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Given all of R's recent troubles I think perhaps someone is sending him a message to take life a little easier now. It's good you have each other for support.
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Thanks all. We so appreciate your thoughts and prayers and hugs,

R is still in hospital as he gets dizzy and worse headaches when he gets up. He needs the walker to be mobile. He is still on heavy painkillers for the headaches but refused more morphine. Yesterday they did some PT with him walking with the walker. Hopefully they will keep that up so he builds up strength as his head heals. You waste away lying in a hospital bed.

He is losing weight not that he needs to) as they are not feeding him enough!!! I told the nurse he needs more food so she will arrange to up his portions and see he has a sandwich at night. He doesn't like to complain! I got him oj and a snack last night from the machines and I'll bring in some healthy (and a few not so healthy 😋) snacks - yop, yogurt, nuts, fruit and cookies. etc. today,

He is weak and I expect he will be there a few days yet. We can't have a fall!!! I doubt he will be able to drive for a while between his vision and the dizziness/headaches.

The good news is he was thoroughly checked out (4 hospitals) and all else is good - even his blond sugar, which has been in the prediabetic range for years, is now normal. He has been motivated to cut back on sweet stuff and I am here to cook proper meals now so he is doing well there. Diabetes 2 runs in the males in his family so we want to do what we can to avoid it if possible.

He has perked up the last few days and did a drawing of a butterfly from a get well card and wants more paper so he can draw more and also to make notes re insurance. I brought in a couple of books and his glasses as he is going to try to read, He has white flashes in one eye, but his retina is ok. They will look at it next month if the flashes have not gone. The vision in the other eye (black and with a stitched cut over it) is blurred but improving thankfully.

He tires easily. An hour visit is a bit too much, I think. He needs a lot of naps, I'm holding up. I have to be careful not to set off a CFS/FM flare up. One day at a time. We are so thankful it wasn't worse.

glad - lots of fires and smoke. It's a pain I know.
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Golden, so sorry to read about R. Hope he heals soon.

Sure looks like you have lots of fires and smoke there, again. I have lost my view of Pikes Peak because of smoke from Canada fires here.
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Golden,
So sorry.
Hoping R will be OK and recovers.
Thinking of you.
Let us know how you are both doing.
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Hugs to you, Golden! I hope he’s out of pain and makes a complete recovery.
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Golden, I am so sorry! How awful. The amount of misery drug/drink-impaired drivers cause is staggering.

Thinking of both of you in this horrible crisis.
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Golden: Prayers for R AND you.
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Golden,

So sorry for this scary and painful accident.

I'm sure you will be glad to have R home again.

Will be thinking of both of you and hoping for no lasting effects.
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Golden! So sorry to hear of this!

I'm glad R is well enough to come home.

Prayers for R and of course you.
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Oh Golden! Praise The Lord that R is still with you. I will believe with you that he will have no lasting affects from that crash.

May The Lord give you both strength and comfort during this difficult time.
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Didn't know where to put this, but this is sure on my mind.

R was in an automobile accident. He (in a Ford Explorer) was rear-ended by a car driven by a girl on some drugs, Both vehicles were totalled. He has head injuries - severe concussion, some eye and teeth problems and a very sore head, neck and chest. The young driver had a broken leg and the other two girls were not injured.

He has been in hospital since Monday 15th and is coming home tomorrow. We are so thankful it wasn't worse.

You never know when your life is going to be stirred up do you?
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I do understand that words have power and I would never tell someone their home was a cell. We were having a discussion about another older woman who was forced to give up her home and move into The Villa and I said something about giving up your things and cramming them into a cell. My thoughts were the same as Way's
"Some AL are very nice , but no matter how nice , moving in AL often is a reminder of someone’s age and decline"
I do know that these places exist for a good reason and many people live satisfying lives there but I'm so tired of the narrative that this is a "good thing" (as Martha Stewart used to say). It may be a necessary thing but if it was such a good thing there'd be a whole lot more of us living in communes.
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Way - some homes just can't be renovated practically to make them more accessible. I wish new home builders and our building codes would pay more heed to practical universal design considerations.
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Beatty - I think the word cell definitely applies to my local retirement home, (although it felt like you were entering a luxury area when crossing over from the even more depressing nursing home). There are some newer very swanky assisted living places in nearby larger communities, but who can afford $5K or more per month?
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Anxiety ,

adding on would be very expensive . I thought about we could put a full bathroom and closets where the dining room is although it would be weird since it’s by the front door . And my husbands office could be a bedroom ( no closets ) , would have to put double doors to close up the office . The problem with that is if we had to sell , no one would want to buy the house with a bathroom where the dining room should be . A stair lift would be cheaper and more easily removed to sell the house . The half bath is not able to be expanded , because of its location in a small hallway leading to the garage between the laundry room , and kitchen .
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Beatty ,

