I moved my mother into my husband's and my home in November of 2005. She had fell at home and broke her hip. She was not able to live on own any longer anyway. This gave us an excuse to move her into our home. She was a very independent woman before the accident, but things have changed in the last few months.
Her short term memory is not good at all any more. She can not wheel herself around the house any longer.
She just got out of the hospital back in June about a 2 week stay with a blockage in her colon and then she contracted VRE. That is not fun to have in the home. I felt so sorry for her.
I am starting to have crying sessions it seems like every other day anymore. I do not see my mother any longer I see a person declining quickly. I am feeling overwhelmed and I don't think my family sees it. I have told them I need to get away for a few days, but that never seems to happen. No one has time to watch or be with mom except me. I am the only child so this is all on my shoulders. Her brother is not any help they have not spoke in several years now.
I do not know if I am just going through a stage or if I am starting to get depressed. I am with mom almost 24/7 except when a homemaker comes in daily. A person can go to Walmart just so many times to get out of the house. I seem to have lost my friends because I can not get together with them anymore.
This on-line discussion is a life line for me. This way I can communication with people and see how they handle different things that come up in their caregiving also.
So if anyone has advice please let me know how to get myself under control.
Losing Control
I am so glad you were able to find out what was wrong with your Mom-good for you for seeking out the problem-I'm sure she is greatful to you-she should be.After the producure is done things should be easier a bit for you as she should be more independent and be able to enjoy lile more and hopefully you will get some much needed space for YOU- that would be great. Keep us all posted I will pray for you that everything goes well-my church is big on praying and it is amazing how often our prayers are answered- I get a lot of strength from my church family.
Welcome to our new members! You will truly find caring hearts to listen and give advice. I know that I have! Austin, I'm so glad you had a good vacation. It's amazing how much just 3 days away will help! Rovie - You go girl! Enjoy every minute of the wedding and embrace a new career!
A quick update on my situation - After 5 eighteen hour days at the hospital, it looks like my mother does have normal pressure hydrocephelus. One of the parts of the test involves pulling off 30cc's of spinal fluid. If the patient's gait and balance improves, that is an initial marker of the condition. My mother's improvement has been pretty remarkable. On Monday (before the procedure) she could not stand alone, walk any distance and if she tried to back up, she fell over backwards. Today, she went to the bathroom by herself and walked all the way down the hall at the hospital with me just walking next to her. If the cisternogram confirms the condition, she will see a neurosurgeon and have a shunt placed in her brain to drain the fluid. While the procedure is brain surgery, the condition left untreated will cause severe dementia and eventuall she would be unable to walk or stand. She agrees that she would rather risk the surgery than face the results of the condition. We'll see.
FYI- for all caregivers- Normal pressure hydrocephelus affects many elderly people, but is often not diagnosed! The symptoms include dementia, gait and balance problems and urinary incontinence. The only way to diagnose is with a cisternogram. If your patient has the symptoms it might be worth a trip to a neurologist.
Blessing to you all,
Brendalou
Carol
It is soo comforting to find other people in similar situations.
I find comfort in what I have read and it does help. PEACE
Just got back last night from my mini vac. Way to go girlfriend- I am so proud of you-your note of 3 days ago warmed my heart, have to run I'll write more later have to go see my husband in the nursing home if he gives me grief it will be a short visit,
Carol
Just a quick update! I had a great day in Dallas! My cousin from Missouri came to visit for a few days. I went with her my best friend and niece for a day of shopping . Didn't buy much, but it was good to get away. My mom went into the hosp. yesterday early moring. She was supposed to have the spinal tap procedure, but no one (including the anestheologist) could start an IV or draw lab, so they ended up putting in a PIC line and postponing the test until today. They did the cisternogram today. It is like a spinal tap but they inset a radioactive isotope into her spinal fluid and scn her every day for 3 days to watch the progress of the isotope. They also drew off 30 ccs of spinal fluid. Supposedly if her gait is better after the procedure , it is an indicator of normal pressure hydrocephelous. She tolerated the procedure well, but had to lie flat until 7:00 tonight. I just know I have spent 2 - 16 hours days at the hosp. and I'm pooped! Hope all is well with you all. Take care!
BRenda
Have fun on your few days of vacation with friends. Drive or fly safely and laugh until you cry. Have fun, just relax.
You ladies have done so much for me. I am a different person (for the good) since I have met all of you. I realize I am not alone in this world of caregiving.
I am once again doing things I enjoy.
I am starting to enjoy the idea of a wedding in the near future. I no longer look at it as something else I have to do. I have bought my dress. It is so nice and if I may say it looks good on me.:) I am looking forward to the wedding day in Gatlinburg TN. It will be a long drive but hey Mom will be fine and we will get to enjoy something together. It will be memories that I will always have. (good or bad days) it will be with my mom.
I start school next week to start on a new career for me not anyone else. I am going to be a medical billing person. I am going to enjoy being with other people besides being a caregiver. Hopefully there is a job out there for an old lady if she does good in school. :) If not I did this for me!
I believe it is time for me. I have raised two children I was a stay at home mom. Did everything for them went to every practice, every game, every recital, every sport event there was (they were involved in everything). I was home when they needed me and when they did not.
Therefore I guess I am saying I have decided I may be a caregiver to my mother, but it also time for me. There will be days, weeks, and maybe months that I will struggle to care for my mother emotionally, mentally, and physically but at this point I am looking out for me also.
This is all because I have found you guys or ladies. You are truely great friends. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. And I hope the Lord will bless you many times over You deserve every blessing you receive.
Thank you for getting this caregiver back on track to enjoy life once again.
Bless you all!!!
Roxie
Carol
Austin, I'm so sorry that your husband is so mean to you. Hang in there.
Love you all!
