I have resentment toward my siblings for not helping out and when my mom dies I have no intention of keeping in touch with them.

Book, no sense in being fearful of cancer. I guess my way of thinking is that death will happen one way or another whether its an illness or through no fault of our own -- being at the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm so sorry for your niece. No one deserves that at her age. Truthfully, breast cancer does not run in my family. My mom had a hysterectomy years ago and she was on hormone replacement for 10 years! She kept saying to her doc because she heard on the news that it was not good to be on hormones, etc. but they insisted she was fine. Then, low and behold, she finds a lump! Thank goodness she found it early! To me, there's no sense in being fearful of disease. I worked in a hospital and bottom line, disease does not discriminate. Just be conscience of your body and any changes, be sure to check yourself and you will be fine.

Mom is actually doing well! She's a trooper! I'm doing well, also! I needed that break and now I'm ready. All we can do is take it one step at a time.

Book, hope you're feeling better today. Have you asked your doctor for Lorazapam? My doctor put me on it and it really does help. It doesn't make me feel weird or high, it just makes me calmer and able to handle things better. Where do you live that there is this thyroid cancer? I have a bad thyroid and can't seem to get it under control. They just keep upping the strength of my meds. I live in Pennsylvania USA.

Sallie, I'm feeling much better now. When dad had his stroke last year and became bedridden, I told fam straight out that I was not quitting my full time job. When it was just only mom bedridden and dealing with dad's mouth, my job was my escape from home life. My sanity. So, when I was off yesterday, it just stressed me and tired me out. I'm doing fine now. He's been talking and talking since I came home at 6pm, but since I didn't hear it allllll day, it doesn't bother me. I can handle his mouth for a couple of hours before he knocks out at 11pm.

Sallie, I'm not sure if the ones here are thyroid cancer. I have 2 friends (one going through menopause and one as young as 25) who had problem with their thyroid. I think their thyroid is either too high or too low. I think whatever meds they were taking weren't helping because they both had to have surgery on it. Both of them flew to the Philippines to have it done. Insurance covers 100% if you go to Philippines....
(My hysterectomy would have been 100% covered if I went to PI. But my gynecologist told me that if I can give him the name of a very good gyne-oncologist, he will refer me. I didn't have any. So, he sent me to hawaii. I didn't have cancer. But I did have a $10,000 expense which includes the airfare, hotel and hospital bills. Don't get me going on how the insurance refused to cover the pre-surgery and after-surgery check-ups! Hello?! Duh?!!!....I lost, they won. I had to pay for these check-ups.)
...back to my 2 friends...when i found out about their thyroid, I went online to research it. I told one friend that having an operation is not a 100% cure. That it can come back.

Sallie, I recommend getting the the lab results and Googling on it. Or Google other people's experiences of bad thyroid. I did this with my Complex Ovarian cysts, on the Depo Shot, on Severe Endometriosis. I had first surgery, and then 10 months later, the cysts were back - and it grew big too fast. So, I researched for hours on all of it. When doc finally told me hysterectomy is recommended cuz we tried everything to Avoid this but it didn't work. I agreed right away - because I was already informed. Although, it really irritates me when gyne and oncologist surgeon told me that now with hysterectomy, my endometriosis is gone. LIE! I have done enough research to know this is not true.

What I'm trying to say, is Research, Research, Research!! I even went on sites that were into herbal. Not for the herbal medicine but I noticed that people into healthy living are into herbals. I would find these sites because the blogger would tell some of the things they DO to help with their problem. I found some Very useful advice on that - what to eat, not eat, what food and herbals would make my endo grow, etc...Is your thryoid too high or too low (overworking or underworking?)

Bookworm, very wise to keep your job - it is your connection to "normal" life. I suffered for years from endometriosis and finally had a total hysterectomy - The surgeon told me I was wise to have ovaries removed. Only wish I hadn't waited so long. Take care of yourself.

