I moved my mother into my husband's and my home in November of 2005. She had fell at home and broke her hip. She was not able to live on own any longer anyway. This gave us an excuse to move her into our home. She was a very independent woman before the accident, but things have changed in the last few months.
Her short term memory is not good at all any more. She can not wheel herself around the house any longer.
She just got out of the hospital back in June about a 2 week stay with a blockage in her colon and then she contracted VRE. That is not fun to have in the home. I felt so sorry for her.
I am starting to have crying sessions it seems like every other day anymore. I do not see my mother any longer I see a person declining quickly. I am feeling overwhelmed and I don't think my family sees it. I have told them I need to get away for a few days, but that never seems to happen. No one has time to watch or be with mom except me. I am the only child so this is all on my shoulders. Her brother is not any help they have not spoke in several years now.
I do not know if I am just going through a stage or if I am starting to get depressed. I am with mom almost 24/7 except when a homemaker comes in daily. A person can go to Walmart just so many times to get out of the house. I seem to have lost my friends because I can not get together with them anymore.
This on-line discussion is a life line for me. This way I can communication with people and see how they handle different things that come up in their caregiving also.
So if anyone has advice please let me know how to get myself under control.
Losing Control
Anyone having similar problems or any ideas on what could be the cause, thanks!
Mari
I 'm here to let you khow that we (me) do care and I know that what you are going through is like beating your head against the wall sometimes. You see what your mom is doing or going through and you feel helpless in trying to do something about. I can understand that you don't go over there because of the mess and that they(your siblings) don't see it or care. But you have to do something to help your mom, you are going to be stepping on some toes but remember it's for your mom.I had to step on a few too and now I'm the bad guy but you know what, I DON'T CARE. I know that mom is safe and that is all that matters.
Barb
Barbees is right...do it for your mom. Do not worry about what other people say or think about you...until they fill your shoes then maybe they will understand. I think my brothers have a picture of me in their spare room and throwing darts at it.
You know what!!! who cares!!
The good people on this site, struggling to keep on doing what they are doing, or finding a different way to care for others, will be showing their own children their caring natures. There is good in doing good.
Carol
Keep contributing. We have such a great group of people, and you are certainly one of them.
Carol
Round up your husband, kids, and, if possible, your siblings. Go over on a week-end to clean out that house and spray the bugs. Clean up the dogs and either take them home to one of your houses, or to a no-kill shelter. Call Meals on Wheels. Grocery shop for things that it's easy for your mother to prepare. Do the laundry. Wash and style your mothers hair.
You will be surprised how much better this will make you feel about yourself, your life, and your mother. (and your siblings, if they chip in with help. Maybe they just need to be shown what needs to be done. Some jobs just seem too big, until you start them.) It will also be a great lesson to your kids about service to others.
If you are a religious person, this is what your god would have you do. If you are not a religious person, this is simply the ethical thing to do. Humans have a responsibility to one another.
She's been managing to let me sleep in the early morning by hopping into her wheelchair and getting herself to the bathroom. Then she rolls along to the TV room, all by herself. I guess knowing she could do this the entire time frustrated me into a form of depression from sleep deprivation :D Thanks to my sneaky brother and his dropping of hints :)
Also, I'm going into the hospital soon and her options are either go to a Senior "resort" for a short time, or have caregivers twice a day come feed/potty her and she'll fend for herself in between. She doesn't want to go to the "resort" so is trying to show me she can fend for herself. I make her do just that during the day which is making her physically stronger and she is finding out she can do more than she thought.
Like I said, these ole buzzards are CRAFTY!!!
Will keep you all posted!!
Good luck to all of you and hang in there. Be strong and communicate. Communication with us, your church, a good friend. It all helps to air out issues so you can see more clearly what exactly the issues are.
Hugs!!
I know what you mean. My dad , 2 brothers and sister and I were never really close but I would give anything to see or even hear their voices again. I think that's why I'm holding on to mom so.
Take Care
Barb
Our thoughts are with you and we are here for you whenever you need to talk.
Barb
know we are here for you now and always,
Cat
Carol
So sorry to hear about your husband. My thoughts and prayers are with you. God Bless you and your family.
MY HEARTFELT SYMPATHY GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. WE OF COURSE WILL ALL CONTINUE TO KEEP YOU IN OUR PRAYERS. KEEP COMINING BACK TO THIS SITE. YOUR BURDENS WILL BE LIFTED THROUGH CONVERSATIONS WITH ALL THE WONDERFUL FOLKS ON THIS SITE.
JUDI
CLL007( Cindy )
Over the last year I have felt myself in various states of frustration and exhaustion. I find myself taking 15 minute naps a couple times a day or listening to peaceful music that calms me just to survive and not fall into the dark state of mind.
It is important to take my mental emotional pulse. Looking back, there were times I almost went into depression or exhaustion myself. I am learning what it feels like to get into overload and find a safe way to bring myself back. Music and relaxation and having a time to do some activity away from the house, even if I have to hire someone or while my loved one is in the hospital. In fact during hospitalization, I treated it as a time to nurse myself back to health. It kept me from going beyond what I could handle.
Stillsongs
Among my seven elders, several had problems with depression.
Your advice is good. If you have a spiritual group of any kind, that will help. Meditation helps me. There are so many forms of meditation - I think every one is unique. I've found what works for me, but I can still "get the crazies." Then I know I need more time to myself and more time to meditate and pray.
Thanks for your wonderful post.
Carol
Barb
I HAVE TWO LITTLE YORKIES THAT LIGHT UP MINE AND MY MOTHERS LIFE. WHEN THE GOING GET'S TOUGH AROUND HERE THEY ENTERTAIN US AND GIVE US MORE LOVE THAN ANY ONE PERSON CAN ASK FOR. MY MALE SLEEPS RIGHT ON MOM'S LAP ALL THE TIME AS IF HE IS PROTECTING HER. THEY PUT A SMILE ON HER FACE MANY TIMES A DAY. SHE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR OVER A MONTH AND COME HOME TWO WEEKS AGO. ALL SHE KEPT TELLING ME IN THE HOSPITAL IS I WANT TO GO HOME TO BE WITH "MY BABIES".. TO HELL WITH ME. HA HA HA!.. WITHOUT THOSE TWO I DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO.
I GAVE MOM A BELL TO RING WHEN SHE NEEDS TO GO POTTY OR NEEDS SOMETHING. DURING THE NIGHT I AM A VERY VERY SOUND SLEEPER AND I FEARED I WOULD NOT HEAR THE BELL AT ALL.. BUT MY SWEET BABIES CAME TO MY RESCUE. THE MINUTE THE BELL RINGS THEY START BARKING AND ARE IN MOMS ROOM BEFORE I GET THERE.... GOD DOES PROVIDE WAYS TO HELP ALONG THE WAY AND I BELIEVE MY TWO LITTLE CRITTERS ARE SIMPLY ANGELS THAT HELP ME AND MOM ALONG HER JOURNEY HOME. ...
JUDI