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There is a condition that is sundown syndrom which I don't hear about anymore but a pt. even if not confused during the day will start acting confused about 4pm of a little later in the summer a roommate aof my husband at onr rehab he was in and the wife would get so upset every day I did tell her about it but I guess it did not make sense to her.
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The "pretty awful" part is most of us can relate!

You do need to look into getting someone to come in and sit with him so you can get some time to yourself. Your own health really will suffer, if you don't. Then, what will your husband do? He needs to learn that you need to take care of yourself as well as him. Please check with your county social services or your state aging services to see if there is some respite care available, if hiring in-home care - even a few hours a week - is out of reach financially.

Meanwhile, keep venting. People here understand.
Carol
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Hi. I knew I wasn't the only one out here feeling this way. I am 24/7 care for my husband, whose conditions are the result of Diabetes. He recently lost his leg above the knee to gangrene, but has been in a wheelchair for two years. He also has ESRD, and is on dialysis. They have done everything for his heart that they can. Since he is on dialysis, he is on fluid restriction, which he fights about all the time. Every ten minutes I hear my name called,(even during the night) and am seriously thinking of changing it. The other day my left arm hurt terrifically, and I thought, " Oh good! I'm having a heart attack. I hope it kills me." Pretty awful, huh? I love him, but he really is driving me nuts!
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Hi, I've been lurking around here for a while now and reading everyone's stories. My husband and I moved in with his grandma over a year ago. I can relate to some of you. Lately, grandma has been having crying spells over the last 4 wks., around the 5:30pm and later. One night she got up after going to bed and came out in the living room and wanted to know where the cat was. We told her that she was in the basement using the litter box. She was very demanding that we bring the litter box upstairs cause she didn't want the cat in the basement. She then called my husband and I "meanies" cause we didn't get right up and find the cat. Other story about the cat, I heard grandma walking around one morning, (she uses a walker) so I got up to see what she was doing at 4 am in morning. I found her in the basement landing ready to go out the back door to see if the cat was out in the garage. I woke up my husband and told him that he needs to fix the door in the kitchen that goes to the basement landing, with a latch so we can shut it. I then told grandma that it wasn't safe for her to be by the basement landing cause she could fall down the stairs. She really scared me that morning.
I work part-time, and go to school, my husband also works. It's been really frustrating sometimes, but we take in count of grandma's age 85. Especially when she repeats herself and asks the same questions 20 times within an hour. Thanks for letting me vent. I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.
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Prayers and blessings. We can all use them. Sometimes "bloom where you are planted" is hard to swallow, but there's something to that.
Carol
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Thanks - I also belong to www.dailystrength.org

You can chat with each other. I find that so helpful.

Please pray for me that I can go through my things, pare down, and start today to feel I belong here and am not a bag girl (lady) LOL.

They say bloom where you are planted
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I know what you are saying, I hate writing letters ,just can't put what I want to say into the right words. Maybe we (they) could start a hotline section that we could sign up for.
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I'll see if there is a way we could set that up. It's a tech issue, but certainly something to consider.
Carol
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My post cut off so I'll retype - I'm feeling overwhelmed because I have one foot in and one foot out of mom's house I moved into. Every weekend it's the same thing. I move furiture to try to make the section of this house feel like my home. I live in the downstairs, mom is upstairs, kitchen is shared. People think I should move upstairs (ugh) no way. I know what I'm writing sounds dumb and that's why I wish we had a live chat I could explain this more.
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Hi. Is there a way we could do a live chat sometime? It would help nip in the bud some of our issues at the moment. For instance
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Happy turkey day everyone,hope this finds everybody doing the best they can.


Barb
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My mother in law use to do that when in a nursing home- there were geese outside and she would tell one came in and bit her and would tell us other stories that seemed to be part true and part in her mind- we just sort of let her think we believed her arguing made her more upset.
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I'm sorry about your finanical difficulties. So many of us, just trying to do the right thing, have these problems. We are listening, if that is any comfort. And you aren't alone in much of this.

Carol
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Hey it's me again , I forgot the best part. My car was repoed because I didn't have the money to make last months payment. Got it back by not paying some other bills. It cost about $600.00. My son informed me that we can't make it with him and my daughter pay check and that I need to get back to work. I just wonder when I can fit that in my schedual.
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Hi Everyone,
I need to vent for a while. If you go back through the back pages you will get the background on me. Now, as of augest 5 I got so fed up at work with my superviser (of two years out of 10) that I quit. In his eyes us women should be at home raising babies and being a June Cleaver(from Leave It To Beaver)since then I've been a babysitter for my great granddaughter at 7:30 in the morning,taxi for my 17 year old granddaughter to school at 11:45,taxi for my son who doesn't have his driving privilages (DUI) to work at 3:00 ,I take 17 year old to work at McDonalds at 4:00 then pick her up at 8:00 then I do my chorse I have two horses and 12 pygmy goats 3 dogs and 13 cats. They help me cope with everything , at about 11:00 I have mom go to bed I have to tell her how to get dressed then I wait until 11:30 and go get my son from work . I get to bed about 1:30 and don't sleep well because mom goes to the bathroom in her room,out in the hall or in my room. Then it starts all over again the next day.
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"Okay - I am venting on a different subject.
Today is my mothers birthday. Nothing, nada, zip from anyone. I am tired of having to do everything - and very anguished that body cares. I am only writing this because it is a choice between venting on this board or making an unfortunate series of phone calls I will regret later." Cat

