On My Mind

Some very dear friends of ours have received the best Christmas presents you can imagine! We all so overjoyed for them! It so amazing to see something wonderful happen to such good people. It’s my husband’s best friends brother M. First, M has a daughter from his first marriage. His ex wife is bat chit crazy and fled with their daughter overseas over 10 years ago. She has refused to let her see her dad. M has tried fighting for custody but the courts overseas will not help him. He was able to get visitation with her around 5 years ago and she wanted nothing to do with him. This girl is also M’s parents only biological grandchild and they have loved and missed her dearly all these years. It’s been a heartbreaking situation.

A week ago, M’s daughter CALLED HIM. She is now 18 years old and has had a huge falling out with her mother because again, her mother is a looney tune. She has moved in with another relative. She told M that the reason she refused to see him and talk to him all those years is because she was afraid of her mother :(
I can only imagine what that girl has been through. And now she can finally have a relationship with the father who has loved her and never gave up!

M is now remarried to the sweetest nicest woman, A. She has a son from her first marriage, G, he is 11. G’s father is a deadbeat and has been out of the picture for years. M has loved G as his son, treated him just like a son, since he married A. And today, M’s adoption of G was finalized!

And it just seems so special and so magical, to have all of this happen right before Christmas. It is going to be a very merry Christmas for their family!

Earthquakes have me wondering.

Becky that is hysterical! and great news for your friends Worried! Send, I am a bit concerned about North Koreas "Christmas gift" to the US.. I live near Washington DC and several military bases.

I guess I'm going to be running the AC each evening for the next week or so. The house is in the evening sun and warms to about 12 degrees F above the outside temperature. In winter, I usually enjoy the extra warmth, but sometimes it's just too warm for winter clothes and bedding. It got to 66 outside today so the house is 78 tonight and Mom finds her winter afghan too warm. The overnight low will be 38 so the house will cool to the 64 degree overnight thermostat setting around 3:00a or 4:00a and everyone will be cold under lighter covers... So I will run the AC to bring the house down to 68 or so at bedtime. Afternoon temps are forecast to be in the mid to high 60s for the next week.

TNTechie, what about opening a couple of windows as the sun is settling to cool the house down.

I have a similar situation and I find that opening the house up does cool it off and freshen it up.

Merry Christmas.

For a long time it was just DH and I, and we both enjoy the same things and always had fun together. Moved parents in, started doing things that they enjoy, not so much what we use to do. But we make the best of it. Now younger people are around and DH and I have gotten accustomed to doing things the older folks enjoy, like Mom and AB.
DH and I have been trying to think of things that we can all do so everyone has a good time. But we are clueless. Having a few people over Wednesday. We have no idea what we can do with all of them after eating so that everyone has a good time.
We are now soooo boring...........

Smeshque
Many many years ago, a favorite holiday pastime after dinner was listening to the old Christmas songs - Eartha Kitt's Santa Baby - and playing trivial pursuit
Card games or a jigsaw can be fun for all ages too

Isthisrealyreal, I would love to open some windows but my asthma takes that option off the table much of the time. During winter there's not much blooming outside, but neighbors use fireplaces and maintaining relative humidity in my house is more difficult because heating systems dry the air so much. The dry air can contribute to drying out the air passages enough to make small breaks in the skin which cause (1) a painful burning sensation when using alcohol based inhalers and (2) an easy entry for airborne viruses. I'm immune compromised from decades of taking medications to suppress my asthmatic reaction to various irritants so I need to be extra careful this time of year to not pick up some respiratory infection. The kids laugh about me using Clorox wipes to clean all the door knobs, light switches, remotes, game controllers, fridge and bathroom surfaces a couple times a day, but even with all the kids coming and going and some of them getting the colds and flu going around the schools, Mom and I have mostly avoided becoming ill for several winters now. Mom had the flu last winter but I think she picked it up at adult day care.

I have an old Nintendo Wii system, the first one that came out so it must be 10+ years old now. The Wii uses controller motion instead of just buttons to work the game and most people like the virtual batting practice or bowling games. My family likes the Nerf shooting gallery too; it has every Nerf gun ever sold and lots of virtual tin cans. The Wii has something kids from 4 or so and all the adults can play together.

For the more energetic, the xbox 360 kinect systems has some games that use body motion where you flap your arms to fly, or step and bend to ride a wooden float down a raging river or move to avoid obstacles while riding a train car.

All the old favorites, checkers, poker, old maid, fish, and rook usually get pulled out while we visit and watch "home alone" again. Sometimes looking through old photo albums is fun too.

FYI: a lot of gamestop shops have the older reconditioned game systems for less than $100, some pawn shops have them for even less.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone who posts on this forum and to those who just read it. I hope you all feel the warm love of Jesus in your hearts and have a peaceful, restful happy time. If you are one of those who chooses to not participate in it at all, remember that Christmas is in your heart so it doesn't matter if you are with people or not. Enjoy it, no matter how you decide to experience it!

