol-related brain damage (ARBD) is a brain disorder caused by regularly drinking too much alcohol over several years. The term ARBD covers several different conditions including Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome and alcoholic dementia. None of these is actually a dementia, but they may share similar symptoms. However, in contrast to common causes of dementia such as Alzheimer's disease, most people with ARBD who receive good support and remain alcohol-free make a full or partial recovery. In addition, there is a good possibility that their condition will not worsen.
This is good news. Of course, he will need to stop drinking to reap the benefits.
Like gladimhere said, most alcoholics don't want to stop drinking and will do anything to get a bottle. God knows my dad did. He convinced my ex-husband to bring him beer and wine in the board and care facility. Sheesh! That will be the reason for the hotel trip for a couple of days. He may have physically detoxed during the 2 weeks but his mind hasn't.
You certainly have been through an exhausting time with your dad's health. Hopefully, your dad will recover and see just how close he came to loosing his life. Unfortunately, a lot of alcoholics are so engrained in the lifestyle and in denial, there's no way they'll quit. There are "helps' out there-Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, Antibuse (a medication that keeps you from drinking by causing a violent reaction when alcohol is ingested, detox and half way houses, etc.
Your dad has to WANT to participate in them and not drink. As glad said, don't enable his drinking behaviors. NO trips to a hotel for a few days. You will not take him anywhere or be around him of there's alcohol involved.
Drinking is the cause of his overweight, diabetes and At-fib. Alcohol in large amounts, wreaks havoc to all body systems.
You will need to take it day by day to see the future as it unfolds. No written guarantees. He may have lost it for good and he may recover some of his mentation.
I'm sorry, I know how much this hurts, especially since the cause is of his own hand.
Dad has some significant diseases other than the dementia and broken ribs, and needs to be stabilized after all he has been through. Supervised care is the thing he needs right now and that is what he is getting.
Another problem that is serious and crops up in alcoholics is liver failure, this can also cause dementia.
As you say you are new to this and everyone here will tell you it is a steep learning curve.
Don't take everything you read here as gospel mostly it is peoples' opinions and experiences. Do some research yourself on everything he has got wrong with him and ask lots of questions of the staff careing for Dad.
He may remain dried out if Dad stays in memory care but that is not going to make his other problems go away magically. The A fib is particularly worrying. Does he have a good cardiologist?
John Chapter 2 vs 1-11 says, He turned water into wine but never said that He
DRANK any!
That's my dad. It used to work, not anymore! Still learning how to handle those situations when they arise, with big thanks to AC friends!
Keep on reading here jennycat68