Countrymouse Posted November 2018
On My Mind
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Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
Keep Colorado in your thoughts, please. It is so depressing brings tears to my eyes so hard on those people and animals directly impacted.😞
Come on colder weather and tons and tons of snow! Got some overnight but not in the most needed areas. Time to get out winter sweaters. High to be in the 20's through the weekend and into next week.
Yes, Cwillie, there is a lag. And I cannot explain what it is, but my computer is just not right.
Our electricity at home was out this morning when we woke up, it is back on.
Then really active earthquakes in Alaska, and even though we did not feel them, it is disconcerting to hear of so many, so large, and at first a possible Tsunami warning on the coast, which was cancelled.
I think the one thing that bothered me the most was a sickening post 😳🤮🙈😩😫😱on social media, causing me to 'hide' post, see less; snooze person for 30 days; then unfriend; next, go Block that family member!
All I can think of right now is to put on my jammies and go to bed early.
Hoping everyone here tonight gets some good sleep, a restful sleep, with a new start on Tuesday morning. (or whatever morning it is for you all over the world).
Hope you get your News Feed working CW.
Will start working on Christmas orders tomorrow.
Take care!
I realize mine is not such a bad situation but it has been going on for more than 10 years... With ups and downs but I was feeling hard to carry the responsability of my mom's health on my shoulders for so long.
I read something which explains perfectly what I mean:
A psychology teacher showed a glass to the class. Everybody thought it was again the half full/half empty glass story. Instead the teacher asked how much it weighted. Every body tried to answer... The teacher explained its weight depended on how long you hold it.
Well, my glass is not so heavy but I have been holding it for nearly 11 years!
I am now allowing myself to take a little time to rest.
For example, I want to save the "How to care for myself while aging (late 70s)?" There are so many good ideas, suggestions, and advice that I want to refer back later when I need. But how can I find it easily, or even remember that it's there? A few months from now, it will be buried in the jungle of threads under the "Following" category.
Wish there can be another category called "Saved" so you can save just the threads you want.
Agingcare admin, how about that?
Okay, that surely explains an awful lot. Looking at it from that perspective is telling.
Perhaps that is why your niece was stand-offish. She most likely felt awkward.
She’s young and doesn’t have the life experience to understand these situations and remained quiet.
Your brother wants to offer his daughter his best. I get that. I also get that sometimes people need a little help to get over a hump. He is trying to avoid paying back expensive student loans so he asked your dad for help.
Fine, but he didn’t even consent to visit your mom’s grave. That is a shame and I don’t blame your dad for being upset about it.
Your dad has a beautiful heart so it doesn’t surprise me that he is willing to provide for his grandchild.
He doesn’t want his grandchild to be left out. How sweet and quite generous of your dad.
He has no vengeance in his heart. There is a special special place in heaven for people like your dad. Don’t you think?
Another fire is out!
How terribly sad. That’s awful. You must be devastated discovering how he feels. That’s pretty shallow.
That being said, some people are heavily in debt. They can also lose money in a short amount of time if it isn’t managed well.
Again, I am not defending any of your brother’s actions. He hurt your family. People make mistakes. Your dad was perfectly willing to forgive. Your father is genuinely kind and loving.
You’ve just proven once again how lovely your parents were to him. There is no question in my mind that they gave him unconditional love.
For your father to get his hopes up only to be dashed in very unsettling.
I completely understand your father’s emotions in this matter and I feel that he is justified. Your dad wasn’t just disappointed but he was deeply hurt. It’s heartbreaking.
What parent doesn’t want the very best for their children? They teach children to become independent and reach their goals. They teach values. As you say, they gave all of you their best and he somehow went off track.
He’s smart and handsome but lost out on his family. He could have mega millions of dollars but you would be richer because you have your dad.
If he isn’t suffering financially, why do some people always want more? When does it turn into greed?
Plus, he deserted the family. He has nerve to come back to ask for money! Did he even explain why he wanted the money? Anyway, it’s up to your dad what he chooses to do with his money.
I think your dad is entitled to do as he is doing, which is counting his blessings with the beautiful daughter that he has. You are a blessing to him!
I thought of possible financial problems. But I don’t think so. Over the years My parents hired someone to check on him. He’s never had problems and I know that they checked about four months ago.
