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Try, Riverdale, to take it a day at a time. As I said the first year after diagnosis is pretty crazy - making and you and your daughter will BOTH be doing some odd stuff. I played Solitaire and would tell myself however many cards I got up would be the number of years I could live. When I got none up I would say "This is just a freaking silly game" and when I got up 53 I would say "I can't live THAT long even without the danged cancer". When I got up five I would say "Yeah. Five. Sounds good. Will take that". Every time I got a twinge in head I would think "Yup. It's in the brain". Or in the knee would think "Yup, in my bones". At one year they "thought they saw something on chest xray and made me have a scan and then said "We didn't see anything". I was furious. I felt like a rape victim. I had had myself dead and buried in a week. And so it goes. Just a nutty year full of questions. And you are always in the "waiting" room waiting for surgery or for test results or for chemo. Waiting room is the worst room in the house.
How I treasured those who made me laugh, even when the humor was PERVERSE. I watched Moonstruck so many time I think I know the script to this day.
There are lessons in all this. There are ways you will learn you deserve GOOD and you will GRAB it.
You will get through. Let your mind go wherever it wants. Trust me, if you died of negativity I would have been gone 82 years ago. Don't let anyone further victimize her by demanding she have a "good attitude". Bad attitudes don't kill.
Thinking of you on this journey. Glad she has you. Hope she will include the little ones in a healthy way. Remember, they won't fear so much her dying as they will want to know WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF US IF ANYTHING HAPPENS. Reassure them that there will always be a TON of people taking care of them with a ton of love.
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Thank you for the good wishes and tales of experiences. I appreciate it very much. At times like this I gravitate to going into hibernation. I know I will be better when we travel to Texas next month to help out after the surgery.

Her in law family is huge and they mostly reside there. Her mother in law has been in treatment for cancer for 9 months now. I know they will provide help . I just have to not go to the place in my head where if it got worse how would I see those 3 grandchildren. I am just still trying to absorb the shock of the news. She has met with 2 different surgical practices as well as an oncologist so I believe this will be best as they are all in agreement as to how to proceed.

Again thank you for your very kind wishes.
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So sorry River, this has to be so hard for your family, Alvas right! In a year from now 🙏💓
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Riverdale:
My first very aggressive cancer hit me at age 47. I had mastectomy and adjuvant chemo for 6 months. The cancer at the time had already spread to my lymph nodes (in fact how it was FOUND) and was in two nodes. I did not have any problems after that for THIRTY SIX YEARS. I have had now another cancer in the other breast at age 81, last Feb. I have chosen now at this old age to treat conservatively with removal of the lump and watching the breast, no chemo and no radiation. Just had my 6 month followup. All looks great so far.

You lovely daughter can do this. It is much more terrifying when you have youngsters, for all involved. It's gonna be one crazy year but it will pass. I send you and her the very best of wishes and goodluck.
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River - so sorry. A couple of years ago my dd had a lumpectomy (as advised by her surgeon), radiation and chemo. In fact, she is still on the last of the chemo. I am glad your dd is stage 0. It sounds like precancer. I have had a couple of friends who had the same and a mastectomy and never had any further problems. My dd was 2b which is not the worst but not the best. She has been clear since treatment and we pray that continues.

Prayers for you all. It's a very difficult time for a family. My heart goes out to you. Try to keep up a normal routine. It is best for you keep somewhat active and live as normal as you can. From what I have read the prognosis for stage 0 is excellent. ((((hugs)))) and prayers
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Riverdale, I am believing with your family that she is going to come through all of this well.

I will keep her and your entire family in my prayers.
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Hit button too soon. It is stage zero but there is concern it could grow. The alternative would be a lumpectomy and radiation which she does not want.

She has 3 children (11,9 and 2 year old). It is often said that one would prefer to have an affliction on themselves rather than our children.

Just have to find courage to get myself together every day and not spend the day in bed.
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Our family just found out that my 43 year old daughter has to have a mastectomy since in the milk duct of the breast there is a 9cm something. I can't think of thd term. The alter
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Golden,
Great news!
As my realtor said few months ago once it is signed it is pretty much done deal!
Don’t worry about house inspection.
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Golden, sounds like things are moving along. That’s great.
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The document is signed. The house inspection is September 19th so that is the next hurdle.

If it goes well the possession date is Oct 7th. I so appreciate prayers for all to work out smoothly.

I know God has a plan - I hope this is it! lol 😊

It is such a blessing that they will take the furniture. I have offered to my cleaner, who has done other jobs for me for nothing, to take anything she wants. She already has a white wicker chair and stool, and wants the carved wooden chest my mother brought up from Haiti. She is more than welcome to it. She has been so good to me. I have to do something to thank the lady next door for looking after my plants so well. The white violet, white anthurium and pink anthurium and blooming nicely and the ivy and others are thriving. She has been very good to me too. So grateful for kind, helpful people.
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That is great news Golden!
It will go well.
Selling, giving away furniture was the worse!
So great they take your furniture.
Hope all goes well.
Once people give good deposit, there is very little chance of sale not happening.
Keep us updated.
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I truly hope this deal works out for you Golden. Fingers crossed!
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Thanks for prayers. My real estate agent countered with a slightly higher figure and they accepted. It will pay for some of the costs of selling. Please keep up the prayers that all the paperwork etc will go smoothly. I am starting to feel relieved but don't dare till all the paperwork is signed. Deep breaths - relax!!!! This has been a much longer journey than I figured it would be.
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Prayers sent that it all goes well and you are done before winter. Such good news that the offer is something you will consider.
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Golden- that's awesome! The new buyers taking the furniture makes things so much easier
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On another topic, and very much on my mind, I got a lowball offer on the house, which very quickly got raised to something I will consider - and - they will happily take all the furniture, which I was giving away on a Fort Mc site with lots of takers. This would be a blessing for me,

