I moved my mother into my husband's and my home in November of 2005. She had fell at home and broke her hip. She was not able to live on own any longer anyway. This gave us an excuse to move her into our home. She was a very independent woman before the accident, but things have changed in the last few months.
Her short term memory is not good at all any more. She can not wheel herself around the house any longer.
She just got out of the hospital back in June about a 2 week stay with a blockage in her colon and then she contracted VRE. That is not fun to have in the home. I felt so sorry for her.
I am starting to have crying sessions it seems like every other day anymore. I do not see my mother any longer I see a person declining quickly. I am feeling overwhelmed and I don't think my family sees it. I have told them I need to get away for a few days, but that never seems to happen. No one has time to watch or be with mom except me. I am the only child so this is all on my shoulders. Her brother is not any help they have not spoke in several years now.
I do not know if I am just going through a stage or if I am starting to get depressed. I am with mom almost 24/7 except when a homemaker comes in daily. A person can go to Walmart just so many times to get out of the house. I seem to have lost my friends because I can not get together with them anymore.
This on-line discussion is a life line for me. This way I can communication with people and see how they handle different things that come up in their caregiving also.
So if anyone has advice please let me know how to get myself under control.
Losing Control
We have discussed, as a family, the many alternatives to their care (they are still living by themselves in their home of 57 years). They are totally against leaving their home, which we know is normal. We have been thinking about renting out our family home and moving in with them.
However, after reading about you and your mother, I am scared to death about this commitment. We have 6 grandchildren who love to come over all the time and stay with us on the weekends (at times). Just how much will we be giving up? also we both work full time and have to in order to pay bills. Is there an answer to all of this?
As for you, I will tell you something that I do about 2x a month that I have never done before. I ao to the movies by myself. No one can interrupt me because you have to turn cell phones off.
Of course, I let everyone know where I will be. It has given me a little bit of my freedom back and I can have some joy just for me.
I really think a person (especially a caregiver) needs this time.
You are going through a really rough patch - I am sorry and will pray for you. Are you sure your mother is not able for medicaid? disability? If her income/assets are below a certain amount would she not qualify? If she does then maybe you can get homecare. Once you get the ball rolling in any of these I have found that you would have access to other services. I don't know I am just guessing. Is there a senior agency where you could get advice?
As far as her debt goes maybe you could get some legal advice as far as her options there.
Good luck,
Carmen
About 5 minutes later a man tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to come with him - -well, long story short - my mom got the royal treatement & her picture taken at the special handicapped station. The DMV employee who had rescued us told me that try as he might, the DMV employees forget that handicapped people - including seniors- aren't supposed to wait in line - there is special window for them. My mom was smiling ear to ear. On the way home she was really jazzed & reminding me of past visits with the DMV.
I'm venting, but not really - just amazed that people don't see us, but sometimes even caregivers get a break.
Good luck. Ours cost 3,400 for just 2 weeks. You are lucky. Enjoy your vacation.
Linda
With Love Cindy
Carol
Cindy
Happy 4 th !!!
Had no internet for a few days. Glad to hear that you are getting help from your neighbors and have the fighting spirit. I know that you will be out there being a champion for our cause. Nursing homes do have to be revamped and yes, the system is not working. Good luck and we are all behind you!!!!!
Linda
Glad you are taking it slow & doing some gardening. I've always found gardening to be very comforting too. Its a nice way to slowly shift back to normal mode gradually a day at a time. I hope you have a good time at the wedding and let everyone pamper you a little bit. You deserve alot of hugs & pampering - - caregiving takes up so much of our life that it will be a bit strange deciding where to re-direct all that energy that went into caregiving. I'm willing to bet that you will become a forceful advocate for the rest of us!
I haven't seen any posts from Cindy in a while - hopefully she is ok. Let me know if you talk to her.
Everything is pretty much the same here - my mom is still doing well and is looking forward to the fireworks tomorrow. She really loves the holiday& gets a kick out of the little kids sooooo excited at the fireworks. So no matter what happens with this economy & such tonight I feel like this is as good as it gets and am grateful for everything - that includes knowing you, Austin my friend. I'm sending a cyber hug & wish you a good week. Looking forward to hearing how things go with the wedding & all.
Carol
Hang in there - you are doing all the right things!
Carmen
Glad you called Comfort Keepers. They have so wonderful for us and so good to mom. A new woman came today and she is just as great!!!! If you have the local guy come and interview your mom, she might feel more comfortable with the whole idea. Did that with mom, and it really helped.I tell my mom it is like getting a new friend. Tell your mom that if her friends are just as old as she is, they can't take care of her. If she is forgetting, have her make a memory book with the new helpers. She can cut out pictures, write down memories of her family and thoughts for the day. My mom cuts out articles on gardening for me, birds for her other granddaughter, and articles about Ireland and music for my daughter. She presented us all with scrapbooks filled with articles that are so useful. Keep up the good work and keep writing to us.
Linda
CLL007
Your love for your mother, and your humor (dark humor is all that we have sometimes) shows your spirit. We are with you. You are wise with trying the caregiving service slowly. You are wise in many ways. Keep checking in.
Carol
Take care of yourself.CLL007
You have plenty to be depressed about. Watching the decline is so awful, and most of us know what you are going through, though you have your own version. It wouldn't hurt, if you haven't seen a doctor about depression, to do so. Treatment for depression isn't going to change your mother's situation, or make you cheerful about the decline. But if you are clinically depressed, it may make it easier for you to deal with, if you get help. Please do consider a checkup.
Meanwhile, keep coming back here. We know how hard it is.
Carol
Carol