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Well, today was a okay day for dad with his Parkinson's and Demenia. It is a day by day thing I guess. Just hard seeing him go down as you all know. Still figuring out how I can go back to work with him and mom needing 24/ 7 care. Anyone have any idea's .
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Well, today was a okay day for dad with his Parkinson's and Demenia. It is a day by day thing I guess. Just hard seeing him go down as you all know.
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Yes, I hear you. I'm watching my Mom, Dad, and FIL decline right before my very sad and sometimes teary eyes. Glad to hear you had an OK day. O how we need to treasure those moments. I store them in my good memory bank. Blessings!
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How hard it must be to see your parents decline right before your eyes. You are very strong to have them live with you in that stage of their lives. Luckily my mom is fairly healthy. Her block is not private. If you want the site, let me know. It goes out to all the kids, grandkids and friends. Today she was outside with my planting my garden. She tried to help dust this morning and dropped everything on the shelf. She moved into the living room and just dusted the tables. She folds all the clothes we give her to the best of her ability.
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My Mom lives 200 miles away. She is not doing well. Just went to ER by ambulance a week ago last Monday. Had Cancer Surgery a week ago last Wednesday. Had follow-up last week. I drive back and forth like a yo-yo, and I and my husband and 8yr old are getting worn out. Thought Mom could make it. We hired a visiting nurse, physical therapist and social worker to go to her home. She's not cooperating or following their recommendations. My sis lives 350 miles away, and called me today saying Mom was going to call an ambulance and go to ER again today. She called the nurse, who was 180 miles away, who told her to rest. I called Mom several times.

I made a decision today. She's moving. And not into a new apartment. And not into ALF, but a nursing care facility. If doc won't help, I'll find one who will. We absolutely cannot go on like this. I drive down yet again on Monday Night. Mom has an appointment with a Cancer Specialist for a Consult on Tuesday. I will attend, then push whoever I can and do whatever it takes to see that Mom's needs are met. She's just not making it at home anymore. And she knows it. I tried to pin her down today, and she said, "I don't want to talk about it
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The last of my post was cut off...yet, again.

Mom said, "I don't want to talk about it; I'm trying to take a nap." She doesn't want to make a decision. I get to. Not a pleasant place to be. Already getting flack, and don't want more. So sad when it comes to this. I'm tired :( and I know Mom is. Thank God Dad and FIL are well-cared for...else you'd be seeing me in a psych ward...
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Wheat, watching the downward spiral is agonizing. You have many who understand that here.

Carol
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ANNE I am so sorry of all you have to deal with I do not know how you manage and it is probably time for a facility you can not keep this up it will kill you they do not realize what they are doing to you -when our son called to tell me he had reached Pittsburg last night I told him his Dad went back on what he had accepted at the meeting so our son what is he going to do stay there-I said no he wants to come home on his terms only. You are in my prayers and after she is placed after about 2 weeks she will love they usually have plenty of activities and ther will be lots of women in her stage of being active but not able to live alone any more,
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How do I get her placed without a Physician backing me up, though? That's the question! Thanks for your prayers. You are in mine, too. Enjoy the peace you have at home today, and thank God for the positives, Austin.