Siblings.....oh, boy.
I am here with Mom. She is in a NH right now and we are planning on some form of Assisted Living next.
One brother has been great, we, I think, are getting along better and are closer and more friendly than ever before. Why? He is nearby and actually visits and is responsible.
Another brother, the Medical POA, is far, far away and really doesn't want to make decisions. He was Moms choice, she has never talked about her choice with me.......

Yet another brother, who lives in Europe, made it clear he doesn't want to hear directly from me ("I am being kept informed")., so, I don't keep him informed. He was here last week to visit Mom, was here for 3 days (after 2 years working overseas), and literally, did not speak to me even tho he was sleeping in the same house.
I think most of this is a continuation of our positions/expectations of our parents and our childhood relationships with each other. The brother who doesn't want to hear from me was a bully when we were kids (he was a bully to anyone who was smaller than he was).
And, Mom is still trying to get us to all get along, one big happy family. We were NEVER one big happy family. We never wanted to hang out with each other. We are simply people who grew up in the same house and have the same parents, everything else is completely separate.
Yes, I wish we were a happy family. I really wish that was possible. I know of a couple of families that are like that and I wish it could be me. But it isn't. I can't change other adults, I can't make them do what I need or want. Did you notice that I spent the most time talking about the absent brother? Hhhmmmm......... I will have to think about that.

Power of Attorney.
I don't want that.
I did everything for my grandmother almost 30 years ago. I don't ever want to have to do that again.
I was expecting to have the Medical POA for my Mom since I am here with her, but she appointed my Eldest Brother.........
At first I didn't understand and was a bit hurt, but, after thinking about it for a day, I realized that she had valid reasons to ask him to do it. Mom saw how hard it was for me to handle all of my grandmothers things (with literally no help from any other family members), thought she was making the best decision (he has some medical background) and I have some personal medical issues that would make it hard for me to always handle this(like my emotional meltdown this week, with crying and panic attacks and mess, emotional emails.....
.I really, really don't want to make the decisions to stop treatments or put in a DNR. Partly because I just plain don't want to do that again, and partly because I have some siblings who may use those decisions to hurt me. However, it would have been nice if Mom had told me her decision before she got real sick........
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Mom wants to give me some money to cover the bills while she is in the hospital/NH. I said no. I have a little money and I can cover the bills myself. I do not want anyone think I am taking money from my poor, sick, elderly mother. It is sad that I have to be so cautious, but I have reason to distrust some family members.
...I have been thru the financial/legal ringer when my husband died, and I do not want to ever do that again. So, while having the POA's would be helpful since I am the one here, I am very glad I do not have to make those medical decisions. I am very glad I do not have to make those financial decisions. I am very glad I will not have to handle the estate.
Oh, interesting tidbit (I shall now rag on my absent brother). He used to send Mom money each month to help with the bills. Now that Mom is between hospital and NH, he stopped sending money. But Moms bills are the same as before, the only change is her grocery bill, which I was already covering myself. I suspect he stopped sending money because he doesn't want me to get any of it. Sweet guy, huh.

Mary, bills that are obviously your mom's, please scan it and forward to your other brother to email to Eldest. Say that this is mom's bills. If you want, you can also scan what is obviously YOUR bills so that he can see. Bills that are not so obvious, you will need to decide do I split the expense, forward copy to Eldest (via other bro) and say this is Split Expense. Ask for feedback. If Eldest rejects - you will need to take steps on what you will decide on. Is mom's bill an ongoing expense that is directly related only to her? If yes, then you may need to bring brother's attention that it is NOT your bill but you are willing to share the expense.

For bills that are iffy, is that services needed? Can you cancel and explain your mom's new situation and their services are no longer required? Or if it's services must still be maintained, then you're stuck with the bill.

It's called: "slimming down to the bare essentials." For now, until you get back on your feet and have extra $$, then best to cut the TV cable cost, etc.... My sis also cut back on those fancy coffees (starbucks) and now buys her ice coffee at MacD for $2.85. I'm just mentioning these costs cut back just in case your other siblings won't help you financially which you will still need to pay out of your own pocket...

