I moved my mother into my husband's and my home in November of 2005. She had fell at home and broke her hip. She was not able to live on own any longer anyway. This gave us an excuse to move her into our home. She was a very independent woman before the accident, but things have changed in the last few months.
Her short term memory is not good at all any more. She can not wheel herself around the house any longer.
She just got out of the hospital back in June about a 2 week stay with a blockage in her colon and then she contracted VRE. That is not fun to have in the home. I felt so sorry for her.
I am starting to have crying sessions it seems like every other day anymore. I do not see my mother any longer I see a person declining quickly. I am feeling overwhelmed and I don't think my family sees it. I have told them I need to get away for a few days, but that never seems to happen. No one has time to watch or be with mom except me. I am the only child so this is all on my shoulders. Her brother is not any help they have not spoke in several years now.
I do not know if I am just going through a stage or if I am starting to get depressed. I am with mom almost 24/7 except when a homemaker comes in daily. A person can go to Walmart just so many times to get out of the house. I seem to have lost my friends because I can not get together with them anymore.
This on-line discussion is a life line for me. This way I can communication with people and see how they handle different things that come up in their caregiving also.
So if anyone has advice please let me know how to get myself under control.
Losing Control
I hope we all take a minute to realize a Loving Power greater than us recognizes what we are doing.
My day has gotten off to a wonderful start. Thank you again for sharing.
Rest assured someone up there loves you. And we do too. We all have this wonderful, blessed place to come and have our feelings without judgment. It helps just to know we are not alone with our feelings and thoughts.
Take care of yourself. You really don't need her permission to have some time to yourself. I hope you find a way to have a little time off.
Let us know how you are doing. God Bless.
unclle says hes getting good care, hes clean, doesnt smell, but wants to go home
we are fustrated....please help
I am sorry you felt hesitant to post, you will find this very supportive and non-judgemental place to put your feelings. That is one of the main things I appreciate about our sight, is not being judged.
You will find others that feel the way you do, and will be present for you. You have your hands full and was very glad to hear of your course and potential job. So you are a busy lady.......
Please keep posting and letting others get to know you. We are all different in many ways and yet the same. So again, welcome and keep us informed how things are going. God Bless.
It takes time for them to adjust to change. It sounds like this is the best place for him and it had to be very hard on your dad taking care of him. Please tell your dad how much I respect what he had done.
Has your uncle left his room? Does he get to associate with others,ect.?It will take time and lots of encourgement from all of you. Put yourself in his place, wouldn't you want to go home if you were confused and forgetful to begin with. He will be ok, and you all have made the right choice. Just be patient with him and yourselves and time will take care of his anxiety.
Hopefully he is getting to interact with other residents so he has company and distractions. Let us know how things are going.
Welcome to our sight of loving and caring people who have alot to offer.
yes he is interacting with other resedents the aides there tell us hes doing fine. but when we visit hes really addamint about going home yesterday he had us my sister and I go to his room with him and he went in the closet and was putting on his coat. very gut wrenching. my dad is thankful right now to get his life back..we try comfoting my uncle telling him "the boss" (what he calls my dad) isnt able to take care of him like he was. was glad myy sister was with me last night, wednesday I visited and left in tears.
sorry going on and on again.
thanks for listening
just because someone has dementia and a continence problem doesn't automatically mean nursing home. Your uncle is obviously self-aware enough to know he doesnt' want to be there. The question is will you and your family be willing to do what it takes to bring him back home and if need be hire someone to help. If you dad isn't able to handle it alone - can you and others help?
The fact that someone doesn't smell & seems ok with the other residents doesn't mean much if they are aware enough to want to leave. I know how hard it is - I take care of my mom by myself and have for sometime. It takes work to retrain and help with incontinence and it takes patience and love to understand that what is easy isn't always the best.
Please understand - I have been a business manager for a SNF. I personally choose to keep my mom at home. I am single with NO help. So what I say is this - if you can make your uncles life better and bring him home do it. Facilities are not a *home*, and assisted living is not like summer camp where people get used to it and have fun - basically it sucks getting old, and not controlling your bowels and it sucks being put someplace when you are old because everyone else wants "their life back".
If you are at peace with your decision, that is great. But if part of you wonders maybe it is not his time yet. Remember that one day we all get old.
Take care
I just read what you posted a while ago, today, 2/16/09.
It made me want to cry because I see my Mom declining too. I am single and my father has already passed away several years ago. I have no siblings living. I am alone caring 24/7 for my aging Mom. she can move around a little bit but someone needs to be here. Her balance is not very good and her legs are weak. I am trying to juggle Mom's diabetes as well as my own. I mess up though sometimes.
I never had a lot of friends to begin with, now I have none. I feel responsible for Mom. I cannot afford a home health aide more than eight hours a week. It is only then that I sprint to my own doctor for an hour. I race there and race back.