I can totally relate. My birthfather, who I am caring for, gave my cousins, his friends, and others so much when he was able... we weren't close, but, he has been both a chore and a help to me since I started caring for him... but, nobody in his family (guess it's mine too - but we are not close) remember him at all since he no longers gives them great gifts, help, work references, etc. etc. Now that he is incapacitated & I've taken his care on - they NEVER call... I did a very bad thing once... and still am not too sorry for it... I called ('phone calls I will regret later') and left messages that Chris had passed away... that was how anquished I was with their selfishness... when they called in a few days to find out details, I didn't answer... then I let Chris call them... (I told him what I had done & he thought it was a great idea) .. it didn't them change much... but, made me feel good that they suffered a little... I mean these people really were in it for themselves when they knew him & I've asked for help many times- even a call (and not a lot either)... I am an only child... but, was raised by my grandparents... but, as I take care of Chris.. I realize now... he is my friend too... and maybe my only real friend... maybe I sound cynical.. but, I can relate to your making a wonderful week for your mom... it helps both of you... live large while you can... Logan's has a special (2 dinners for $13.99) on Monday & Tuesday's 3-6... we just may go there today & put it on our overtaxed credit card!

(my other comment was cut off!)
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"Okay - I am venting on a different subject.
Today is my mothers birthday. Nothing, nada, zip from anyone. I am tired of having to do everything - and very anguished that body cares. I am only writing this because it is a choice between venting on this board or making an unfortunate series of phone calls I will regret later." Cat

I can totally relate. My birthfather, who I am caring for, gave my cousins, his friends, and others so much when he was able... we weren't close, but, he has been both a chore and a help to me since I started caring for him... but, nobody in his family (guess it's mine too - but we are not close) remember him at all since he no longers gives them great gifts, help, work references, etc. etc. Now that he is incapacitated
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Thanks for the advice on the meds. Greekgirl, my mother is taking a heart medication, a blood pressure med. and a diuretic, do you think any of these would be causing her to see people that aren't there? thanks! Mari
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Mari, check your moms meds.. specifically anything narcotic will people see and hear strange things. keep up your good work being a caregiver..
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Thanks Barbees for your advice, I'll do that, just leave the room, then change the subject. I usually stay after work for about an hour or two, then go home.

You hang in there too, keep me updated on your problem. Take care.Mari
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Mari, I have the same problem. All you can do is walk away for a while and cool down. There is no reasoning with them. In their minds it's real. At least she still knows who you are. Mine tells me that I'm that bossy bitch that meeds to leave and never come back. When she gets to you, go in another room and think about a nice (happy) place it seems to help with me. Stay in there in the end you will know that you did the best you could and you will feel comfort in that thought.

Barbees
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Hi Everyone-I asked this question before, was wondering if anyone had an opinion on it. My mother keeps telling me that there are people on roofs, taking off shingles, gutters, etc. when in fact there is no one there, she said they were on her roof on Sun. and called the cops! When I tell her that no one is there, she gets mad. Yesterday we talked about people getting sick and not being able to be alone, they sometimes have to go to personal care homes, she got mad and said everyone just wants her money, which is not true. She doesn't want to have any friends because she feels that they turn on you, talk about you etc. She wants me and my brother to be the transportation the entertainment and everything else in between. If I were to go somewhere on a sun. like to K-mart and she finds out, she'll get mad and say no one ever asks me to go, when in fact I might be going there to get one or two things then leaving.

How do I handle this without losing my temper and my mind.

Thanks so much, Mari
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Shelia, Lindam is right. Knowing we aren't alone is a huge part of helping ourselves and there are many practical tips, too, that are passed along. My whole mission has been breaking the isolation, as I spent two decades caring for seven elders, and there was little support. That isolation is a killer, few people who haven't been through it personally, can understand. This is a group that understands.

Keep posting and reading. We want to know how you are doing.
Carol
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Sheila You have found a place for comfort, support and validation. Keep posting and learn ways to take care of yourself, to get help for your loved one if possible, and say whats on your mind. Just being able to say how we feel is very empowering. And you are right, you are not alone. We do look at the person we're caring for and ask "who is this?", because they change from day to day. Welcome and let us know how you are doing. God Bless
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Oh my - Im not alone - Im a only child taking care of my mom and it has controled my life for 13 years - Im divorced - my child has moved away - and Im still taking care of my mom. Yes, there are health problems but is this the same woman that I remembered as a little girl? Who is this - she has turned into a monster and it is taking a tole on my health. Im in my 50' and I cannot do everything she wants of me any more.
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Cat, you are a wonder!
Carol
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Cat you are my hero! You take a heartbreaking situation, and turn it into a rainbow week for your Mom. Thanks for the idea, and kudos to you. You are teaching me to ACT not REACT. Thanks again. Tell your Mom linda says happy bithday, and God bless you.
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Hi Everyone,
This is Barbees checking in. Cat I can relate to what you're going through. We had our Thanksgiving dinner on the 16 at my sisters. Not a single person paid any attention to mom and there were about 23 of us.
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Thanks to you all. Our community is the one we turn to when stress happens. It means alot to be able to go to this board whenever we need to - whether happy sad or just visiting.

I am keeping her busy & she is having a great time. I played the dvd of a Rain concert (beatles tribute band) & did a singalong. She loved the prezzies from me & the dog - - taking her out again tonight. I am making this whole week her week.
even if I do have to squeeze in work.
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Cat -no advice but I am sorry and I am glad you choose this plan- I am not sure I would be so kind and you know this is where your support is, take care dear lady.
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