Bookworm,
Thank you for your suggestions. I had not really gotten to that point in my thought process yet - I was busy preparing myself for her death (which was imminent two months ago, until, last week when Mom decided not to die). The communicating family members were all in agreement about selling the house, what to do with Moms "stuff" (the sofa, the dishes), all of that was under control. Final plans are all made and paid for.

.Then, Mom decided to live. Now, she may die tonight, she may live for months or years.
I am paying the utilities since I am living here. Glad to do so, of course.
Mom is still paying for her LifeAlert, car tags and such. When house insurance and taxes come up she will also pay for that since the house is in her name only and she has the money. If she did not have the money I would ask all of the siblings to contribute, and they probably would (much rather send a check than do the day to day stuff). A couple of the siblings have been quite successful so helping on utilities and such would be a very small burden for them.
I have some experience keeping track of money (used to be a bookkeeper, believe it or not) and took care of my grandmother and her estate, so I am comfortable separating out mine vs. hers. I am keeping all receipts and statements. My concern is the unfriendlies (brothers) who can cause me trouble or make everyone run away.
We know that troublemakers can't do too much, but they can cause you to spend money on lawyers and accountants, much stress and heartache, and family discord.
There are a couple of bills I would definately cut out if it was up to me, but I am going back home soon (been gone from my family and grandkids for over 2 years) so will deal with those bills just before I leave. Yes, the cable will be cut off when I leave but we will make sure the lawn gets cut each week. Haven't decided about keeping the utilities on or not.
I have been mostly freaking out this week, and so grateful to have found this site and getting all the good advice, because the NH wanted to send Mom home with me caring for her 24/7. Mom wants to come home, I would too. But, I am in my 50's, have some medical issues which limit me, and frankly, I just plain want to go home.
Again, thank you so much for your ideas and your thoughtfulness - imagine, a perfect stranger reaching out to me to help!

Mary, I found out from this site the importance of keeping receipts. I haven't been doing this. I've been looking for a flat bed scanner for my laptop so that I can scan and save it on a CD and a flashdrive. Most of the receipts that I have are the ones that fades. I tried taping it with clear tape thinking it would make it last longer - it wiped out the lettering! So, scanner it will be...your comments just reminded me that I need to find a scanner. Will check tomorrow..thanks, too!!

I'm POA tor everything for my mother. I'm also joint executrix of her will. One sis has been taken out of the will, long story short she stole thousands from mom and dad while dad was on his death bed. I was falsely accused of taking the money till it was later discovered it was her. The only "help" I receive is from one out of 5 siblings and believe me it's not much. I have finally decided to just pretend I'm an only child.

Hey Sallie, whatever you do, due to your family history (didn't help that your other siblings believe the lies!), I hope you also have your receipts. Hate to find later on down the line, that they again accuse you of abusing her money. I don't Think this will happen to me but I've learned from this site that sometimes our siblings can change so fast that it's like a stab in the back. So, Watch Your Back and keep a trail of Receipts to protect you! Better late than never.

Sorry, when you come online,it's my time to get off cuz of pamper changing/trache cleaning duites. It's about 925pm here. Gotta go!

Oh, to respond to your last comment, when I first read your history with siblings, I was very surprised that you were able to give all your siblings except one. I would have felt hurt and betrayed. I would not be able to forgive them.

May I tell you a true story? I had worshiped my oldest bro (lives next door). When he got married, I hated his wife because she took him away. But despite that, I treated her respectfully because we were taught very young to respect those older than us. (So, you really, really do not want to be the youngest! Cuz everyone older than you can order you around and you must obey.)

Anyway, big bro is greedy - it's a given among us. We all know this. He came up with this scheme to build an apartment on our land and we all split the cost of the mortgage but we couldn't live in the apartment. Hello?! I only made $8-some an hour and I was to pay mortgage in a place that I won't be living in? I don't think so!