Brenda
You certainly not abanding your Mon you have done more than most people and maybe after a stay in a nursing home and good P.T. she will be able to come home if not they will be able to tell you this. No one chooses a N.H. but there comes a time that we can no longer take care of them at home, and if she needs to be placed you will still be very involved and maybe can bring her home for a few hrs. from time to time or take her out for a meal or visit a park or something else you are a very caring women and we your understanding friends know what you have been through.
I'm having a bad day -because of my husbands treatment on the phone--he is still in rehab- I have not been over to see him in a few days and I'm getting ready to go away for 3 days -I do all the yard work and have flower and veggie gardens and starting to get rid of clutter and move extra furniture into our new shed and have volunteer activities and have been very busy I since he acts like a child I've been very busy now he has to wait for our son to go see him when he gets a chance-I will not reward his bad behavior any more- he is bipolor and had many health problems but he has lost most of his friends due to only talking about his heath I and are son are all he has and he still is not nice to us most of the time- sorry I just need to vent- I've become strong enough to not let him spoil things for me any more like he use to do-I've cried a river over most of the 46 yrs we have been married- I worth being treated better than that.
I am so very glad that your doctor says you are okay. I know that it can seem to be the hardest thing in the world to reduce stress, but I have found that will my mother is napping, that I can put one ear phone in and one out just so that I can hear her if she needs me, but put your favorite music on. I know that I look crazy as a 45 year old woman, but I put things on that I have not hear in years, like the "Bird" or that new girl that sings "I Have A Pocet Full Of Sunshine". I find myself dancing in front of the computer. My daughter gets so imbarest. Oh well, it lifts my spirt if for only a moment. We all need those moments!!!!
One day at a time. You will make this, and be oh so much stronger for it. Because if we can handle the things we are going through now, nothing else could ever do us in.
Love and prayers,
Susan
Glad the doctor say you are ok. Reduce Stress YEA! Easier said than done. I hope you enjoy your company this weekend. I agree your brother should be in on the decision of the SNF. I will be thinking about you.
However, I'm glad you are okay, and yes, you are working on your stress by working on your mother's situation and care. And your brother needs to be there with you!
Hang in and keep coming back.
Carol
I am so glad you went to get checked out, I was worried about you. Good luck with the decesions you and your brother have to make about your Mom. Please keep in touch with us all.
I did recently have my physical. Everything was fine; the doctor just said to reduce my stress (lol). I have out of town company coming tomorrow, so I will just ride this out for a few days. We'll see. Again, than you all for your love and support. I hope that I can repay this kindness when you need it, too.
Brenda
You have to care for yourself also!!! It is hard to think about helping yourself once you get in the routine of caring for someone else, but YOU HAVE TO DO IT!
Love ya,
Susan
Right now you do not need to care about what others say. You need to take care of yourself.
The others are not in your shoes honey or your mothers. When they are there they have the right to say something. At this time they do not. So listen to your body and take time for yourself.
I agree so much with what you said about animals and quality of life. We won't let an animal suffer the way many humans do. Your mom will be more comfortable with many caregivers and people to help.
And you need to get a checkup and see if you need medication. Likely, stress is the root of your problems, but you many need medical help, too. Just think of how your mom would feel if you were the one go not wake up?
Please get checked out physically, and mentally if necessary. And get your mom into a care situation where you can still check on her and be her advocate, but you won't have the stress of super-human duty.
Carol
I am really concerned about you.....is it possible for you to see a doctor & have a FULL checkup? Regardless of what your brother / rels think, if you are in distress they are going to have to pitch in while you get better. If you have chest pains, please don't wait - go to the ER. Better safe than sorry.
take care & be well
Anyway, we are all here for you.
bwthrs
I am sorry your brother will not be able to help in the next few weeks when the time is the roughest for you. It seems that when things start going bad it like the saying "When it rains it pours".
I hope the new doc can figure out your mother's problems and give you help.
I sure hope your back gets better. If you are like me you can not afford to be sick one day. You will probably need to see a doctor to make sure everythng is ok with you and maybe get some physical therapy for your back. You have to make sure you are strong not only physically but mentally also. My prayers are with you.
Do you have transportation nearby that will come to your home that has wheelchair access? They could transport you and your mother to the hospital instead of you trying to lift her in and out of the car. This way you lift her only to the wheelchair.
Let us know how everything goes.
Do you have neighbors that can help? I do not they are all seniors theirselves in fact I watch and make sure they do not fall outside.
Today I need a shoulder to cry on! It has been one of THOSE days. My mother fell three times. The last time I had to call my brother to help me pick her up. His advice was the "YOU need to put her in a nursing home." Lost of help. We saw a new neurologist today. He is testing her for normal pressure hydrocephalus. It is a four day test that requiresa spinal tap and going to the hospital every day for scans. Easier said than done:) Since I can hardly transfer her in and out of the car! Then she says I made her hurt her ankle when I was trying to lift her off the floor. I pulled something in my back and can hardly stand up. Yet I will have to lift her in and out of the wheel chair and into the bed tonight. And of course, my brother is off for a week to take care of his grandkids- leaving tomorrow. How about helping his sister with his mother? Yeah, good luck. Anyway, today life sucks. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Ha! Ha!
I was doing this 25 years ago, and it was just expected that there was no help at all. When I had 7 elders depending on me, plus a son with disabilities, still no one thought I was "working." On and on and on.
It has, believe it or not, gotten better. But there is so much farther to go. Cat's advice to be pleasant is good, as most of these people are family members and some can put themselves in your position. That said, they are very busy, so you must be very proactive, and very visible. You have to choose, as Cat said, where to put your energy.
If you can get known on the political front, locally, that is awesome. I will continue my push. You all will continue yours. We will each make a difference in our own ways.
Carol