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I sympathize with all of you, my mother is seeing things that aren't there, I hope her dr. has some answers on what might be causing it, she started doing this even before the heart problem developed.

Anyone having similar problems or any ideas on what could be the cause, thanks!

Mari
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Dear Ballnchain,
I 'm here to let you khow that we (me) do care and I know that what you are going through is like beating your head against the wall sometimes. You see what your mom is doing or going through and you feel helpless in trying to do something about. I can understand that you don't go over there because of the mess and that they(your siblings) don't see it or care. But you have to do something to help your mom, you are going to be stepping on some toes but remember it's for your mom.I had to step on a few too and now I'm the bad guy but you know what, I DON'T CARE. I know that mom is safe and that is all that matters.

Barb
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Hi Ballnchain,
Barbees is right...do it for your mom. Do not worry about what other people say or think about you...until they fill your shoes then maybe they will understand. I think my brothers have a picture of me in their spare room and throwing darts at it.

You know what!!! who cares!!
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ANTIECENENT... THOSE WERE THE EXACT WORDS I SAID TO MY ONLY SIBLING.. MY BROTHER... YOUR DAUGHTERS ARE WATCHING EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE WITH MOM AND YOU WILL BE TREATED IN KIND....... DIDN'T HELP.. BUT BY GOD I PITY HIM WHEN HIS TIME COMES...
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Ballnchain....This is a very supportive sight, I would be crazier than I am normally without it. We can only share our experiances and let you know we DO care about you, the stress your under and the decisions you have to make.Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. We may not have magic answers but we do have alot of prayers, thoughts and gratitude for all who participate here. You are in my prayers.
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I do believe kids see what is going on and many will react to what they see in how they treat their own aging parents. But many people don't see that when it's their turn to up to bat.

The good people on this site, struggling to keep on doing what they are doing, or finding a different way to care for others, will be showing their own children their caring natures. There is good in doing good.
Carol
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Thank you all for the hugs. Cat, I think you hit the nail on the head when you explained about the noise. I have always been noise sensitive and have noticed the days she is "screeching" that my nerves are shot by the time the day is over. I have never had it explained that way and now I can find a solution. ( I guess earplugs are out since I do need to hear the IMPORTANT stuff, too. lol) anyway, I got a good nights sleep and was rarin' to go again this morning. It was very foggy most of the day and she was a little more subdued and not so vocal. Will let you know what solutions I come up with about my noise issue. Oh my God, now I have another ISSUE!!!!! Thanks to all of you, you make my days so much brighter.
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I know what you mean, when my dad passed away my brother and younger sister became POA's for mom they decided that mom couldn't stay in her home by herself anymore and were going to sell her house. My sister already had a buyer for it. This house is our family home, we've lived here since 1960.So my older sister moved in and took care of mom. Then my sister got sick. She passed away in 2001 of cancer. My brother never went to see her the whole time she was sick,he said there was too many hard feelings . Can you imagine how my sister felt knowing that her brother would say that? So now it's my turn to help mom only this time I asked them if I were to buy the house how much would it be? They didn't know that I had already made arrangements to buy it I just needed a price. So I bought it now they can't use that excuse. She lives with me until her time comes. My daughter,who worked in a home also, lives here along with her two daughters the oldest is going to college to be a nurse the youngest is a senior.So let them try to say the mom isn't getting the right care.Now we found out that my brother has terminal cancer of the brain the Dr. say between 6 months to a year.He left his family (2 kids) when they were very young and married a woman that had 2 kids of her own. His new wife completely alienated him from his kids and most of his family now he is trying to reach out to us for comfort I am trying but it is really hard because of what he did to my sister and his kids. But I'm doing what I can. Now we find out that my little sisters' husband has Cirrhosis of the liver and the only thing that will help him is a transplant.So now I have to be a shoulder for her also. She is one of those material girls.Money gets you everything kind of person. We got into it once about me not staying with a job for more than a year. I told her that I didn't care about money,it's the skills that I'm getting from my jobs.O, well , that's another story. So the saying "What Goes Around Comes Around " does happen.
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I know my little story with it's nasty moral may have offended some, but the moral is true. And, oddly enough, I know whereof I speak. After taking care of my mother for seventeen years ( while also taking care of my family) I took care of my brother, who DID live in a packrat house, and it did have bugs, Solution is: clean the house, spray the bugs. I did this while taking care of my own home and family, so it can be done. Now I take care of my extremely ill husband ( who tomorrow may lose his other leg) The thing is, if things aren't the way they should be, do something about it.
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You're a strong woman, Auntie, and it's always great to hear from you. I don't think you offended anyone. Some people are in postitions where childhood abuse was so bad that they can only do so much without endangering their own health. But for most of us, it is true, if we don't like it, change it. And our children (eventually) will probably model our behavior.