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You do not need a doc to place her go to several nursing homes and talk to the social worker or go to your county office of the aging and talk to a social worker or Home CARE agencies that medicare uses will have social workers working there who would be able to come and assess her for what type of care she would need and help you make your decision to place her-I would visit nearby nursing homes- because I feel it is better for you if you can pop in at different times of the day to check on her if the husband has to be placed I would use the one he use to go to for rehab because it is nicer and would be closer for my son to go to visit- the one he is in now only has visiting hrs. from 11 am-to 8 pm and the other one has pretty much open visiting hrs. Carol would know more about this than me about other parts of the country but both my grandmother and my MIL were both admitted to nursings homes and the husband has been in rehab about 15 times in the last few years and it was always a social worker who got the ball rolling for admission to a nursing home or rehab. Her doc should help you but often they just assume that you can handle it unless their own parents are are older.
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this has nothing to do with venting..but does anyone know how to change profile name. My member name went from mindingmom to Irene. Do you know how to chang back to mindingmom? Yikes! don't know how that happened!
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Hi Everybody, I thought I'd drop a few lines to tell you about mom today. The temp. was about 90 degrees, so we all were out side most of the day. The little ones (2 year old and a 6 year old)were playing wiffle ball with the 6 year old's dad ( my son) when mom decided she wanted to play,too.So my son was pitching the ball to her and you know what? She was HITTING every one that he tossed to her. I told my so that they should put her on his softball team, they may do better. We got some pictures they were pretty funny.I had her sweep the sidewalk after I got done weeding the flowerbeds and she ended up sweeping the path that has pea gravel in it. It's 9:30 and she is whooped. Well I'd better go I think she might want to go to bed. See ya, Barb
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Dear barbees, what a great story! Thanks for sharing, it is so nice to hear. I have a story not related to venting also, but a happy one. My grandson was born yesterday at 3:02am in the back seat of their suv. He couldn't wait, right in the middle of the snowstorm, with very bad road conditions. He was delivered by a sheriff, on the side of the highway. Mom and baby are doing wonderfully. I took my dad to see him. I'm not sure he comprehends that this is his great-grandson or not. He often times does not remember his grandkids names, and I have to remind him. He instead says "your daughter", and I have to ask him which one he is talking about, because I have three LOL. Have a good day all, and keep sharing your happy stories in the venting section.
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Congratulations to Mom and Grandma, how wonderful a new little boy. On a sad note one of our nurses son died last night in a auto accident his dad was driving and he is okay but it was their only child. so you see the seasons come and go in our lives as well in our atmosphere. There are no answers we just have to know it is part of Gods plan. My neice had her tubes cut and tied after her second child , when she came up two years ago for Dads funeral she was so sick, she had been to the doctor no one could figure out what was wrong with her Yep she was pregnant Marissa is now a whole one year old. Beautiful, sweet and wish I could hold her in my arms she is 680 miles away but they keep updated with pictures so she was meant to be. she was born with a lump on her heart just last week she was checked for the third time the lump is gone her heart is fine, she was meant to be Marissa by the way means child from God. My sweet neice let me pick out her name.