It takes me an hour to get there and an hour to get home. I spend an hour thus I have thirty minutes to breathe...while waiting for public transportation back to the station where I parked the car.
I cannot tell the difference between lazy and depressed. All I want to do is sleep.
All I do is clean up after my Mom, cook, manage medication, laundry, and personal bathing, not to mention getting dressed and reading mail to her too.
I do not have a life. And I am sad and ...well depressed about it. There is no one to help me...just out of pocket paid health aides.
Oh I apologize. I doubt anything I have written provided any support. I do not have any suggestions. As you can see, I am a bit overwhelmed with my own caretaking responsibilities. I hope something positive happens for you and your family. Best wishes...
Don't feel bad. I gave up everything to move in with my mother also. She and my stepfather left everything and I mean EVERYTHING (even their cash assets) to my daughter, who they claim they had raised simply because she'd spend a few weeks here and there with them during her lifetime
Let him sulk he probably won't remember it when he wakes up anyway. I know in the last two years my cholesterol won't go down, now I have HB and take two of those lovely little zombie tablets and I have a 30% blockage in my heart not to mention my nerves or what I have left of them. I have made my mind up and it won't be long when the time comes thats what they are there for she is going. I am only one person, the hired help who doesn't get payment its all about her always has been and will be till the end. I know I sound crass but it is what it is if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck its gotta be a duck. Its always my fault probably just like you no matter what the subject is. I wonder what it's like to be perfect oh well I'll never know no sense wondering about that there is mother to take care of LOL and thats the way it is Tues. Feb 17, 2009. don't give up on yourself you have already shown who you are and you are Fabulous!! I know I am how do you like that for boosting your self. I do it all the time or I wouldn't be able to cope. neon
Thanks for the reminder to laugh. Yesterday was a mess. Miscommunication between family members about what to do about my clients husbands abscessed tooth. His health has been declining for the past month or so, and some days I am taking care of both of them.
I finally get him to the dentist, she did a root canal AND pulled the tooth. I was livid. It is in his medical statements that he is to go to an oral surgeon because he is a free bleeder!!!!
The dentist got stupid, I got even stupider and then had to go home and call the daughter. I had to explain the dentist never came out and spoke with me about any procedures she was going to do. I would have stopped her had I known.
The daughter got on the phone with the dentist and it got ugly. And the whole time my client is griping that it is taking too long, she was tired, blah, blah, blah.
So my day was crazy. On the way home, the song by Carly Simon , You Think This Song Is About You, came on the radio. I laughed all the way home, because I couldn't decide if I wanted to dedicate the song to my client or to myself!!!!!!!
So we really need to laugh at ourselves first. I take myself way too serious and then something happens to get me to lighten up.
God Bless us all!!!!!
I also feel alone and like the world is on my shoulders. I am 41 but because much of my younger days were filled with illness that with the help of God I have managed to live through...I am not a typical 41 year old. My life has been riddled with abuse...mostly mental/verbal, poverty....I grew up watching my momz have to fight my father ..for both of our lives.
My dad died when I was 14. I quit school ( was bullied tremendously) ...I have gone on to get a ged, and start my online fashion design shoppe( not much $ but its something) I learned to drive a year 1/2 ago...got a car too.
Now momz is getting older, forgetting more, and getting meaner( verbally abusive...what more??)
I love her, and I know I will be there for her no matter waht...as she has been for me... its just that it hurts... it hurts to never do anything right, but always be called on to do something. It hurts to be critized, put down... ( it always has) but now , there is no Im sorry--only I didnt say that!( she forgets)
The forgetfulness is getting worse... and I am tired. I go througfh severe pmdd , which dont help the situation.
My friends arent there....I really dont have any. Family never was , and isnt there for me.
I pray, and cry a lot....So Roxie...I know what youre goin through. i FEELYA GURL!
mAYBE WE WILL FIND THE LOVE AND SUPPORT, AND FRIENDSHIP HERE?
I hope so.
I feel guilty I even said anything ( do you guys get that feeling too?)
Anyway , God Bless you Rox...and all you guys!
Cause your sharing your stories are blessing me...To know I am not alone.
Sabrina/brilliantinax
You are not alone. and please don't feel anything but relief when you post here. We are here for each other, and you have alot to offer with all your experiances.
I like to quote Cat, she calls this "our charmed circle". you will meet alot of people who feel the way you do and we are here to uplift each other and support our good and bad days.
So keep posting and let everyone know how you are doing. God Bless.
You are NOT a cry baby.... your feelings are valid...I know cause I get that to!!!
Same kinda words...add some cussing in too. bECAUSE OF THE FEW TIMES i HAVE READ THE MESSAGES ON THIS SITE, I feel I have gained the guts to say...WE ARE ALL GREAT KIDS!! No one else would put up with it... sometimes I feel like my life is over, even though I have never really had one.
But God says he will reward us.(We are all his angels...his angels on earth...that means you too!...) and in a way with this site, us coming together ...he is.