He had put pressure to everyone until dad, myself, oldest sis and younger sis resisted. He worked on dad - who cave in and started pressuring me. Finally just oldest sis and I were left. Sis gave in then I did. But, we didn't go down without fighting! When the real estate agent sent us papers to sign it, I called up the agent and tearfully told him that my oldest brother pressured me to sign it. That he pressured my other 2 sisters, too. I told him that I just wanted to let him know that I did not willing sign it but out of coercion. What I didn't know was that my oldest sister did the same and called the agent!

Sigh...my oldest brother, in anger, my favorite brother who could do no wrong - hurt me so bad. He cornered me in the room, ordered everyone out, and then blasted me. I was about age 20, very introverted (very shy, quiet, walk looking down so that I don't look at people's eyes and have conversation. I was so nervous talking to people, I stuttered.) He went on and on and just tore what fragile self esteem I had to teeny tiny shreds.

I still remember those words: "You are Nothing! And You Will Always be Nothing!" He had blocked the door so that I couldn't leave - for one hour he just tore me to shreds. We grew up in a very dysfunctional family. Crying was not permitted. Crying results with being punished. One had to have a very good reason to cry. So, as bro tore me apart, I was breaking inside. Once he was done, I walked out, went to my dad's house (our house) and cried and cried in my room. This was the day my love for my favorite brother died.

He can talk to me today about his health, and ...it's so strange NOT to feel anything! He has truly broke my heart to pieces and it can never be repaired by him. He can pay our power bill but...whatever love I had for him, he destroyed it.

So, Sallie, I understand about how you feel about your siblings. Do what you need to do. But Watch Your Back!!!!

Sallie, yes, I have decided to just pretend I am an only child too. It's sad that it has to come to this but, what choice do we have. I learned from book to basically take them out of the equation. If you expect nothing you won't feel so angry. Sometimes I feel you get more help from strangers than those who are supposed to know you best! Go figure! This site has given me some great advice. BTW, I just purchased a scanner from Walmart. The VuPoint Magic Wand Hand Scanner w/ Bonus 8GB MicroSD Card Value Bundle‏. Fairly inexpensive but, I'm sure it will work.

"Pretend only child" here too joining you! Hey, whats the book, any good?

LH, I was checking online with Walmart just the other day! Here, the scanner is about $80.00. I saw some cheaper ones on the Walmart online. The one you purchase will work on a laptop? I will go check it again. I thought I needed a flatbed (flatboard) scanner for the receipts.

I finally got the book 36-hours by mail. Haven't started on it yet.

Reverse, LH had mentioned the book a few pages back. I'm still hesitating on purchasing it. I figured when LH is done reading it and still recommends it, I will give it a try. ;)

Not sure if this falls under siblings, but I just got back from the NH.
I have been very clear, in telephone calls, emails and face to face, to the siblings that I cannot provide the care Mom will need. I have been here, away from my family, for 2 years. I have been very clear that I am burned out and am going home........
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A week ago the NH said they wanted to send Mom home and I freaked.
Mom had told them I would take care of her.
Noone asked me, talked to me, informed me until the Social worker came into the room to say Mom was being released.
I sent emails to the siblings reminding them that I was not able to care for Mom and that I was going home soon. Only one response, which was "what are you going to do?"
Yesterday I calmed down enough to I talk with the Director of Nursing and the social workers, said I could not care for my Mom at home - my medical issues, I cannot lift her, etc - I did not anyone that I am burned out and want to leave town, I felt that information would be too dangerous in their hands. .......... Social worker apologized for putting me in this spot (I had told her weeks ago that Mom needed to be independent before she went home. social worker didn't remember that conversation!) said she would talk to Mom, tell her she needed to go to Assisted Living, and would help me out since she forgot about the Independent Living conversation.
She talked with Mom yesterday.........
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Well, Social worker forgot to talk with the folks in nursing and rehab.....
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So, today, Saturday and the offices are closed for the weekend, Mom is talking with rehab, and rehab is saying "no reason you can't go home". In fact, the folks in rehab, rather than thinking " hhhmmmm, the social worker has changed the plans, maybe I better find out why before I open my big fat mouth", told Mom all about the ins and outs of the system, told her that going to the local Assisted Living was wrong for her, and a few other lovely things, that the social worker was doing this for money, etc.........................
Noone ever asked me if I could care for her.
Noone ever asked me if I wanted to care for her.
No home inspection has been done to see if Mom can even get into the bathroom or the bathtub (it is an old house in a very small retirement town and everyone in town knows these little retirement houses so checking the home for doorways and such is common sense).
Mom is now mad at the social worker, thinks the woman trying to squeeze money out of social security/insurance......
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What a clusterf#^%ck........

