
Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
Statistically, the percentage of caregivers who die before the person they are caring for is quite high. Don’t be a statistic.
This helped me make the difficult decision to move my husband into memory care because I was beginning to see serious health concerns for myself, physically and mentally. I vowed not to let HIS disease cause my own demise.
This has been especially difficult because I am now on the outs with my sister who is his health proxy. I haven't heard from her at all since we last spoke in February because my daughter called her out on her passive aggressive behavior and now she is angry at me. My last conversation with her I was upset because my DH was in the hospital because of heart issues. She never called to ask how he was.
I tried very hard to reconcile with her a few years ago but she is very easy to become insulted and just write you off. She's like my mother, you have to walk on eggs and appease. It's sad but I realize there is no getting our relationship back and I am going to let her go. It was never good, and I blame our mother for that. I realize now that mother managed to isolate the three of us and did not allow us to create sibling bonds. I wish my sister well but I cannot handle her passive-aggressive behavior long distance anymore.
My other sister (her twin who doesn't speak to her anymore either) saw our father a few weeks ago and said he was in bed but okay. He had very bad bed sores which were successfully treated (oh happy day). He's on hospice, I am hoping he doesn't recognize me anymore because I don't want to see him like this and I feel I need to justify my not going anymore. I simply cannot stand the fact that he is still alive in this miserable state and wish he would finally die.
I'm so sorry for your situation. Don't worry about your sister or her nonsense. The choice to go see your father or not go is yours to make and has nothing to do with her. Whatever you choose is right. There's no wrong thing to do here. It's okay to wish he would die. When someone is in the terrible condition your father is in, no one should want to see that misery prolonged. Please, don't beat yourself up with guilt wishing he would go. It will be a relief to you when he does finally go. Also, you do not have to justify anything to anyone. If you don't want to visit, you don't have to. Live by my motto: Don't explain and don't complain.
You don't have to visit your father that often or any more if that is what is best for you. There comes a time when you have to put you first - your physical and mental health and peace of mind, You have a lot on your plate that you can set as priorities in your life. Perhaps visiting dad has to be lower down the list than before. That's OK. Things beyond our control change and we have to change with them. You have to look after you - put you first at least some of the time.
My heart goes out to you. 💕