Countrymouse Posted November 2018
On My Mind
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Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
Working in the field is the most exciting time of all, in my experience.
Who you "intern" with may want to hire you, which is a compliment and recognition of your value and work ethic.
[If that (Like an internship?) is what you are referencing is the step you are taking.]
Sign yourself up, jump in.
See what the hours are, try it.
And try not to lead with needing accommodations.
You will be doing so well, they might not notice you needed time off. imo.
And you might not either.
So I understand.
I did go back to work after a couple of years off at the beginning of the CFS/FM and was able to manage, in part due to the fact we had flex time. We had to be in class to teach and available at work for our 5 office hours a week and any meetings we were called to. Apart from that we could work at home.
I appreciate what you are saying about the flexibility of your present work and the support you get.
Also, I agree that you can likely accomplish that again. The world is much more accepting of "variations" of many kinds than it was. That includes health issues. People with different needs can work due to accommodations that are made for them.
Then there's the apprehension of something big and new which can affect any of us. That involves loss of the comfort of the "known" we have been accustomed to and taking a leap of faith into the unknown. I am totally sure you can manage that!
Goodness, girl. Look how far you have come! Your health issues haven't held you back from achieving academic excellence!!! All power to you. I know you will figure this out.
Personally, I feel like that feeling is what adrenaline junkies pursue, every bit of us is alive with vigilance because we are out of our comfort zone and it is scary but, it is exciting because we are growing.
You got this!
I have 3 classes remaining in my MS program. It's *time* to transition to working in the field. The weird thing keeping that from happening is my current stability and comfort levels. I mostly like my job, my coworkers, my work, my day-to-day schedule of 11am-7pm. It's all so stable and cushy. It's comforting to stay where I am, I suppose.
I also have persistent CFS symptoms where I may be exhausted for days, and sometimes it can be weeks. This is concerning to me, when starting a new routine and new work duties. My current employer knows that I work very hard WHEN I can. They're gracious about allowing me a day off when needed. And trying to navigate my limitations in a new line of work is really intimidating.
However, surely I can cultivate all the positive rapport I experience in my current job again in a new line of work, right? In the long term, I want to work in behavioral services. I chose the right path; I'm just getting lazy (I'm scared, I think) about the change because IT'S HERE. There are so many opportunities around where I live. I don't lack options.
I have a meeting with a therapist on Monday to try to work through this moment in my life. I feel so fortunate to have these options, "spoiled for choice." But truly, I'm very scared, too. I have to meet new people, get out there, and get to work in a new field. And I'm scared. Of what, exactly? It's just all of it.
Thanks for humoring me... 😅 I typed this up on AC here instead of grinding away at my Implementing Procedures for Behavior Change class material.
are you masking? no
are you isolating? well I hardly ever leave my desk
Are you sanitizing everything you touch? uhm...
I don't care if influenza, covid or some random enteric virus isn't usually listed as the direct cause of death in nursing homes, if my fragile loved one gets sick and dies shortly after recovering I'm sure as H____ gonna connect those dots.
My own daughter, early 60s, dealing with something in hip now, missed for THREE YEARS because they kept telling her "referred" pain from bulging discs in her back. Turns out she had torn tendons and muscles, torn from a fall three years ago right from their anchor. Now a bit better after a "tenex" procedure I have never heard of.
But these things get missed, misdiagnosed, and with your hubby you have the added awful problem in that he cannot completely be a good subjective "reporter" of his symptoms.
So hard, these things. So many things just "missed". They say A.I. is better at getting a real diagnosis when the symptoms are fed in than our own docs with an MRI to read. Yikes.
Funny story the guy who delivered my mom's oxygen commented it looked like a Mexican drug store in their place now I get the imagery. Yo can I get some antibiotics? 😂
No calm patch for me. Rather opposite.
It is frustrating that no doctor has any answers or solutions. Hubby on hydromorphone for over a month and even with that in pain all the time. I don’t know what else they would give him if this drug stops working. It looks like it.
Hope it will get better for you day by day as hubby adjusts somewhat.
Nacy,
Good to hear that you are back and enjoyed your cruise.
The solution is to run !!! 🏃🏃♀️🏃♂️Even if for a long weekend getaway when possible . We are planning on it for June . But who knows if it will need to be canceled 🤷♀️🤷♀️.
Hang in there . You are doing a great job !!
Eva, it’s so good to ‘hear your voice’. I hope you’ve hit a calm patch.
Golden, from your lips to Gods ears! Everything else in my life has been neglected but when a do manage a quiet hour I can’t focus. This is an unnatural state of mind for me and very uncomfortable.
I love reading your posts - you are so grounded.
I imagine it takes a bit to get your land-legs.
So sorry to read about all of this.
Way, so true no aide will prevent falls.
Psue, hope you get some rest, must be exhausting week.
I am for scream in my pillow thread as well.
Psue - If you can, enjoy a little relax time. You have earned it.
We are home . MIL tried again to weasel out of going to rehab . Thankfully the doc at the hospital told her if she didn’t go to rehab she would have to sign AMA and that no nurse or therapy or any home health would come to the house.
Fielding phone calls from her two siblings . The one is ridiculous , he wants us to prevent her falls by getting an aide at home ( which MIL will fire ).