Mother is still plodding along she is in such pain all the time don't know what to do for her we both have doc appts monday so will see if she will do what the doc says this time NOT and I will get to talk to mine about my pain, yes I have it to but Ikeep on going I don't give in too easily to anything could I be stubborn? not me LOL but in a good way YES It's best not to give in to every little pain just keep pushing and get something accomplished. or lay down and die. I choose the first. Snow storm sounds so funny to me down here in georgia just planted my veggie garden nice spring weather highs 80's lows 60's open windows clothes on the line just like the good old days. Again Congrats NAUS so happy for you Have a great day everyone.
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I am glad I am not the only who hangs clothes on a line in a lot towns around here it is not allowed- I have a dryer and put them in to fluff at the end- my next door neighbor also hangs hers out. We have been having temps in the 90's lately here in the NE - my grass needs to be mowed already I do the front with my small mower and my son offers to do the back if I do not get to it first at least I can still do that this year, the husband has agreed to have aides for 8 hrs. each day and after we meet with our accountant I will get that in line and will try to have it from noon to 8pm except on Sundays so I can go to church and thurdays so I can continue sewing cancer pads with our group at our senior center- I will not be able to get away this summer- our 50th high school reunion is this year which I probably will not be able to attend.
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what a bummer 50 year reunion well if it makes you feel any better I live so far away from where I went to school I can't get to my 43rd this year, wow what a long time yet seems like yesterday. I remember graduation so well. Yes, i like to hang clothes on the line I get outside, the clothes smell fresh, I don't hang everything some things is just easier in the dryer and no ironing. Well good Austin at least you will be able to keep doing the things you like and need to do. I am the same way I do my things my mother is able to take care of herself for the most part funny tho how she can make herself something to eat but can't seem to make that one extra sandwich for me but thats okay I always say what goes around comes around its right up there with kill em with kindness Well the way the world is going there are going to be some of those hoity toity communities that will start allowing people to hang out their laundry people are going to have to start cutting corners if they haven't already, I planted my veggie garden last week end but I plant one every year so nothing new to me love those canned tomatoes I bring out in the dead of winter or those great pickles, and beans taste so good. Have a good day
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Praise God! Praise God! Praise God! Three years ago, my two older siblings decided that our mom, (unknown to her) and no discussion on my end, that she would stay live with me. Being single and an outgoing person for 40 years, I had to make major adjustments in my life. No more outings with friends or traveling upon a last minute notion. Since December, 2008 mom had taken ill, symptoms of dementia and her health failing. Then in January, 2009 she fell and broke her hip. WOW! More adjustments to be made. But let me share one thing, I've come to the realization that it is no longer about me, but for my mom. As long as their is a breath of air in her, it is a privilege to be able to care for her. I do come from a family of eight other siblings
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Roxie - you have to vent - and you have to have a little support from others. My husband will come home some nights and tell me to get out of the house. Sometimes I will go walk at the mall - sometimes I will just drive around with my favorite CD. It is just that little break that I need. Although I am very lucky as my Mom depends on me for everything except she can feed herself - she is not demanding. She does have her good days
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Eight siblings and you, csabalas, are "picked" by the family. You have done an amazing job of "attitude adjustment." I do hope some of the family relieves you on occasion. You can bet one thing. When your mother dies, they will have more grief, because they will have guilt. You will grieve but be able to know you did your best. Take care,
Carol
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please see the new post on my wall in profile I don't know how to start a new thread. but need a few answers. thanks Cuz I sure don't want to make the Lord mad at me. We all complain are we supposed to Anne you seem to be the best versed in scripture than the rest of us but you complain to. So I am very confused this morning. And of course, being human I don't like to be critizied may be because that is the only feedback I get in the real world. Not alot of love in my little world just a lot of work. But let me know your reply on my post thanks neon
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Hope you don't mind me responding here, first. Yes, I complain, too. I am ashamed by some of my posts, and regret some of the things I've written. I guess that is conviction, and God working on me. The focus is Caregiving. I fail miserably at times. I am human, with human emotions, and I am a sinner, but saved by God's grace. I need to ask forgiveness of those I've led astray and confused, and from God, and I repent, and seek his forgiveness. He is faithful when I am not. He leads, guides and directs us, and I don't want to be a stumbling block to any. I'm not superhuman or superspiritual. In fact, I fall short, often. You have all been an encouragement to me in this journey, and I pray that I can encourage you as well. Please forgive me when I fall short. I read the Bible, but don't always walk in his way. I am no different than some of you, in that we are all just doing the best we can at the moment. Thank you for helping me along the way, and feel free to correct me when needed. I know God is. Thank you for loving me in spite of myself, as I look to love and help my parents. To God be the glory. Thanks, Anne
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I believe that the job of caregiving can push a saint to exhaustion. The tasks are usually 24 hours a day, often thankless and yet caregivers push on. Thank goodness for sites like this where caregivers can vent.
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You are right, Mary. We try to be super-human and our bodies and minds do rebel. I'm so glad you find some relief here.
Carol
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Anne, I have no problem with youposting first, I look to you for inspiration and answers. I know none of us are perfect, some think that those that go to church think themselves perfect LOL that is not my case Look who Jesus spent time with. I go to church to be uplifted, to praise God and all he has done for me and to give me strenght and guidance and wisdom and patience. This person was from church and said I need to watch my humor because I am accountable for everything that comes out of my mouth. This I know I do repent I do pray but I do think God knows my heart and he knows when I am joking and when I'm not did God give us our sense of humor to cope or put people down How do you use your humor I use mine to cope so I know not to ever joke around this person again, they say silence is golden duct tape is silver need to buy a case I think. thank you I know we are all struggling and doing the best we can. thanks for answering
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Hi Carol,

