I am the caregiver for my 88 year old mom who has diabetes, macular degeneration, heart disease - you name it, honey, she's got it. I'm single and I moved back home to care for her and dad before he died. I love my mom, and I do my best for her, but I am so tired of being treated like an only child by my siblings. My brother and sister rarely call or come over. If I plan far enough in advance my sister will take mom to the doctor, but then she acts like she's an authority on mom's health issues while at the doctor, when she really isn't. She also thinks mom can go to the mall and run around afterward, which she's not able to do. My brother is useless - would it break his back to mow the yard? They are both married but they have no children, and my brother is retired so he has time on his hands. I complained about this once and my sister said I had chosen my life, and it wasn't her fault. True enough, but again it's HER mom too. I'm not sure I even know what my question is, I'm just so tired of handling this all alone. I find myself wishing my mom would die, just so I could have my life back. Then I feel awful for thinking such things. It's been nearly 10 years of this, and I am at the end of my rope. I have lost touch with all my friends and haven't had a date in 8 years. I just feel so alone, and I resent my siblings so much that when mom does die, I really have no intention of keeping in touch with them. I'm sorry for rambling, I just needed to vent.
There may be more but these are the ones that I've put on the end table away from him. He has others that he's hiding close to him.
My dad takes in the morning: Neuro-PS, Reconnect, Nattokinase (55mg), B1 (250mg), (or B12 1000mcg)
Lunch: Neuro-PS, Nattokinase, Alpha Lipoic Acid (200mg), Vit D (1000 iu),
Dinner: Neuro-PS
Flexible: Omega 3X w Hempseed Oil, Brewer Yeast
His medical history: High blood pressure, stroke from last year, currently complaining of chest pains (perhaps gas?) and really bad rashes. I believe the rashes are from mixing the herbals. I try to tell him that he's taking too much blood thinners and he insists the herbals are not blood thinners. I have noticed that when he forgets to take Natto, his rashes starts going away. Then when starts taking it again, it flares back - super red, reminds me of the term "angry red.". When you wipe his skin the bad rashes with wet wipes, it's very slippery.
I won't be able to Stop him from using it. But, I'd like to know if the combo is dangerous and what I will need to do to protect myself. He won't listen to his doctor since he knows more than his doc. He knows everything.
Thanks!
To access your Walled Post (from me and others to you privately done) and Activity (most of your comments) - just click on the "PUBLIC PROFILE" (right beside Logout) on the way top right of this site. Later...time to feed mom her breakfast.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/guidelines-for-caregiver-agreement-142749.htm
....I hope this helps!
I appreciate it what you did provide! Thanks...
It's rainy season here. So, yesterday, I took the small scythe and started chopping the vines from the house and pathways near the house. Mosquitos were plentiful and painful. Good thing I decided to check around the house. The weeds outside my bedroom window is now past my thigh. No way I'm going in to pull it. We have snakes and I have no interest in meeting one. But, the vines were crawling on the telephone line and was covering the box attached to the wall. I had to scythe the vines. I will need to make it habit to check every weekend on those vines. They're scary.
Book, do you have a 'weed wacker'? At least you wouldn't have to get so close. I know how you feel about snakes! Be careful! Can you call the phone company to clean around the area of the phone lines?
a full time job, He has a steady girlfriend who, unfortunately I do not get along with very well. I take care of almost all of my dad's needs myself. I am finding myself very bitter and resentful towards my brother. This breaks my heart. He has always been a best friend to me and lately we cannot even discuss the weather it seems like without a huge blow up argument. My biggest complaint is not having time off for myself now and then.
As for your brother, unfortunately, I learned on this site a very hard truth. My dad and I have been caregiving for mom for 23 years. Then last year, my dad had a stroke and is now bedridden. In all these years, it was only me and dad even though I have 7 other sisters/brothers. I thought with now 2 bedridden parents, I would get some physical help. NOPE! I became suicidal this past June and came on this site seeking for help and got it.
This is what I've learned: Our brother has a Right Not to Help our parent. HOWEVER, this is my question to you. The home you're staying at - is it your father's house? A rental? If it's a rental, who is paying for the bill? What is your brother's contribution to the household?