O Holy Night!

On my mind...I live in one of the coldest states and it is 50 degrees and no snow for Christmas. I am not complaining but it is just weird.

It's pouring buckets
I've been hearing sirens for about 15 minutes

news app keeps flashing - heavy rain detected

at least it started late enough for most folks to make it home except for those stranded in snow on the grapevine and cajon

Falling asleep hearing the pouring rain.

On my mind.......some changes this Christmas and I don’t think my BIL and his ex wife considered their sons feelings at all. Overall we all had a nice Christmas Eve & Christmas Day as a family. But my nephew, He wasn’t himself and it was quite noticeable.

my nephew just turned 10. This is the first Christmas since his parents split up. They split up in July. Both introduced him to their new love’s immediately. They didn’t wait to introduce him. BIL as far as I know, started dating someone in October & he brought the gal and her 2 teenagers to nephews birthday party 2 weeks ago. For Christmas Eve, he had nephew all day and then ExSIL picked him up at our house at the end of the evening. And we all noticed his sadness. Christmas Day, which is also nephews birthday, We all went to SILs house for Pozole and tamales, and a white elephant exchange. ExSIL was there as planned-she had told me that her and BIL were spending the day with their son on Christmas Day. So BIL was there with the new girlfriend and her kids. And nephew was even sadder than the day before! When it was time to go, exSIL went home and nephew went with BIL & his girlfriend! The girlfriends kids were going to their dads house and she & BIL were taking nephew to the movies. Anyway......

I can’t help but wonder if nephews sadness wasn’t because it’s the first Christmas since the split. And after pondering it, I really think it was inappropriate for BIL to bring his new girlfriend. All of us adults, we know that this is how he rolls, he can’t be alone and as soon as he starts dating someone, he brings her around and acts like they have been together & in love for years! He has thought nothing of bringing a brand new girlfriend to thanksgiving and Christmas. He brought exSIL for Christmas just weeks after leaving his wife!! So for us adults, this was nothing. But for my nephew, I think it was a big deal and I don’t think anyone stopped to think about him and take in to consideration how he feels. And to me, that is just wrong. And unfortunately it’s the norm. My BIL and exSIL have never considered his feelings when it comes to anything. They’ve been split up for 5 months and have thrown their new relationships at him, and It’s not like they’ve only met him a few times, they are both around him regularly and now a part of his life when he hasn’t even had a chance to adjust and get used to his parents being apart! So my nephew has been weighing on my mind heavily today. I don’t even know how we as a family can help him. My SIL is very much like her mother/my MIL and will tell BIL what she thinks (and she is on the same page about most of this however she thinks it’s exSIL that is damaging nephew) but my BIL doesn’t listen to her anymore than he listened to MIL. So it all goes in one ear and out the other! So......I don’t know what we as a family can do other than hope he adjusts and gets accustomed to this. I don’t necessarily think BIL and exSIL should have spent Christmas together with him but I don’t think BILs new girlfriend should have spent Christmas with all of us. Don’t get me wrong, she seems nice and her kids are nice.......I just don’t think it was good for my nephew. and it is hard to see him once again suffering From the decisions his parents make.

Whenever there is a separation or divorce things like this will come up. Happens with most families, some sort of discomfort, what about loyalties? I have had to realize it is none of my business and is for only the parents and their children to work out. The rest of us just grin and bear it for as long as if takes and keep my mouth shut. Maybe there would be more helpful input on a divorce forum.

worriedinCali, the extended family can give your nephew a safe place for at least a few hours and some one-on-one attention. Someone can call him up and invite him to go to the star wars movie and stop for a burger or pizza afterwards and talk about the movie, how school is going, Christmas presents, etc. Give him your phone number and encourage him to call you. Call him when he's at his parents' homes and ask him how his day went, any special assignments from school, etc. His sadness may be related to how his life has been blown apart more than coping with new extended families. Is he still attending the same school? Living in the same house? If he has lost touch with friends because he no longer attends the same school or lives in the same neighborhood, maybe he could invite a couple of old friends to the movie trip? You cannot change his parents' behavior, but you can make it plain to your nephew he isn't the reason the marriage/home collapsed and what's happening isn't his fault. It's not really fair to him but life is often unfair. It's difficult to endure so many changes so quickly but things will get better in time. Let him know he matters to you and he can call you anytime to talk. Remember kids have no sense that life goes on and limited coping skills when upset. If it's bad today, it's probably going to be as bad tomorrow and forever. I know it can be challenging around visitation schedules, but if someone can pick him up and spend some time with him even one day a week for an afternoon or a supper it can make a really major impact. If he brings it up, don't pick sides in the divorce but let him know you found Christmas uncomfortable too. He needs validation for his feelings without the potential to hurt feelings or get blow back with his parents or their new relationship partners/step siblings.