We’ve been on the downsize search as well. I posted earlier about the difficulties in finding anything with a master bed and bath downstairs that either is not a total gut inside or if we find one in good shape the price per square foot is ridiculous due to high demand with many boomers by me selling houses to younger families . ( I’m one year younger than the boomers, not that it matters ). However , by me real estate is still hot . DH and I can’t justify spending that much per square foot , the 55 and overs have gone up over $50,000 in the last 6 months . We have decided to suspend our search for now . My house is not huge . If we have to stay we will reno the bathroom and get a stairlift someday . Although I really wanted no stairs . And will hire snow removal at some point . The big yard is annoying though . I already pay to have it mowed , since DH’s accident . But I do the rest . When DH retires we can expand our search area without having a work commute to be a concern .
I would love to sell my house to a nice young family , if I could find something . Downsizing should cost less not more . The math just doesn’t support a move right now . We are trying to keep money in savings for our future care needs .
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Cwillie, I just had to comment on your word 'cell'. I've been on the downsize search a while now & those modern apartments (you call condos?) the word 'cell' fits! (Cell: a small basic unit).

The modern ones are white or beige, bland, featureless inside with some arrangement of beige or grey outside. A 'wheige' box inside a larger 'greige' box.

In contrast, my Aunt's AL room had plush carpet, natural wooden look furniture & bright but tasteful upholstery.

I know that's just *stuff*.. & it goes against my earlier comments about adjusting to AL by choosing to be happy wherever you are. Call me fickle today 😂
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Glad, good to see you on here!
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Regarding Assistant Living or Memory Care. My Dad referred to his room at Memory Care his "college dorm room". And it looked that way with all his books :)


Dad never was materialistic, so he never missed his house and the things he had in the house. He knew because of his advanced age that he could no longer use his workshop, nor putter around in the yard which he enjoyed.


But then again, he grew up in a farm house that had no inside plumbing nor electricity, so I think he was appreciative of things he did have at Memory Care.
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Unfortunately ,
Preconcieved ideas prevent some people from trying to make the best of the years they have left while in AL .
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cwillie,

Some AL are very nice , but no matter how nice , moving in AL often is a reminder of someone’s age and decline . Change is hard .
Some choose to go in AL on their own and love it . But many would rather stay in their homes.

I have not had any relative willing or happy to leave their home when they needed placement.

My parents and FIL are deceased . We are now trying to get MIL to go to AL . It won’t happen easily . Thank God it’s the last one .
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Exactly Way! I'm tired of all the apologists who try to spin living in these places as something wonderful, there are many good reasons to move into one but I believe that's just about making lemonade with all the sour fruit life (and aging) has handed you.
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Yes , they are giving up space , belongings , privacy , independence etc and spending tons of money to do it unfortunately .

Not all AL’s are that luxurious . But even a small plain private room beats SNF shared room .
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Oh I totally understand she was offended by the word "cell" because her father lives there and she no doubt felt an implied criticism (she should know me better than that). But the discussion was about downsizing and I at least was thinking of the soul sucking reality of what you are giving up when moving to these places. I know that some of them are like luxury resorts, but many others are one small level above the depressing long term care rooms you described Hothouse. Plus although these places are "not a prison" the sad reality is that many residents rarely if ever go out, and judging by the number of people I saw when I used to walk my mom through there (from the adjoining nursing home) most are not leaving their rooms.
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cwillie, At the NH where my father is the space is spartan for want of a better word. It certainly is not the lap of luxury. He shares with another resident and there is a curtain between the two. He has a bed, a tv, an armoir and a small dresser. Not the greatest arrangement. I guess it is minimalist because this is because it is a Medicaid facility.

But his room is kept clean and he is getting decent care. I would not call it a cell only because of the negative connotation. I guess people can get offended by that word.
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I had an argument with a friend last night because I called the rooms at our local retirement home (that's assisted living level of care) "cells". I've been brooding on this all day and I can't see how living in a room furnished with a bed (twin sized) and side table with a small area for a couple of chairs, a dresser, a TV and perhaps one or two other small furnishings can be called anything else, it's certainly not an apartment.
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I'm horrified at the cost of college. My 17 y/o grandson will be a h.s. senior this year and I'm astounded at how much this is going to cost. We have modest college accounts for all four grandkids but it is a drop in the bucket. We are hoping he gets into one of the UCs but the competition is very tough.

We were able to give my daughter a full ride at Northeastern U. without any loans. It wouldn't be possible to do that now.

I wish I could give more but I need to make sure I am not a burden to my family should I live well into my 90s as my parents did.
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Hi Glad
Good to hear from you and to know you landed well. 🤗
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@Geaton,

Penn State is very expensive . Both my kids went there as PA residents . My kids paid off their small loans , but I’m still paying a parent loan . It has gone up since my kids went . We’ve told them that if they were freshman now , they would have had to go to another school.
My second kid going there was a stretch for us . My kids are 7 years apart . The cost went up considerably in between them . It blew my mind how much the out of state students were paying .

My daughter in law is an orphan, she has huge loans from 2 masters degrees . My son pays the whole mortgage so she can pay her loans .
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Since the subject of real estate has come up I wonder if anyone has a pulse on the Los Angeles area. My son and daughter in law are renting there. I hear of so many leaving CA but it doesn't seem to be reflective with home prices.

Welcome back Glad. Happy you were able to finally sell.
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