MIL will think that rehab is going to make her “ better “ , she will ditch the walker when she goes home ……
I get the thyroid analogue. I have had high thyroid too and it's just awful. Wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Indeed, it will take time for the drugs to kick in and for everyone to get a sense of where dh is at.
cw - that's helpful
way - Oh dear! Are you home yet?. Don't tear your hair out. it takes too long to grow back in. I gather mil's crazy choices are still in force.
During the day it’s a different story. It will be another week or two before the slow acting drug kicks in. When I visit he can’t sit still. I think I can somewhat understand what he’s feeling. There was a time when my thyroid went out of whack and I felt like I was being chased by something unseen, 24 hours a day. It was nice to be thin for a year but the constant internal buzzing and paranoia was terrible. DH acts as if he feels the same way but without the ability to understand why.
I do think memory care is looming in the near future but we all need to give the drugs time to work. I hope the staff can be patient. It’s very difficult to base decisions on what is best for DH when I don’t really know what that is.
Let us know how it works out. Mil will spin all the tales she needs to, to to get her own way. It may be her downfall.
How are you holding up?
((((Psue)))). Big learning curve! So hard on all of you. At least you have some meds now. Next step is to get them administered appropriately. It's such a big change for both you and dh. Good for you getting the meeting postponed. That was a very good move. I honestly can't see that it would have been productive. Everyone has anxieties to deal with. Dh needs time to adjust to his new environment and for the staff to figure out what is best for him. As you say, the combination of meds is tricky.
How did it work out for dh last night? Are there still thoughts of moving him to MC?
Did you get any sleep?
He SAYS he’s sleeping at night and he isn’t falling asleep during the day while I’m talking to him like he was at home. But he obviously isn’t a good self reporter.
I think I understand a little bit better about the juggling act some meds require. Heart failure - you don’t want them to retain fluid; nighttime urine incontinence - you DO want them to retain fluid. You want them relaxed but you don’t want them dizzy or falling down. Not sure what the contraindications for these new antianxiety meds are and if they play nice with all the other things he’s taking. All are above my pay grade I’m afraid. It will be interesting to see what happens tonight.
Send, I’ve been all over the place on the forum with my issues, not knowing where to park. There are so many overlapping concerns! I’m getting good, actionable advice though, from posters I trust and admire, so it’s paying off.
I’m about 10 minutes from the AL facility and for the first week I was maintaining DH’s meds myself. Big mistake, my fellow newbies! Relinquishing control is scary but if you don’t, it makes it harder for the facility and the PCP to work together and pivot when it’s necessary. One lesson learned; many, many to go.
When DH does this , call the facility and tell them to give him his med .
Giving him the med each night before he is in such a state would be better . Hopefully in time you can have the med order changed to every night at bedtime if it is noted it is needed.
Unfortunately , sometimes the phones are not answered and you do have to drive there to talk to staff , until your husband gets on a med routine .
It really should not be this difficult to ask for an evening med daily . Sorry you are going thru this .
As far as your question below . I’ve seen it both ways . Some are exhausted the next day after a tough night , others act like nothing ever happened . How do you know your DH is able to sleep at night ?
It seems doctors are all over the place regarding meds . My sister’s neurologist only gave her Aricept . Waste of time since she’s past the point of that doing anything . The PCP , addressed her anxiety and agitation too aggressively in my opinion . Two new meds at once . She is refusing the med she should be on , Seroquel , at night . She won’t take it because she says she’s “ not schizophrenic, or psychotic “. She googled what Seroquel is for . But it is used very often at night for Dementia anxiety and agitation too . However she takes the Xanax during the day which is not a good drug with Lewy Body . But she is willing to take that one 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️. She’s been sleeping more during the day . In my opinion she should take the Seroquel at night ( it worked well for her when she had delerium in the hospital ). I think the Xanax and Aricept should be discontinued .
There were times when nothing but boots on the ground would help, and it was a two-hour drive. I wasn't the primary caregiver, not the POA, but my dH and I would go anyway.
Maybe you can go an hour before visiting hours are over.
I don't know if you are able to go or not.
Find out if the AL actually takes on the responsibility of administering the meds,
or do they have a different care plan?
Apologies if I have not kept up about your struggles, hoping this will be helpful.
I think this is the time to go, or reach the nurses station, if there is one at an AL.
"when to give the prn med. as last night DH again called me,
** frantic,
**to talk him off the precipice and
** into his pjs and bed.
** Lots of confusion, disorientation, fear and even some crying,"
The PCP appointment was a little tense but fruitful. We came away with a slow to start medication as well as a prn. Now I’ve got to figure out how they determine when to give the prn med. as last night DH again called me, frantic, to talk him off the precipice and into his pjs and bed. Lots of confusion, disorientation, fear and even some crying, but no medication! He is able to sleep afterwards but I’m not! Today I will ask about their definition of “as needed”.
@Burnt, and anyone else with gobs of experience with Alz, when I ask DH the morning after a bad night if he remembers calling me, he says he doesn’t. He also says he doesn’t remember being so very upset. My questions: does the memory of deep distress like that linger somewhere in the unconscious mind? Does it take time to dissipate in the body, like the rush of adrenaline when you’re in danger? Is it possible to experience that much confusion without fear or that much anxiety without physical effect? if not, why on Earth would there be any reluctance to medicate?
Or, is it a waste of time to ask questions like this?