I went to the rehab office today. Told them I could not take care of Mom the way she needs - they acknowledged hearing Mom saying that "her daughter is a bit limited", but didn't seem real bothered that noone had actually spoken to me to find out what those limits are.,,.......

And all because we can't talk. All because I can't talk. All because I am afraid of speaking my mind because of reprisals. All because I am afraid my mother will kick me out of her house before I get a new place of my own back home. All because I am afraid of the mean things that can be said. All because I am used to being the one who doesn't count, I am just a girl.

Now, Mom wants me to bring her home and care for her, and doesn't want to talk with my brother, her Medical POA. And the siblings, just aren't too into the whole "taking care of Mom and making decisions"....

I am standing my ground, I will not commit to this level of caregiver. I am still going home (burned out, miss my family terribly, miss my hometown), but now, it is really, really messy and I feel like such a loser. I would prefer this be done based on actual needs, which are real, valid roadblocks, rather than telling my mother that I don't like her, don't want to be here, and want to go home.
I wish we were a normal family. I wish I could speak truthfully to my mother. I wish my siblings would step up, or at least, make a phone call to Mom defending me and reminding her of my physical limitations.
On top of this, my daughter is pregnant, is a high risk pregnancy, has already had to quit work because of the pregnancy (at 4 months pregnant), on bedrest, and has noone else to help care for my other grandchildren. I worry about her, I worry about my grandchildren, and I know I can be helpful, and happy, back home (a few states away from Moms). Mom knows all of this, but still want me to care for her here. Siblings know off of this, but don't really want to get involved.
.
I just don't want to have to say to my mother, "No, I will not care for you anymore."

Mary, once your mom goes home, YOU will be obligated to care for her. Once she gets home, YOU will find it VERY DIFFICULT to send her to AL or whatever independent living is provided for her. You need to stand your ground.

Please go to Lisa's thread:
"Two years this July My Mother Moved in with Me..."

Read it quick and fast! Take NOTES OF ALL pertinent information. You will see that the Social worker Doesn't Care and will do their best to force YOU the family to care for the parent. READ IT QUICK AND FAST!!! Time is running out for you...

Unless you want to be stuck with mom for years and years. And your siblings won't give a d*** cuz it's Not Their Problem!!!!

Mary, I had some time to think of your situation. You are torn between 2 things: The family you have left behind and miss very much. And your love/obligation to care for your mother. If you choose your mother, you will always regret missing your immediate family (children/grands). Caring for your mother can last over 23 years. I was age 23 when I stepped up to help dad. I didn NOT know that Alz can take years! I'm now 46, never married, stopped what I love doing most (traveling) - I basically put my life on hold. Just when we all thought mom is on the last stages of Alz, my dad had a stroke and is now bedridden & becoming old-age senile! It truly hit me this past June what I'm stuck with - with no help from siblings (physically so that I can get weekends off or travel). When I posted my answer above, it was my reaction based on what I'm going through. RUN! Don't let them get their hooks on you cuz once they do - you're stuck.

What is in your heart? Go home? Your conscience should be clear because you took 2 (?) years out of your life to care for mom full time. You will really need to have a heart-to-heart talk with mom. Explain to her how YOU miss your kids/grands (? can't remember if you had grands) and want to be with them.

Would it be possible to do a compromise? Ask mom if she's willing to move to an NH where you live? This way you and your family can go visit mom or take her out on the weekends? If she doesn't want to move, are you able to be firm with her that either way, you will be going back home?

