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((((((Way)))) Oh, dear. here you go again. Hopefully someone there makes sensible decisions. Kee[ us updated!
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Waytomisery, drive safe, and best of luck. So sorry 😔, let us know how it goes. We will be thinking of you
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Mother in law in the hospital again , making the 200 mile drive to attempt “ unsafe discharge “ again . Hoping it sticks this time .
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Cwillie, on the Joni Mitchell moment, it is probably because you are hearing (actively or passively) Joni Mitchell in the news and social media heavily past few days.

maybe a week or so ago Amanda Seyfried was on the Tonight Show. LSS she pulls out a dulcimer!!! sings “California”. Pretty amazeballs as she has a great voice and had this whole retro boho chic look going on. Of course it went viral. Big time viral. And she’s out doing press for that new Peacock series and the Joni Mitchell comparisons keep popping up. Like she’ll do an interview and it will run a Mitchell song for her intro or ending. Or someone’s podcast will talk abt what to stream and her series gets mentioned and presto another Mitchell earworm played.

I image it’s all about her getting placed to do the Mitchell biopic. Like who just happens to have a dulcimer in their car.
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cw and alva - I'm trying to do both, within the limits of my body. Despite my various food intolerances/allergies there is still lots of good healthy food to eat that I enjoy. The list is more limited than it was, but that is life for many things as you age. I honestly don't enjoy bingeing on sweets or junk food. Once I did but now I don't. The after effects aren't worth it. As far as drink goes, alcohol is a  Group 1 carcinogen and I choose not to ingest it, not that that is a great loss for me, I prefer my calories and cancer risks in other forms.

bob - your mom will die one day. That's definite. So maybe it was a "heads up" to prepare yourself. I think dreams do reflect what's on our minds.

cw - weird, I agree.
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I woke up with Joni Mitchel's circle game running through mind, I can't remember when I last heard that song.... weird.
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@Blickbob,
Dreams, to me, usually reflect in some odd way what we are going through and what we are trying to work out in our minds, prepare for, come to terms with. I think that's what your dream means.
The demise of your mom NOW would, I believe, be entirely coincidental, but we being humans, who want REASONS will most certainly make up a whole story around it, just as we do in dreams.

We tell dreams in "art" if you will, in allegory, in stage sets.
I love the dream world--just love it. And I so wonder at that being, for one half our lives, our "real world". I so prefer that world to real life.
I think your dream is lovely, to tell the truth, told with the majesty you see in a state funeral, or the funeral of "someone important".
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Last night, I dreamt I lost my mom. At her service, she wasn't in a coffin. Instead, she was laid out the same way a dead pope lies in state during his funeral at St. Peter's Basilica before being put in a coffin. She was dressed much differently than I've ever seen her and she wasn't wearing what I plan to have her wear when she actually passes away.

With that dream and the blood moon tonight, it's making me wonder...

Was it a crazy dream...or a warning/heads up...?
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cwillie, there used to be a doctor named Dean Edell, still alive but retired, who did a radio show on KGO talk radio when it was alive. He was so full of common sense as well as medical advice and actually WROTE a BOOK called Eat, Drink and be Merry. His belief is that research shows that by doing EVERYTHING you could/should to prolong everything gets you perhaps another year in the nursing home, and he wonders why you would want that.

At 83 this year and 84 respectively, my partner and I find that we simply cannot TOLERATE what we once could in unhealthy things; they wreck havoc on our systems. So it isn't for want of trying to eat bad that we eat better. And our old joints MUST keep moving and exercising, or, it is now clear, they will not work well.

Perhaps there is a happy medium somewhere, but in my experience humans aren't great at control. Wish you well. I side with "happiness" if it means the occ. bag of Trader Joe's Original potato chips.
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I've reached a point in my life where not sure whether it should be eat, drink and be merry or trying my best to preserve my health for as long as possible.
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cw - it's very sad.
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I've just been reading the update about Gene Hackman and his wife Betsy Arakawa..... 😖
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Way, glad the wound care specialist coming in as she/he is a mandated reporter of unsafe situation.
They are loathe to take a citizen's rights if that person is somewhat competent.
You may be down to sitting back and "waiting for the call" from medical, hospital or from the coroner.
To be honest, enforced placement, allowing for another year or so of unhappy life?
Let it go where it's going; don't enable it by stepping in. About all I can say, and that's very tough to do.
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Alva ,
She must have done well enough in rehab to go home last month . I have not seen her recently . DH and I saw her prior to rehab in the hospital . We live 4 hours away .
She lies and says she will hire an aide , get grab bars and get a stair lift etc . She says she uses a walker now . Most likely because she can’t do at all without it .
The bar seems to be getting lower as far as discharge . If they are lucid and I guess understand their situation , and the consequences , they can go home .
A wound care nurse comes to the house .
My MIL showtimes very well , is very convincing .
BTW. MIL does not fully comprehend her situation . She thinks she’s going to get better . She’s declining . She is in later stages of CLL, She has lost a ton of weight , gets iron infusions , her color is slightly jaundiced . Also in moderate kidney failure .She’s stooped over so far she’s looking at only the floor when she ( barely ) walks . This has been slowly deteriorating for years .
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But Way, being lucid isn't key in discharge. Or isn't the ONLY key.
Can she take care of herself?
If no it is an unsafe discharge and should be reported to JCAHO.