Worried,

I am sure all these new changes in your nephew's life is overwhelming. Just think about how much has change in such a short time. Talk about stress...the poor kid didn't even get a chance to get use to the divorce then throw in dad's new girlfriend and her kids...splitting his time from one house to another and if his mom has a boyfriend, well then that is a lot for anyone to handle little long a 10 yr old! He is probably having so many feelings that he just doesn't know what to do with them; plus, he may be feeling or trying to figure out where does he fit in or is he left out in no man's land. Poor kid!

I think TNtechie has some good ideas because this kid needs to know that someone cares about him even if, you just gave him a few hrs a week. Sorry to say, "this kid needs someone to be his voice and help him in this difficult time." My heart just breaks for him!

Those are great ideas Tntechie. Thank you so much! He’s still attending the same school, his mom kept the house & he’s with her during the week and with BIL every weekend. BIL is renting a room. They all live 40 minutes from us, in the same city my SIL lives in. My SIL is the one who babysits him when needed. It’s hard for us because we’re 40 minutes away and can’t just pick him up after school & take him to do things with us. He’s with BIL on the weekend (and to be honest I’m sure BIL has him on weeknights too until ExSIL gets home, I can’t see exSIL cutting back her hours or giving up her social life to be home every night when nephew gets out of his after school program, she’s never done that). I was thinking along the same lines though—we can make more of an effort to be in his life and invite him to do things with us. (My husband and his siblings aren’t that close, we aren’t close with our nephews and niece, sad but true). We can have an open door policy just like my parents had, my uncle went through his 2nd divorce when I was 6 and my 2 cousins were always welcome at our house and my mom always included them in things we did whenever possible. Our house was a safe haven throughout the turmoil over the years.

she’ll that’s very true. He didn’t get a chance to adjust to all the changes. And his mom had a girlfriend before she & BIL even officially split for good! BIL was still living in the house & nephew was unaware of anything. And not long after they split, she started bringing her girlfriend around. I don’t know exactly when BIL got with his girlfriend but they made it “Facebook official” in early November I believe, but I know they were together in October because my SIL told me they did some Halloween stuff with her & her kids. My nephew has definitely been through a lot of changes in a short time. And I think the reason I worry is because he’s been through a lot in his short life, this is the 3rd time his parents split but the first time he’s been old enough to understand what’s happening. And my MIL, who he was very very close to, isn’t here this time to step in and be the support person he needs.

I’m sitting here reading my ebook and window shopping for freebie ebooks in Amazon but was having difficulty concentrating. AgingCare popped into my head... It’s been months since I’ve visited here. Did a quick peek on the different threads to see what’s happening.

We had a very beautiful full moon this month. It wasn’t hiding behind the clouds. Sorry, I’m straying..

It’s close to ending the year and the beginning of a new one. As a former caregiver, deep down I always knew that it brought my parent(s) closer to their end of the road. At the same time, it would make it scarier for me to what other problems will pop up.

From within me, I wish that each one of you will find something that brings you a bit of happiness or a sense of peace as we enter a new year. May you grab it with both hands (and legs and teeth), hold it close to your heart - to get through each - single - day... Mine is seeing the full moon in the late afternoon skies. What’s yours? .. Cyber Hugs to you all.... This is what’s on my mind. {sigh... seems I’m still wordy...sorry 🤦🏻‍♀️ ..}

Ahh, book. So good to see you! You have been on my mind, plenty, lately. Hope you are doing great!

Book! So good to see you! Happy New Year!

I'm glad to see that things are well with you Book!

Book - beautiful. Mom loves looking at the moon, too, and reporting the various stages to me.

Reading the Word, meditating on it and knowing that Jesus came to save me from death - all these help create peace within me.

Taking it one day at a time. Happy New Decade to all.

Hi Book! Happy New Year coming up.

Book it so good to hear from you again!

My health problems staying on my mind. Seems like one thing after another. My dialysis access port was damaged today accidentally. Have to use alternative port for my treatments. On Monday I have to have new port put in my arm and wait for it to be completely healed until it can be used. It was hard to get used to dialysis to start with and now a problem. Already scheduled for a simple cardiac procedure in February. Hope this is the end for problems for awhile.

((((((((book))))))) great to see a post from you. Hope you are doing well. Some of us "oldies" whose parent(s) have passed are hanging in here. I look forward to this year as being one with less complications, less fam-dram!!! That certainly would increase happiness and peace. All the best to you, book, for the coming year. Keep in touch. You're a ⭐

Love and peace you, Book

Becky,

you have the most positive and resilient manner of anyone I know

I wish you and Jay a calm peaceful New Year

MsM