I moved my mother into my husband's and my home in November of 2005. She had fell at home and broke her hip. She was not able to live on own any longer anyway. This gave us an excuse to move her into our home. She was a very independent woman before the accident, but things have changed in the last few months.
Her short term memory is not good at all any more. She can not wheel herself around the house any longer.
She just got out of the hospital back in June about a 2 week stay with a blockage in her colon and then she contracted VRE. That is not fun to have in the home. I felt so sorry for her.
I am starting to have crying sessions it seems like every other day anymore. I do not see my mother any longer I see a person declining quickly. I am feeling overwhelmed and I don't think my family sees it. I have told them I need to get away for a few days, but that never seems to happen. No one has time to watch or be with mom except me. I am the only child so this is all on my shoulders. Her brother is not any help they have not spoke in several years now.
I do not know if I am just going through a stage or if I am starting to get depressed. I am with mom almost 24/7 except when a homemaker comes in daily. A person can go to Walmart just so many times to get out of the house. I seem to have lost my friends because I can not get together with them anymore.
This on-line discussion is a life line for me. This way I can communication with people and see how they handle different things that come up in their caregiving also.
So if anyone has advice please let me know how to get myself under control.
Losing Control
I know what you mean. My dad , 2 brothers and sister and I were never really close but I would give anything to see or even hear their voices again. I think that's why I'm holding on to mom so.
Take Care
Barb
She's been managing to let me sleep in the early morning by hopping into her wheelchair and getting herself to the bathroom. Then she rolls along to the TV room, all by herself. I guess knowing she could do this the entire time frustrated me into a form of depression from sleep deprivation :D Thanks to my sneaky brother and his dropping of hints :)
Also, I'm going into the hospital soon and her options are either go to a Senior "resort" for a short time, or have caregivers twice a day come feed/potty her and she'll fend for herself in between. She doesn't want to go to the "resort" so is trying to show me she can fend for herself. I make her do just that during the day which is making her physically stronger and she is finding out she can do more than she thought.
Like I said, these ole buzzards are CRAFTY!!!
Will keep you all posted!!
Good luck to all of you and hang in there. Be strong and communicate. Communication with us, your church, a good friend. It all helps to air out issues so you can see more clearly what exactly the issues are.
Hugs!!
Round up your husband, kids, and, if possible, your siblings. Go over on a week-end to clean out that house and spray the bugs. Clean up the dogs and either take them home to one of your houses, or to a no-kill shelter. Call Meals on Wheels. Grocery shop for things that it's easy for your mother to prepare. Do the laundry. Wash and style your mothers hair.
You will be surprised how much better this will make you feel about yourself, your life, and your mother. (and your siblings, if they chip in with help. Maybe they just need to be shown what needs to be done. Some jobs just seem too big, until you start them.) It will also be a great lesson to your kids about service to others.
If you are a religious person, this is what your god would have you do. If you are not a religious person, this is simply the ethical thing to do. Humans have a responsibility to one another.
Keep contributing. We have such a great group of people, and you are certainly one of them.
Carol
The good people on this site, struggling to keep on doing what they are doing, or finding a different way to care for others, will be showing their own children their caring natures. There is good in doing good.
Carol
Barbees is right...do it for your mom. Do not worry about what other people say or think about you...until they fill your shoes then maybe they will understand. I think my brothers have a picture of me in their spare room and throwing darts at it.
You know what!!! who cares!!
I 'm here to let you khow that we (me) do care and I know that what you are going through is like beating your head against the wall sometimes. You see what your mom is doing or going through and you feel helpless in trying to do something about. I can understand that you don't go over there because of the mess and that they(your siblings) don't see it or care. But you have to do something to help your mom, you are going to be stepping on some toes but remember it's for your mom.I had to step on a few too and now I'm the bad guy but you know what, I DON'T CARE. I know that mom is safe and that is all that matters.
Barb
Anyone having similar problems or any ideas on what could be the cause, thanks!
Mari
Moral of the story: ( for BallNChain) Your children are watching how you deal with your elders, and you may expect the same treatment from them that you give to your elders now. Life's a Bitch ( and so am I).
Here is another cyber hug for you. I know what you mean about repeating an repeating and repeating....sometimes I just want to scream my bloody head off. Oh and about the syblings that don't bother??? get this....Mom received a tower of boxes filled with chocolate candies from Harry and David from my brother in PA..... big deal...first thing he sent her he doesn't even call. so I like a nice person told her to call him and thank him...right? proper thing to do...no? well get this, while she is talking and thanking him a hundred times she tells him that she goes nowhere, and does nothing and she never sees people and just sits around. EEEEK!!!!!! Now I live in Nevada....24/7 state...I take her 3 days a week to day care, we go to buffets, we go to resturants, we go to Christmas fairs...I take her to the hairdressers...and besides all that I take care of her...what more can I do?
On top of all that my husband got sick and had to be in bed a few days. When I say I'm tired she will tell me she did all that and I shouldn't complain...Hello.....my mom only did for her family..siblings...not us 4 kids.
Anyway...thanks for listing...I feel much better now....lolol....hey at least we can all laugh..no?
So Happy Holidays to you all and lets all have a geat Holiday with very little stress.
Irene
This is also a cyber hug for u. Some time's we do get to our limit's and know u are not alone. This chat room has been the best for me re: my Mom and your right it is all about them. Take Care of yourself and remember epople are here if u need them.
God Bless
CLL007
Here is a cyber-hug & good wishes - you are awesome.
we all have days when something just hits us & we feel something at the gut level despite our rational take on the situation. You are a very strong person and think things through, so I know you will use your insight to see why this bothered you now/today.
One thing you may not have considered is sometimes being exposed to certain keys & decible levels of sound cuts right through our rational thought process to our 'primitive brain'. On that level, it is triggering fight/flight/or freeze.
the fact that you are unable to do anything either for your patient or yourself is triggering your body to release chemical signals that are increasing your discomfort level .... so it's very understandable that you would be in distress.
For now, take care of yourself & be kind to yourself tonight & let us know how you are doing tomorrow.
CLL007
Isn't it strange how the siblings that aren't around can show up or just call and it's exciting, but the person doing the caregiving gets the anger and abuse? It's human nature, unfortuantely, for people to take things out on the person they know won't dump them, but it's very hard on the caregiver.
You've got a lot to handle, with your husband, to boot. I'm glad you got your mom on Medicaid and are getting some help.
Carol
Carol
CLL007