I moved my mother into my husband's and my home in November of 2005. She had fell at home and broke her hip. She was not able to live on own any longer anyway. This gave us an excuse to move her into our home. She was a very independent woman before the accident, but things have changed in the last few months.
Her short term memory is not good at all any more. She can not wheel herself around the house any longer.
She just got out of the hospital back in June about a 2 week stay with a blockage in her colon and then she contracted VRE. That is not fun to have in the home. I felt so sorry for her.
I am starting to have crying sessions it seems like every other day anymore. I do not see my mother any longer I see a person declining quickly. I am feeling overwhelmed and I don't think my family sees it. I have told them I need to get away for a few days, but that never seems to happen. No one has time to watch or be with mom except me. I am the only child so this is all on my shoulders. Her brother is not any help they have not spoke in several years now.
I do not know if I am just going through a stage or if I am starting to get depressed. I am with mom almost 24/7 except when a homemaker comes in daily. A person can go to Walmart just so many times to get out of the house. I seem to have lost my friends because I can not get together with them anymore.
This on-line discussion is a life line for me. This way I can communication with people and see how they handle different things that come up in their caregiving also.
So if anyone has advice please let me know how to get myself under control.
Losing Control
Cat, unless you have a collectable you've purchased, a good washing with soap and water plus a bit of vinegar with a good rinsing afterwards will do them a world of good. General circulated coins will be improved instead of hurt by washing to get rid of unimaginable germs collected over the years. Just rub them a bit with your hands, no abrasives, please.
I don't know about this 'wall' you mentioned. Explain, please.
Thanks for the suggestions, gets us into solutions and hopefully out of the problems. I had suggested making picture albums for her grandchildren. She was not open to the idea, so I forgot about it. Now I think I will simply get out the pictures and start sorting. She may want to get involved after awhile.
I have noticed a serious decline in memory loss and paranoia, the past 2 weeks.Yet she is more physically active , as in starting the laundry or dusting the tv. She just seems so fragile, that's the only word I know to describe her.
So thanks again and we all appreciate your positive ideas and input. God bless you for sharing with us.
It's been quite a ride so far.
While you're sorting those pictures surely you'll have some questions for her - like when it was taken, where it was taken, names of everyone in the pictures, etc. Or, ask if she remembers the day a certain picture was taken, etc. It might awaken some memories she would like to talk about.
Everything we try doesn't always work. We just have to keep trying.
As NH said this is the place for you to get lots of support. There are many personalities here for you to relate to. This is our place to say what's on our minds and not be judged. We all have feelings that only another caregiver understands. I will read a post and be shaking my head"yes", and we are here for each other. We are from all over, with a vast storehouse of experiance. Please feel at home here, you are welcome anytime, to get it out.
And I'm sure you have experiances that we all relate to. Please come back and tell us about yourself and you situation. God Bless
Not only am I an only child-My mom is as well....She was already overwhelmed taking care of my Dad-now both of her parents are dependent on her....and I have stepped in & help her.....
My mother turns to me FOR EVERYTHING! I am trying to raise 2 teenagers-I am working 2 jobs as well...while making rounds to all of those in need....with a caring atitude-which I never would have thought to have been such a challenge...I am just spread so thin!
You have limitations, acknowledge them and move on.
You acknowledged your biggest problem, you're spread too thin. You can't maintain that, so accept the fact something has to give way and let it happen. Maybe visit with or help the grandparents less, or maybe your mother actually needs less help than you're giving. Is there any possibility of hiring help so you will have more time with your children? They need you as much as the elders do, honestly they do.
You may have to look at the entire situation in a rather distant manner to get around the emotions to figure out what you can take on and maintain and what you can't. You should not have any guilt over your decision. None.
This is my first visit and I plan to be a regular because you all make me feel I am not alone.
So as an introduction, let me vent, PLEASE!
My mother is 82 years old. She has been diabetic for over thirty years and until the last 10 she was pretty much able to control her blood sugar through insulin and diet. Then she had a heart attack and had to undergo 5 way bypass. She was able to return home after two weeks but could no longer live alone. I have two brothers, one older and one younger, both married. I am divorced and was living alone. We discussed it and the decision was made that I would be the one to move in with Mom and help out. I continued to work and after a while Mom was able to drive again, go to her senior club meetings and doctor's appointments on her own. There was a lot less caregiving than there is now. I was actually able to have a life, something that I look back now with longing.
A year ago she had the first of several mini strokes. BAM! It was like falling off a cliff for both of us! I quit my job to stay home full time 24/7. Again talking to my brothers, it was decided that they would help out, coming over to give me a break. That has yet to happen. Like many here my friends have disappeared, not by choice but we have less in common and I can not talk, or go anywhere anymore.
As so many others have expressed, it is the mental decline that has gotten to me. I call each day SSDD. Depending on how clean you want it that can translate to "SAME STUFF DIFFERENT DAY" or SAME SH** DIFFERENT DAY". My life has become like the movie, GROUNDHOG DAY. If Mom asks me something today, on a good day, she will ask me again the next day. On a bad day it is the same question over and over for hours.
I just wanted to vent. And I thnak you for the opportunity. I look forward to having a place to come to read about others, share and most important, feel like I am not alone.
I have stated what you said before. Sometimes, regardless of how weary I am, listening to someone else has its rewards. I keep up with the news, read and have hobbies. There are other things going on in the world and our communities besides what we do everyday.
This is for Carol,
Thank God for you!!!! Starting this sight had Gods blessings all over it. It is such a positve place to put our worries, stress and heartache. New people coming in everday, learning they are not alone, they have a safe place to talk things out. One great big Texas size cyber-hug for you!!
Your experiances led to helping us and letting us help each other. You are the greatest.Thanks again.
But I can already tell that being here, I'll get more than five minutes of relief...........and a heck of a lot support. Thank You! I look forward to being here and hopefully helping as much as I am helped.
just wanted to weigh in on the subject of the 'incredible vanishing friends' - alot of what you said made sense and I agree with. There is another side to it that is a bit sadmaking. There are so many types of friends, but some of them who are just uncomfortable, or even selfish - its not our fault, or caregiving fault - it really is them.
I consider it a blessing in disguise that some of the friends who fell by the wayside did so. Sure it hurt, and some of the friends who disappeared surprised me. But it left room for new friends to come in who have few issues and are more aligned with what is important in my life, as well as people who like me as I am now. The gift we get being caregivers is that we can be more honest about people, and what is important to us. I appreciate this site where we can speak freely without having to worry about whether talking about our problems will break a friendship.
I miss my pre-caregiving life, I miss friends from before; but it is what it is, so cherish the ones who stuck around, the ones you will meet in future, and the ones who will call you when they too become caregivers.
I consider this board & the wonderful people on it friends - so thanks for listening, and sharing and your advice, and for the group being here 24/7...
Cat
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It's true that many friends "disappear," because the caregiver doesn't have time for them, the caregiver has too many problems and the friend feels guilty for not helping, but doesn't know how, or the friend is a superficial friend, not a friend in need. Everyone is human and all friendships are different. We need all kinds.
Carol
I have a question for each of you....As I am reading your situations-we have so much in common, yet my situation is a little bit different. MY mother is truly the caregiver of my father (who is chronicall ill)as well as, her mom