We cannot be super human, I've tried. All it got me was super-stressed. I don't know about others, but when I'm super-stressed, I misconstrue things and read people's body language more than I should. I have had to learn to force myself to breathe deeply and realize my parents have changed. Certain body languages my Mom once used that I knew indicated irritation with us kids, is not necessarily irritation with me now.

In fact, I saw this vicious cycle yesterday when we were discussing some yearly paperwork that has to be dealt with. She claims she doesn't recall it and I was trying to remind her of it somehow. That irritated body language started emerging and I jokingly told her not to get irritated with me. She was shocked that I thought that. She explained she was just frustrated because she can't remember, not mad at me in anyway.

I read an article not long ago that helped me a bit when Mom forgets.
Hope you all have a great day! Mary
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Hi Mary,
You've got a lot of insight. One of the problems is that we are always our parents' child. So, reading your mother's body language as irritation with you (because of the past) was natural. How good it was that your were able to express it the way you did. Thanks for passing on the link.
Carol
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Roxie
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HI ROXIE, I AM NEW TO THIS SITE, AND TRYING FIND MY WAY AROUND. I THINK I WROTE MY STORY, ON "MY WALL". STILL CAN'T FIND IT. I JUST READ A FEW OF YOUR POSINGS, BUT YOU ARE SAYING THINGS I AM FEELING. I AM TAKING CARE OF MY 88 YRS OLD MOTHER, WHOSE DEMENTIA IS GETTING WORSE AND WORSE. MEAN, NASTY, DEMANDING, SCREAMS AT ME, SHAKES HER FISTS, ETC. SHE ALSO HAS A PROBLEM WITH WALKING. SHE CAN WALK, BUT SHE NEEDS A WALKER TO HELP HER WITH HER BALANCE. MY MOTHER RE-MARRIED AFTER MY FATHER PASSED AWAY MANY YEARS AGO, AND IS NOW MARRIED FOR THE SECOND TIME FOR 20 YRS. HE HUSBAND IS 97YRS OLD. HE IS PRETTY GOOD FOR 97, BUT HE IS 97, AND BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM, AND THE MULTITUDES OF STORIES I CAN TELL YOU, I CRY ALMOST EVERYDAY, WONDERING WHAT DID I DO. I HAVE 3 SIBLINGS WHO WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THEIR CARE. THEY WANT TO LIVE THEIR LIVES AND NOT HAVE TO THINK OF MY MOTHER AND THEY DON'T. I AM NOT AN ONLY CHILD, BUT I MIGHT AS WELL BE ONE. ABOUT 2 YRS AGO, THEY MOVED FROM N.Y. TO N.C. WHERE I LIVE. IT WAS MY STEP-FATHERS SUGGESTION, AS I THINK MY MOTHERS BEHAVIOR WAS GETTING SO BAD, HE THOUGHT SHE SHOULD BE CLOSER TO ME. MY MOTHER AND I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP, AND SHE WAS ALWAYS A VERY SWEET PERSON. NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!! HE CAN ALSO DRIVER YOU INSANE. HE HAS MACULAR DEGENERATION, HAS HAD A BYPASS, AND WHILE HE WAS IN N.Y., MOST RECENTLY AS TWO YEARS AGO, HE WAS DRIVING. I DID IT ALL. SOLD THEIR HOUSE IN NEW YORK, FOUND THIS BEAUTIFUL CONDO, WITHIN STEP OF A SHOPPING CENTER SO THEY COULD KEEP SOME OF THE INDEPENDENCE. ALL THEY DO IS COMPLAIN, COMPLAIN, DEMAND, ETC. I HAVE A GREAT HUSBAND, AND HE HELPS ME SO MUCH WITH THE TWO OF THEM, BESIDES LISTEN TO ME, AND AS I SAID, I HAVE MANY MELT DOWNS, AND CRY AND CRY. I HAVE KILLED MYSELF TRYING TO PLEASE THEM, AND NOTHING WORKS. I STARTED TO GET SOME OUTSIDE HELP, BUT THAT WAS A JOB TO CONVINCE THEM. I AM SO WORN, TIRED, DON'T EVEN CARE IF I SEE ANYONE. INFACT, I AM KIND OF ISOLATING MYSELF. WHY, I REALLY DON'T KNOW, MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND ME THESE DAYS, WHY WOULD ANYONE ELSE. HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO TELL, BUT IT IS GETTING LATE. SO GLAD I AM ABLE TO TALK TO PEOPLE. MAYBE I WILL GET SO IMPUT AND SUPPORT TALKING TO EVERYONE. THOUGHT I WOULD START WITH YOU ROXIE, AS YOU SAID A FEW THINGS THAT HIT HOME. I AM NOT SURE HOW TO USE THE SITE. I AM JUST FEELING MY WAY AROUND. I DID FILL OUT A PRFILE, AND ACCORDING TO JEROME, WHO USES THE SITE, HE SAID I PUT IT ON "MY WALL", WHICH I STILL CAN'T FIND EVEN WITH HIS HELP. WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU. I AM GOING TO START GOING TO A SUPPORT GROUP ONCE A MONTH FOR DEMENTIA AT A SENIOR CENTER. I HOPE IT HELPS. I DO NOT HOW TO HANDLE THEM, AND I FEAR I AM GOING TO GET REAL SICK. NOT SLEEPING, EATING, DON'T CARE TO DO ANYTHING. HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU.

KATHY
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Hi Kathy,
You are right that you could get sick. You need to find resources to get some help for yourself, and a good start is to vent, as you are here. Isolation is a huge issue for caregivers, and knowing they are not alone is a first step. Then, you address each issue step by step, all the time remembering that you are as "valuable" as the person you are caring for.

Take care Kathy, and keep coming back to post. There are changes to the site in the works that will hopefully clear up some confusing issues.

Carol
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PS, Kathy. I would suggest getting yourself to a doctor to talk about depression. Many caregivers suffer from depression (understandable!). Medication and/or counseling can help.

Take care,
Carol
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