Keep contributing. We have such a great group of people, and you are certainly one of them.
Carol
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Now that I have cooled down some, here are practical suggestions.

Round up your husband, kids, and, if possible, your siblings. Go over on a week-end to clean out that house and spray the bugs. Clean up the dogs and either take them home to one of your houses, or to a no-kill shelter. Call Meals on Wheels. Grocery shop for things that it's easy for your mother to prepare. Do the laundry. Wash and style your mothers hair.

You will be surprised how much better this will make you feel about yourself, your life, and your mother. (and your siblings, if they chip in with help. Maybe they just need to be shown what needs to be done. Some jobs just seem too big, until you start them.) It will also be a great lesson to your kids about service to others.

If you are a religious person, this is what your god would have you do. If you are not a religious person, this is simply the ethical thing to do. Humans have a responsibility to one another.
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Hi no posts for me recently well a whole 24 hours so going through withdrawal, so I thought I would stop in and say Hi to all of you and let you know I am praying and thinking of you and your loved ones. Just got a call from one of the hospital employees has a time sensitive item for me how sweet, I am so blessed that so many people do think of me and do nice things for me so see it does come back to us not always when we need it the most but it comes. Have a restful day if you can and take time for you don't forget hot bath, candle, music, hot chocolate or tea or wine whatever the ladies pleasure is. neon
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Reading all of these posts, I guess I'm blessed only to have the gripes that I do. My brother and his wife had a chat with her at Thanksgiving when they visited about things and how she could work WITH me rather than me work FOR her. I've also learned not to be such a softy since she is so strong willed and manipulative. I realized who was actually in control of this situation and it's ME once I got rubber sheets :D

She's been managing to let me sleep in the early morning by hopping into her wheelchair and getting herself to the bathroom. Then she rolls along to the TV room, all by herself. I guess knowing she could do this the entire time frustrated me into a form of depression from sleep deprivation :D Thanks to my sneaky brother and his dropping of hints :)

Also, I'm going into the hospital soon and her options are either go to a Senior "resort" for a short time, or have caregivers twice a day come feed/potty her and she'll fend for herself in between. She doesn't want to go to the "resort" so is trying to show me she can fend for herself. I make her do just that during the day which is making her physically stronger and she is finding out she can do more than she thought.

Like I said, these ole buzzards are CRAFTY!!!

Will keep you all posted!!

Good luck to all of you and hang in there. Be strong and communicate. Communication with us, your church, a good friend. It all helps to air out issues so you can see more clearly what exactly the issues are.

Hugs!!
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Way to go, Noodlehead!!! Isn't amazing what they can do on their own. I asked her if she wanted to help me sweep the other day, No, she just didn't feel like it. That evening she was out RAKING THE YARD!! I just have to get off the roller coaster every now and then, get my perspective back, and laugh when I can. Glad to hear you are doing better with all this. Hang in there. Cyber-hugs and have a good weekend.
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I just came home from the hospital for a few hours. My husband is in a Level 3 coma. Treasure those you care for, even if they drive you crazy now and then. They won't be there forever, and the opportunity to show your love wil be gone.
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Dear Auntiecedent,
I know what you mean. My dad , 2 brothers and sister and I were never really close but I would give anything to see or even hear their voices again. I think that's why I'm holding on to mom so.