I have more questions, but I get exhausted from caring for both parents and a full time job. It's not even 8pm and I can feel my brain is dragging. So I will stop for now and await for your answer. Sorry! Take care!
Please come back and tell us how you're doing or how it's coming along. Take care!
I'm prepared to do what has to be done for mom. We had such a lovely weekend with our family! Everyone has called us to say what a wonderful time they had! Mom needed to feel the love that her family has for her. She actually wants to do it again.
Book ... I read the caregiver contract site that you sent. I know they would never agree to it. I'm still doing more research. Thanks so much!
My 10 year old niece had bone cancer. She never told her mom that she had a lump on her upper inner thigh for months. When her mom accidentally touched it,niece screamed in pain. Found out she had cancer. Flew off-island for treatment but it was too late. Cut of her leg but it already spread to her lungs, etc.. She had the chemotherapy. She was down to the last one but she was having problem keeping anything down (food and liquid). Her and the mom did not want her to do that final chemo until she regained her strength. But, from what I understand, these chemos are spaced out for a reason. So, postponing was not an option. After that last chemo, she just went downhill. She was throwing up all day before the mom finally called me to come and take them to the ER. By the time they got her to the ER (they live only a few minutes from the hospital), she was so weak..her heart stopped in the ER. They tried for 30 minutes to revive her. She died of dehydration.
So, I hope your mom handles the chemo well. I think it's very important that she gets hydrated. I was reading somewhere that a person taking chemo does not have to suffer the throwing up stage. There's something that can help them from suffering from this. So, if your mom ever gets that throwing up stage and can't stop, please ask her doctor for the medication to help stop or control it.
If you recall, when I first posted to you, I asked how your mom was handling the chemo? That's why I asked. Please, LH, talk to your mom and do whatever paperwork that's needed that gives YOU power over her so that none of your siblings try to take over and forbit all medical information to be released to you.
Medical power of attorney, financial power of attorney, etc...You can always tell mom that you have always stood by her and that you love her and would never do anything that is against her wishes. And LH, if she ever does want to die (because she can no longer handle the chemos, etc...), please respect her wishes.
My poor 10 year old niece died throwing up. She was so miserable from the chemo months before she finally died. Poor, poor niece. After what happened to her, I firmly decided that I will never do chemo and suffer the way my niece did. Poor girl...
I hope your family comes back again. Any possibility that they can come once a month on the weekend? It would help keep your mom's spirit up. Take care...my thoughts will be with both of you. And Update me, okay?!
I'm so sorry about your niece. That's horrible for someone to go through at her young age -- at ANY age! So sad.
I will do my best as far as the rest of the family. It was so good for her!
Sallie, hang in there! Take care of YOU!!! Sending hugs!!!
And Sallie, what I wrote to LH above, that is totally different from your situation. I think you caught yours in time, right? My 10-yr old niece was one of those "grown-up" children. She had to learn from a very young age that if she wants to eat, she would have to fend for herself. Her mom and her grandma (my oldest sis) can sleep all day. So, niece had to find food if she was hungry. I guess she was so used to fending for herself, that it never occurred to her to tell her mom about the very painful lump on her leg. (But in my heart, I think niece figured that they didn't love her enough because she had no hugs, encouragements or fed meals like a real family does.)
I really, really hope that your sister who "helps" really do help and it's not just a few token "help" then stops. With her "busy" schedule (hmmm...6 hrs a day on Mon, Tues & Wed), I'm sure she can do more.
Have you done any brainstorming on how to encourage sis to keep "helping"? Sometimes, people need a little push or incentive to help out with the caregiving. And sometimes that doesn't work, either. So, you take care, Sallie!!! Hugs to you!!!
By the way,LH, you mentioned buying a scanner at Walmart. How is it? Can this scanner also scan like receipts from stores? I'm still trying to find a scanner for my parent's expenses. (I read a lot of horror stories about that here too! I want to make sure I have proof that my dad's money went to their expenses and not to my pocket.)