Also, if she isn't able to do own care then the call gets placed and she's transported back. Do that enough and it dings hospital for early re-admit, a big one that clues in JCAHO that there was inadequate discharge and unsafe discharge.

I am so sorry for all you're going through Way.
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(((((((way)))))) - the crises keep happening. One of them will be big enough. Mil's partner's family really aren't helping but good of them to phone dh. The waiting game in no fun. Hope your dd is doing better.
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Thanks burnt ,

DH and I just hold on to “ it’s the last parent in this dementia trilogy “. 😭😭
3 out of 4 had/have dementia . MIL is the last parent living .
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@waytomisery

I'm so sorry you're in the weeds with your MIL. If she showtimes that well and the hospital or APS won't help with her, you're just going to have to let the chips fall where they may. Just trust that none of it is your fault.
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@burht ,
The ER sent her back home last night .

We failed at “ unsafe discharge” last month when she was in the hospital . The social worker said she’s “ lucid “ .

She showtimes well . She was sent to rehab last month for a bit . The social worker at rehab never returned one call to DH even though he left messages about being concerned about her going home .

So we wait .

MIL was upset that my DH found out she was at the ER . When DH called the ER and spoke to her , MIL wanted to know who told him . DH didn’t tell her that MIL’s partner’s son had called my DH . The partner’s Alzheimer’s is so bad , and couldn’t remember why my MIL went in the ambulance . Partner’s son figured he’d better call my DH .
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@waytomisery


Change what things you can. Accept the things you cannot change. Have the wisdom to know the difference.

It is time for you to wash your hands of your MIL. Tell the hospital she is an unsafe discharge and let them figure out what to do with her next.
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Hothouseflower,

My deepest condolences at the loss of your friend. All of this life is suffering and none of it is fair. Your friend is beyond all pain and suffering now and I hope knowing that brings you some measure of comfort, my friend.
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MIL is still avoiding placement . Has been released from rehab with a wound vac to a very large leg wound following surgery to an infected cut from yet another fall .

Last night she called an ambulance due to sciatica pain . Went to the ER asking for narcotics . She got told a big “ NO”, and to wait for her appt she has at the pain clinic next week . The ER sent her back home .

She’s like a bird with a broken wing still trying to fly .
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Hothouse, life can be incredibly unfair. I'm so sorry about the loss of your bestie, and her losing her battle with the brain tumor. Big (((((hugs))))) 😔 I pray you can find some comfort somewhere, maybe with mutual friends and memorials. I'm so sorry.
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HHF: Very sorry. Deepest condolences.
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hothouse -my deepest condolences. You'll always miss a good friend. I agree life isn't fair. Take care of you. (((((hugs)))))
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Sorry Hothouse,

I agree . Life isn’t fair . Young people die who shouldn’t . And old people suffer too long . It all just stinks .
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Hothouse Flower. No, life is not fair. I am so sorry for this loss.
I recommend Roger Rosenblatt's book on his grief over the loss of his daughter, a doctor, at her young age of 38, leaving two babies and a hubby. The book is titled Kayak Morning and is a beautiful meditation on all the thought of what we go through when there is a loss. Rosenblatt, a true believer, said the afternoon he was informed of her sudden death "God, that's the LAST prayer you ever get from me", so you can imagine the impact of the loss of this apparently marvelous child.
Life isn't fair. We all know that. But even "fair losses" can devastate us.
The HOLE that is left by someone we NEED in our life is a perfect description. Nothing says it quite so well.
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Hothouses, I am so sorry for your loss. May The Lord give you strength, peace, comfort and guidance during this difficult time.
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My best friend's ordeal with glioblastoma ended last night. I'm just heartbroken and can't believe that she is gone. There is a gigantic hole in my life that can never be filled.

I also can't help but be angry that my 96 y/o father with his plethora of health issues outlived her. Life is not fair.
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Ali,
Working in the field is the most exciting time of all, in my experience.

Who you "intern" with may want to hire you, which is a compliment and recognition of your value and work ethic.

[If that (Like an internship?) is what you are referencing is the step you are taking.]

Sign yourself up, jump in.

See what the hours are, try it.
And try not to lead with needing accommodations.
You will be doing so well, they might not notice you needed time off. imo.
And you might not either.
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