We were planning to go up about Sept 15 to get rid of the furniture and take the plants and pics. They want possession Oct 15. It would be great to not have to deal with the furniture and have the house sold before the winter.

Prayers would be greatly appreciated. 😊
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Golden thanks, I'm doing awesome actually. Not everything is on my shoulders anymore.

And I'm able to spend sometime with mom, do somethings for her but have a life, at the same time!

What ever happens is going to happen!
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nacy - you can only do so much. It's your mum's choice too. I took on being POA to protect my mum from my sister. I refused to do a joint POA with my sister - it was either me alone or not me at all. Anyway "Let go and let God" helps very much with dysfunctional families.
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Golden, this is the brother that is doing much more for mom , and why I was doing so much for her, to keep him from doing so much.

I know of 2 falls , she had that he covered up for her. Due to back sudden pain, and bruises.

But , " let go let God" I'm over all that.
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Cwillie, Im sure if anti vaxer get bit by an animal with rabies , they will be begging for those rabies shots!
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Anti-vaxxers aren’t vaccinating their pets. Can’t risk Rover getting autism. (sarcasm)
The prospect of a rabies outbreak should terrify everyone. There is no cure. None.
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I love this show on PBS , called " Call the Midwives". It's about midwives in the 50s era , in England, a few of the episodes was before , during and after Poli.

People where begging for the vaccine.

I feel like if life was like it was back then , more people would get vaccinated especially for childhood illnesses.

The show went though, TB, polio, deptheria, all the same era.
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cw - Before vaccines babies did die or had lasting ill effects from childhood diseases. That's precisely why there are vaccines. Grown ups can suffer too - Mumps in adults can be very serious. You can't do any more than bring it to his attention.
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Unfortunately I got a snarky reply, so I then asked him if he knew that his grandmother had a baby brother who died of a childhood disease (unknown) and that she herself had suffered through diphtheria. I'm sure her parents would have given their arms for the things too many people today are discarding so cavalierly. I don't know if it will make a difference but at least I haven't been silent.
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Good for you cw and nacy!

I put great pressure on someone to get their infant vaccinated with measle vaccine and more. The baby's mother didn't believe in vaccines.

Re measles, the statistics are pretty telling when you compare the death or health problems of unvaccinated babies with those who are vaccinated.
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Unfortunately Willie, these types of people will never listen.

I came so close to getting my brother arrested, because my nephew was anorexic, skin and bones. and my brother thinks religious people don't get mental disorders, and we will just pray it away.

While I was sitting on the couch with numbers in my hand, my former sister-in-law, that I was working with, called and said stop, because my brother finally agreed to letting my nephew go live with her.

It was horrible. My parents almost had to take my sister to court , she was Jehovah witness , my nephew ripped his spleen apart and my sister and her husband where refusing blood transfusion.

Going back to my last post, I think it should now be called the Club sandwich generation
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I just sent a text to my nephew calling him a dumbass for not ever taking his 6 month old to the doctor for routine check ups and vaccinations (and that's not the only idiotic things they are doing as parents). I'm tired of pussy footing around this stuff, how are people to know they are being foolish unless somebody tells them? You read tragic news stories all the time about loving parents doing absolutely stupid things like treating their sick children with prayers and herbal medicines and you have to wonder why nobody ever called them out. And with so much information available from reputable sources why oh why are people getting health and parenting advice from tiktok?
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"On my mind". People are living longer and longer. Needing more and more care.

There just needs to be some kind of changes in the world to help or accommodate that.

And much much more understanding, that those of us in are 60s should not be doing this until we are in are 70s or 80s .

Times have changed, things really need to change with it.

My parents where in the sandwich generation, young kids aging parents. But that seems to be going away. Now it's retired, grandparents taking care of there parents. I'm not sure what this is called.

My mom lives in an old neighborhood, moms 88 almost 89, there are 5 women in her neighborhood above 90. There all holding out , because they don't want to be next, waiting to see who is next. With 70 year olds taking care of them.

I remember about 20 years ago, I had to go to the foot doctor. I was sitting there , this very angry looking over 70 year old was pushing a very frail mother. I remember thinking , I don't want that to be me. Then one day I realized this is who I am becoming.

Joined this forum and made changes.

Just venting out some thoughts
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I read today advice (not on the site) to say ‘no’ – just by itself. It said that ‘no’ plus an explanation invites a discussion or an argument, ‘no’ is just ‘no’. I thought, nicely put!
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