Because this is NOT a time to keep your mouth shut and "go with the flow." If you do, you will be your mother's caregiver officially. This is the time to grow a backbone, bring up whatever self-respect you have hidden inside you - and Stand Up to the pressures and Firmly state that you are going home. Don't make it sound wishy-washy or as if there's a question mark in the end. Be Firm...

I am to call the head of rehab tomorrow(well, today) and explain that Mom must be Independent to come home. From my conversation with the person in rehab yesterday I do not think that Mom would be considered Independent.
I have not told them at the NH I plan to leave because I do not trust them to keep their big fat mouths shut.
So, hypothetical question: I have told the NH that Mom needs to be Independent before she comes home. Let;s say they send her home and she is not Independent. For example, she can not toilet herself, she has incontinence and cannot clean herself. I cannot leave? What if she has some in-home care, but not 24/7 care at that point? Personally, I do not think she should come back here without someone here 24/7, but frankly, I have no authority, just my position as the "potential caregiver".
Oh, interesting tidbit: I mentioned to Mom "what if you fall? I cannot pick you up" She said that is what her LifeAlert is for, they will send an ambulance. The rehab people said the same thing. Ambulances are expensive and a precious commodity, why would anyone want to use the ambulance service that way when other, more realistic options are available?
I am still shocked and angry that anyone would send an 83 year old person home with a caregiver they never met. a caregiver they never screened. What if I was sick myself and barely able to bathe and dress myself?
If I will get roped in by Mom coming home but not Independent, I will pack up my things and leave the house rather than risk becoming legally responsible as a caretaker. They should not be able to send her home if the caretaker says no, but from the postings I have read, this level of caretaking doesn't always play by the rules - hospitals and nursing homes will do just about anything to get rid of a patient that is filling up a bed.

I forgot to say thank you.
So many of you have been so kind and helpful and encouraging.
You have helped me see that being at my breaking point does not mean that I am crazy, it simply means that my ability to do this job is over.
So, thank you.

Book, as to the book "They're your Parents too", I did start reading it. At times I had to put it down as it made me angry because it all made sense to me and the fact that it wasn't making sense to the siblings only made me more angry. I finally loaned it to my SIL in the hopes that a light bulb would go off and they would realize the error in their ways only for her to say that "it's to harsh". Too harsh??? Siblings taking turns, working together to care for an ill parent???? Needless to say, I haven't seen the book since and doubt I ever will see it again. I wouldn't be surprised if they used it in their fireplace! LOL

Mary, don't do it! If your mom isn't ready to be independent, I believe you can argue that with the NH. Also, if you can't care for her then, don't! If you take her home, the burden will be on you until the end. Book is right! Know what you are getting yourself into! You have a daughter who is on bedrest. It isn't horrible to be selfish! You are a good person!

Mary, can you do me a favor? LH and I are not expert when it comes to this. Can you repeat your exact comments from "I am to call...to the end" and post it onthe "Caregiver...how are YOU doing".. This is one of the most visited thread of this site. I've noticed that they have more experienced commentors who give good advice. Please do so, and I will keep an eye..interested on their answers!

FYI, most people who visit this site will be sleeping! It may take about 17 hours before people start online here. So, best to post it now, and you should have some answers by tomorrow afternoon. (Well, it's 10pm here.)

LH, I just ordered the book @ Ebay for only $6.84 + free shipping ..on Like New condition. I'm not about to spend $26 on Amazon or BN on a book. Never did and never will...

So how are you all doing?

Paid caregiver came yesterday...my 19yr old niece said that paid caregiver was so bored, she went on a cleaning spree. Heck, our house is so messy. She actually cleaned out our kitchen ...wow, I can actually see more of the floor! She swept the place, cleaned up our dining table and got rid of the boxes all over the floor. (Trash company requires that we tear up the boxes. I usually do that on Sundays.) She even, cleaned our front porch of trash thrown there by visitors (and I never got around to cleaning their mess). She wanted to go out and cut our grass that is growing too close to the house!! But she couldn't find the machete. We - as in the island - do tend to have snake problem. So you always want to keep the grass, vines, etc...away from the house. Anyway, let's see how long she lasts!