He simply wants to cash in if he can.
Your brother did show a lack of respect for your dad by not going to the cemetery. The location of the cemetery should not have made any difference to him. Your parents have the right to choose their final resting place.
You are a lovely woman who isn’t blind to your brother’s shortcomings and are naturally disappointed but you don’t have vengeance in your heart.
I admire your attitude immensely. I wish that we had more people in this world like you.
Your father’s heart was crushed by your brother. I am so happy that he has you as his daughter. You are so caring and loving.
As for what to do after he dies, I would respect his wishes in not telling your brother about his death but I think that your dad loves you so much that he would want you to be at peace and would understand whatever you chose.
Isn’t it interesting how siblings can be raised by the same parents, taught wonderful values by our fathers and can be so different? We have the same situation in my family. My siblings and I are very different!
You and I appreciate and feel blessed to be raised by our fathers. I will always love my dad. He died in 2002.
Your bother has been away from the family for far too long. Your dad missed him. He disappointed your dad horribly. It is sad that your dad lost his son. The way I see it though, your brother missed out on a whole lot more! He threw away his beautiful, loving family with loving parents.
Yes, parents and kids have squabbles. He got mad and left. For whatever reason he wasn’t able to reconcile.
Did his pride keep him away? Was he embarrassed about his former behavior? Is he selfish? I don’t know his entire story but I just hate that your dad is hurting.
The only thing I can think of is that your brother may be in dire financial trouble. What else could make him act the way he did? Your brother was quite transparent in his actions. Your dad is smart and knows what angle your brother is coming from.
I am not making any excuses for him and honestly it is none of my business. I am just responding to your posting.
Take care.
You’re correct that some people are not comfortable visiting cemeteries. Intense emotions are attached to how they feel about visiting a cemetery.
Some care deeply for family members who have died but find cemeteries creepy so they don’t go. Others find comfort in having a place to visit and remember their loved ones.
I used to be afraid of cemeteries when I was young. Everyone here visits cemeteries often, We have unique cemeteries. We even have tours for visitors.
I grew to totally appreciate them as sacred resting places for our deceased. They are also a place for us to go and reflect on their lives.
We have beautiful cemeteries here in New Orleans. We honor the lives of those who have died.
You are an awesome daughter for hosting him and his daughter for your dads sake.
Now you all know and that is the good thing that has had. Like polar bear said, it is important for any parent to know and not wonder.
Job well done!
I think the visit settled my Dad’s mind on my brother. It was closure for him. I wish things had turned out differently, but it didn’t. My dad wanted to visit the cemetery where Mom is buried. My brother said no - he didn’t like where the cemetery was. It’s a family cemetery out in the country. He could have put forth that little bit of effort for Dad. My Dad told me not to bother notifying my brother when he passed. I hope Dad changes his mind about that. But not my call to make.
Family disappointment. Way too many of these situations.
I’m so sorry that your brother behaved this way. It’s very, very sad.
He built up your dad’s hopes only to disappoint him. Your dad doesn’t deserve that. None of you do.
I don’t blame you for being upset and I would not host another family gathering for him either. He blew it! You were gracious and he wasn’t appreciative at all.
I guess the only good thing is that your dad did get to see him. Sorry that your niece wasn’t more friendly. Your brother is setting a terrible example for her.
It makes us all wonder why these things happen. Trust me, all families have their issues with certain family members. Sadly, you aren’t alone.
Again, I am sorry.
But very sad that brother shows up to see if there's money for him. I hope your dad can take comfort in knowing he has a good caring daughter.
My brother looked good. His daughter is pretty. She seemed very bored visiting our tiny town. My brother made several snarky remarks which I let slide. My husband was very quiet (his normal demeanor when angry). My sons stopped by and after hearing a couple of his snarky remarks politely left.
My dad early on appeared very happy. We left for our usual after dinner walk. I thought it would give them a chance to talk privately. They were here for about 3 hours. After they left my Dad was quiet. He finally said he thought my brother had changed very little. He said his daughter was not very pleasant. He said my brother was trying to find out about his and my mother’s estate. My dad seemed sad when he went to his room. I feel so bad for him.
I guess what everyone says about the relatives always appearing if they think money’s involved is true. So sad.
I have no desire to host a return visit. But if my Dad wanted the visit, I would go along with him.