Take Care
Barb
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The hospital just called. My husband is dead.
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Dear Auntie,

Our thoughts are with you and we are here for you whenever you need to talk.
Barb
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Dear AuntieCedent,

know we are here for you now and always,

Cat
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My goodness Auntie. I've stared at that post for over an hour and I still don't know what to say. I wish your husband peace and you comfort. Like everyone has said, we are here for you.
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Thoughts and prayers are with you AuntieCedent, we are here for you.
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We are here to support you in the only way we can. We can "listen" through the written word. And our thoughts and prayers go with you.
Carol
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Dear AuntieCedent,

So sorry to hear about your husband. My thoughts and prayers are with you. God Bless you and your family.
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DEAR AUNTIE,
MY HEARTFELT SYMPATHY GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. WE OF COURSE WILL ALL CONTINUE TO KEEP YOU IN OUR PRAYERS. KEEP COMINING BACK TO THIS SITE. YOUR BURDENS WILL BE LIFTED THROUGH CONVERSATIONS WITH ALL THE WONDERFUL FOLKS ON THIS SITE.
JUDI
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So sorry Auntie to hear about your husband. My thoughts and prayer's are with u and your Family. God Bless
CLL007( Cindy )
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Auntie, my thoughts and prayers are with you, may god bless you and know you are in my prayers. sandy
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I guess I share the feeling of frustration when things are going bad. I am the caregiver of my friend that is estranged from family and suffering from depression. It isn't easy being a sole caregiver and do all the financial, medical and legal paperwork. With sick people this can be substantial.
Over the last year I have felt myself in various states of frustration and exhaustion. I find myself taking 15 minute naps a couple times a day or listening to peaceful music that calms me just to survive and not fall into the dark state of mind.
It is important to take my mental emotional pulse. Looking back, there were times I almost went into depression or exhaustion myself. I am learning what it feels like to get into overload and find a safe way to bring myself back. Music and relaxation and having a time to do some activity away from the house, even if I have to hire someone or while my loved one is in the hospital. In fact during hospitalization, I treated it as a time to nurse myself back to health. It kept me from going beyond what I could handle.
Stillsongs
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Stillsongs, I did the same thing. We must take time to take care of ourselves, or we will sink into the black hole. My son has depression among other health problems, so I know how hard it is to cope with a loved one's depression.

Among my seven elders, several had problems with depression.

Your advice is good. If you have a spiritual group of any kind, that will help. Meditation helps me. There are so many forms of meditation - I think every one is unique. I've found what works for me, but I can still "get the crazies." Then I know I need more time to myself and more time to meditate and pray.

Thanks for your wonderful post.
Carol
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Stillsongs,My relief valve are my animals,I'm an avid animal lover/rescuer I've rescued two horses, 13 cats, 3 dogs, 11 pygmy goats so far. When I know that I'm starting to get bumbed out I go out with them. They are so happy to see me ,it just gives you goose bumps.And some of the stuff they do can be pretty funny. So by the time I come back in I'm pretty well calmmed down. They say that animals are good theripy.They are right. I don't know what i'd do without mine.

Barb
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HEY BARB,
I HAVE TWO LITTLE YORKIES THAT LIGHT UP MINE AND MY MOTHERS LIFE. WHEN THE GOING GET'S TOUGH AROUND HERE THEY ENTERTAIN US AND GIVE US MORE LOVE THAN ANY ONE PERSON CAN ASK FOR. MY MALE SLEEPS RIGHT ON MOM'S LAP ALL THE TIME AS IF HE IS PROTECTING HER. THEY PUT A SMILE ON HER FACE MANY TIMES A DAY. SHE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR OVER A MONTH AND COME HOME TWO WEEKS AGO. ALL SHE KEPT TELLING ME IN THE HOSPITAL IS I WANT TO GO HOME TO BE WITH "MY BABIES".. TO HELL WITH ME. HA HA HA!.. WITHOUT THOSE TWO I DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO.
I GAVE MOM A BELL TO RING WHEN SHE NEEDS TO GO POTTY OR NEEDS SOMETHING. DURING THE NIGHT I AM A VERY VERY SOUND SLEEPER AND I FEARED I WOULD NOT HEAR THE BELL AT ALL.. BUT MY SWEET BABIES CAME TO MY RESCUE. THE MINUTE THE BELL RINGS THEY START BARKING AND ARE IN MOMS ROOM BEFORE I GET THERE.... GOD DOES PROVIDE WAYS TO HELP ALONG THE WAY AND I BELIEVE MY TWO LITTLE CRITTERS ARE SIMPLY ANGELS THAT HELP ME AND MOM ALONG HER JOURNEY HOME. ...
JUDI
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