I moved my mother into my husband's and my home in November of 2005. She had fell at home and broke her hip. She was not able to live on own any longer anyway. This gave us an excuse to move her into our home. She was a very independent woman before the accident, but things have changed in the last few months.
Her short term memory is not good at all any more. She can not wheel herself around the house any longer.
She just got out of the hospital back in June about a 2 week stay with a blockage in her colon and then she contracted VRE. That is not fun to have in the home. I felt so sorry for her.
I am starting to have crying sessions it seems like every other day anymore. I do not see my mother any longer I see a person declining quickly. I am feeling overwhelmed and I don't think my family sees it. I have told them I need to get away for a few days, but that never seems to happen. No one has time to watch or be with mom except me. I am the only child so this is all on my shoulders. Her brother is not any help they have not spoke in several years now.
I do not know if I am just going through a stage or if I am starting to get depressed. I am with mom almost 24/7 except when a homemaker comes in daily. A person can go to Walmart just so many times to get out of the house. I seem to have lost my friends because I can not get together with them anymore.
This on-line discussion is a life line for me. This way I can communication with people and see how they handle different things that come up in their caregiving also.
So if anyone has advice please let me know how to get myself under control.
Losing Control
I am now dealing with diapers because he likes to wet his pants and other things I try to get him to drink water which will not do, but then he get dehydrated with that his memory get back because he doesn't drink. But he will not do it because then he goes to bathroom all the time. But the doctor told him to drink to help his bladder spsams. I just feel like its the same day over and over like in ground hog day. My family that is my husband and children help me. But as for my brother's and sister's nothing, I know that they are older they are in there 70's and I am only 51 but the last time my sister came to visit she didn't even stay at the house she stayed at a hotel, no offer to stay with dad while my husband and I got time to ourselves that has happen only two times in the two years that we have had my dad. They tell me to call them if I need anything... What I need is a day off right now I feel like crying and screaming at the same time.
I feel like I have gone over the edge.
Going nuts
Have you thought about hiring a caregiver (for starters) a few days or hours a week?
I think you need a break. If you want to take baby steps - a caregiver would allow you and your family to out to dinner; shopping, a movie, whatever. I think you need it.
A caregiver could also help with transportation to/from doctor appointments, etc.
That said, when you get to the point where you are in diapers and your adult children are cleaning you up . . I think it's time to consider a nice facility if your father can afford it.
My personally ~ I want the nice facility when I'm that age. I do NOT want my son changing my diapers!
Hang in there!
If he is a veteran you can also have him stay at a VA facility where they will offer respite care. For anyone out there, this is available so contact your VA social worker and get details. We used this service for a week a few weeks ago and it was so wonderful.
Yesterday was a really bad day for me. I know that I am not alone in this finding this site is a blessing to me, It's great to know that there are people out there doing the same thing I am doing with even less help. I just wish family's know how hard it was to do. Not sure what caregivers did before having great web sites like this. Prayers to all of you
prayers to you .
Keeping you in my thought's imjoyous
I am so sad at the way things have gone, but I keep trying, but getting tired.
Thanks for reading, Patty B.