Later, have to clean mom's trache...it's now 10:45pm.

I'm so glad you are all here and you understand. I hate to talk to people who have no idea how hard care-taking is. I do scan every receipt I have a scanner/copier. The sister who stole the money was my best friend and she threw me under the bus. She has never told us why she stole the money and even went to a lawyer and had a cease and desist letter sent to me because I was e-mailing her to find out why she did all of this. I had a nervous breakdown and saw a psychologist for a while and am on Zoloft. Family's suck and money is the root of all evil.
I just found out the one sister who shows up about once a month to take mom out to eat is on her third vacation this Summer. She is always telling me she's soooooo busy! Not too busy to go on vacation! I haven't been on vacation since April 2011. And that was for 4 days for my 50th birthday.

Book, not doing so well today. Back to be frustrated! As much as I want to help mom, I feel like she doesn't want to help herself. I had looked into the adult daycare, took time out to go see it with her, she met a friend there, etc. Now, she's supposed to start tomorrow and she's upset because she has to get up early! I realize its difficult but, its only two days a week! I'm so tired of arguing and fighting (not with mom but, just all of it). Why does everything have to be so difficult?!?

Let me know your thoughts on the book. As I said, I had to put it down at times as it was just upsetting me more because in a perfect world, it would be just like it says in the book!

LH, someone else on this site have the same problem with their mom. It's like pulling teeth to get her to the adult daycare (AD). But when daughter comes to pick her up, she's all happy, etc.. The people at the AD said that she had fun, etc..the only thing is that they noticed when very young and noisy children come to visit, her mom tries to avoid them. Well, I would too!!

You know the frustration part - I get it!!! When dad was still walking, it's like a major struggle to get him to his annual checkup (needs to get his high blood pressure prescription refill). We make appts, then I take leave from work, call the taxi (I need to stay home with bedriddn mom), and He Refuses To Go! Sigh...

Same applies with his toothaches! He has several but he just absolutely refuses to go to the dentist. He would rather bear the pain than go to the dentist. He gives all kinds of excuses. He just won't leave the house.

Boy, LH, you're already tired of the arguing and fighting and it hasn't even started yet! You have a looooong road to go. Anyway, you must make sure your mom goes. Because once they stay home all the time, they will Never Want to leave the house. Eventually, this will also apply to any of your brother's future parties!!! So, make sure she goes!!! When she does go, see if you can follow up with the AD people on how she did, or enjoyed herself, etc...I guess it's like what a parent does when they have a child and gets feedback with their teacher...but in reversal. You need to know how your mom is doing at AD so that you can make it enjoyable for her.

I have nothing to complain about today.
I wrote my siblings, told them the current issues, and asked them to step in and help me - get me out of the caregiving thing AND helping me avoid telling my mother than I don't want to help her anymore.
Eldest brother called Mom last night and said that she will look into alternatives to going home with me as caregiver.
Another sibling is hoping to get to town today to have a sitdown with Mom.
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I told them I just don't want to have to tell Mom that I don't want to take care of her anymore.
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So, I am very grateful, and have nothing to whine about today. Today is a good day for me, but sadly, a bad day for my mother.

Mary, this is NOT a site for just complaining! We also like good news. Well, inside me, I would be ENVYING You!... :-} But that's normal. Good for you! I hope your family does pull through. You need to take care of yourself and your immediate family. Keep us updated! And you can always come on and just give us a thought or perhaps you read something that you think we might like to hear about.

As you can see, we have so much stress in our lives, that funnies are very much appreciated. Know what I mean? Please don't feel bad that you cannot contribute your "whine" of the day... 8-)

Mary, glad its working out for you!!! Yes, keep us updated! It would be nice to hear a success story! Good luck!