I moved my mother into my husband's and my home in November of 2005. She had fell at home and broke her hip. She was not able to live on own any longer anyway. This gave us an excuse to move her into our home. She was a very independent woman before the accident, but things have changed in the last few months.
Her short term memory is not good at all any more. She can not wheel herself around the house any longer.
She just got out of the hospital back in June about a 2 week stay with a blockage in her colon and then she contracted VRE. That is not fun to have in the home. I felt so sorry for her.
I am starting to have crying sessions it seems like every other day anymore. I do not see my mother any longer I see a person declining quickly. I am feeling overwhelmed and I don't think my family sees it. I have told them I need to get away for a few days, but that never seems to happen. No one has time to watch or be with mom except me. I am the only child so this is all on my shoulders. Her brother is not any help they have not spoke in several years now.
I do not know if I am just going through a stage or if I am starting to get depressed. I am with mom almost 24/7 except when a homemaker comes in daily. A person can go to Walmart just so many times to get out of the house. I seem to have lost my friends because I can not get together with them anymore.
This on-line discussion is a life line for me. This way I can communication with people and see how they handle different things that come up in their caregiving also.
So if anyone has advice please let me know how to get myself under control.
Losing Control
I made a decision today. She's moving. And not into a new apartment. And not into ALF, but a nursing care facility. If doc won't help, I'll find one who will. We absolutely cannot go on like this. I drive down yet again on Monday Night. Mom has an appointment with a Cancer Specialist for a Consult on Tuesday. I will attend, then push whoever I can and do whatever it takes to see that Mom's needs are met. She's just not making it at home anymore. And she knows it. I tried to pin her down today, and she said, "I don't want to talk about it
Mom said, "I don't want to talk about it; I'm trying to take a nap." She doesn't want to make a decision. I get to. Not a pleasant place to be. Already getting flack, and don't want more. So sad when it comes to this. I'm tired :( and I know Mom is. Thank God Dad and FIL are well-cared for...else you'd be seeing me in a psych ward...
Carol
Mother is still plodding along she is in such pain all the time don't know what to do for her we both have doc appts monday so will see if she will do what the doc says this time NOT and I will get to talk to mine about my pain, yes I have it to but Ikeep on going I don't give in too easily to anything could I be stubborn? not me LOL but in a good way YES It's best not to give in to every little pain just keep pushing and get something accomplished. or lay down and die. I choose the first. Snow storm sounds so funny to me down here in georgia just planted my veggie garden nice spring weather highs 80's lows 60's open windows clothes on the line just like the good old days. Again Congrats NAUS so happy for you Have a great day everyone.
Carol
Carol
We cannot be super human, I've tried. All it got me was super-stressed. I don't know about others, but when I'm super-stressed, I misconstrue things and read people's body language more than I should. I have had to learn to force myself to breathe deeply and realize my parents have changed. Certain body languages my Mom once used that I knew indicated irritation with us kids, is not necessarily irritation with me now.
In fact, I saw this vicious cycle yesterday when we were discussing some yearly paperwork that has to be dealt with. She claims she doesn't recall it and I was trying to remind her of it somehow. That irritated body language started emerging and I jokingly told her not to get irritated with me. She was shocked that I thought that. She explained she was just frustrated because she can't remember, not mad at me in anyway.
I read an article not long ago that helped me a bit when Mom forgets.
Hope you all have a great day! Mary
You've got a lot of insight. One of the problems is that we are always our parents' child. So, reading your mother's body language as irritation with you (because of the past) was natural. How good it was that your were able to express it the way you did. Thanks for passing on the link.
Carol
KATHY
You are right that you could get sick. You need to find resources to get some help for yourself, and a good start is to vent, as you are here. Isolation is a huge issue for caregivers, and knowing they are not alone is a first step. Then, you address each issue step by step, all the time remembering that you are as "valuable" as the person you are caring for.
Take care Kathy, and keep coming back to post. There are changes to the site in the works that will hopefully clear up some confusing issues.
Carol
Take care,
Carol