I am the caregiver for my 88 year old mom who has diabetes, macular degeneration, heart disease - you name it, honey, she's got it. I'm single and I moved back home to care for her and dad before he died. I love my mom, and I do my best for her, but I am so tired of being treated like an only child by my siblings. My brother and sister rarely call or come over. If I plan far enough in advance my sister will take mom to the doctor, but then she acts like she's an authority on mom's health issues while at the doctor, when she really isn't. She also thinks mom can go to the mall and run around afterward, which she's not able to do. My brother is useless - would it break his back to mow the yard? They are both married but they have no children, and my brother is retired so he has time on his hands. I complained about this once and my sister said I had chosen my life, and it wasn't her fault. True enough, but again it's HER mom too. I'm not sure I even know what my question is, I'm just so tired of handling this all alone. I find myself wishing my mom would die, just so I could have my life back. Then I feel awful for thinking such things. It's been nearly 10 years of this, and I am at the end of my rope. I have lost touch with all my friends and haven't had a date in 8 years. I just feel so alone, and I resent my siblings so much that when mom does die, I really have no intention of keeping in touch with them. I'm sorry for rambling, I just needed to vent.
My 10 year old niece had bone cancer. She never told her mom that she had a lump on her upper inner thigh for months. When her mom accidentally touched it,niece screamed in pain. Found out she had cancer. Flew off-island for treatment but it was too late. Cut of her leg but it already spread to her lungs, etc.. She had the chemotherapy. She was down to the last one but she was having problem keeping anything down (food and liquid). Her and the mom did not want her to do that final chemo until she regained her strength. But, from what I understand, these chemos are spaced out for a reason. So, postponing was not an option. After that last chemo, she just went downhill. She was throwing up all day before the mom finally called me to come and take them to the ER. By the time they got her to the ER (they live only a few minutes from the hospital), she was so weak..her heart stopped in the ER. They tried for 30 minutes to revive her. She died of dehydration.
So, I hope your mom handles the chemo well. I think it's very important that she gets hydrated. I was reading somewhere that a person taking chemo does not have to suffer the throwing up stage. There's something that can help them from suffering from this. So, if your mom ever gets that throwing up stage and can't stop, please ask her doctor for the medication to help stop or control it.
If you recall, when I first posted to you, I asked how your mom was handling the chemo? That's why I asked. Please, LH, talk to your mom and do whatever paperwork that's needed that gives YOU power over her so that none of your siblings try to take over and forbit all medical information to be released to you.
Medical power of attorney, financial power of attorney, etc...You can always tell mom that you have always stood by her and that you love her and would never do anything that is against her wishes. And LH, if she ever does want to die (because she can no longer handle the chemos, etc...), please respect her wishes.
My poor 10 year old niece died throwing up. She was so miserable from the chemo months before she finally died. Poor, poor niece. After what happened to her, I firmly decided that I will never do chemo and suffer the way my niece did. Poor girl...
I hope your family comes back again. Any possibility that they can come once a month on the weekend? It would help keep your mom's spirit up. Take care...my thoughts will be with both of you. And Update me, okay?!
I'm prepared to do what has to be done for mom. We had such a lovely weekend with our family! Everyone has called us to say what a wonderful time they had! Mom needed to feel the love that her family has for her. She actually wants to do it again.
Book ... I read the caregiver contract site that you sent. I know they would never agree to it. I'm still doing more research. Thanks so much!
Please come back and tell us how you're doing or how it's coming along. Take care!
As for your brother, unfortunately, I learned on this site a very hard truth. My dad and I have been caregiving for mom for 23 years. Then last year, my dad had a stroke and is now bedridden. In all these years, it was only me and dad even though I have 7 other sisters/brothers. I thought with now 2 bedridden parents, I would get some physical help. NOPE! I became suicidal this past June and came on this site seeking for help and got it.
This is what I've learned: Our brother has a Right Not to Help our parent. HOWEVER, this is my question to you. The home you're staying at - is it your father's house? A rental? If it's a rental, who is paying for the bill? What is your brother's contribution to the household?
I have more questions, but I get exhausted from caring for both parents and a full time job. It's not even 8pm and I can feel my brain is dragging. So I will stop for now and await for your answer. Sorry! Take care!
a full time job, He has a steady girlfriend who, unfortunately I do not get along with very well. I take care of almost all of my dad's needs myself. I am finding myself very bitter and resentful towards my brother. This breaks my heart. He has always been a best friend to me and lately we cannot even discuss the weather it seems like without a huge blow up argument. My biggest complaint is not having time off for myself now and then.
Book, do you have a 'weed wacker'? At least you wouldn't have to get so close. I know how you feel about snakes! Be careful! Can you call the phone company to clean around the area of the phone lines?
It's rainy season here. So, yesterday, I took the small scythe and started chopping the vines from the house and pathways near the house. Mosquitos were plentiful and painful. Good thing I decided to check around the house. The weeds outside my bedroom window is now past my thigh. No way I'm going in to pull it. We have snakes and I have no interest in meeting one. But, the vines were crawling on the telephone line and was covering the box attached to the wall. I had to scythe the vines. I will need to make it habit to check every weekend on those vines. They're scary.
I appreciate it what you did provide! Thanks...
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/guidelines-for-caregiver-agreement-142749.htm
....I hope this helps!
To access your Walled Post (from me and others to you privately done) and Activity (most of your comments) - just click on the "PUBLIC PROFILE" (right beside Logout) on the way top right of this site. Later...time to feed mom her breakfast.
There may be more but these are the ones that I've put on the end table away from him. He has others that he's hiding close to him.
My dad takes in the morning: Neuro-PS, Reconnect, Nattokinase (55mg), B1 (250mg), (or B12 1000mcg)
Lunch: Neuro-PS, Nattokinase, Alpha Lipoic Acid (200mg), Vit D (1000 iu),
Dinner: Neuro-PS
Flexible: Omega 3X w Hempseed Oil, Brewer Yeast
His medical history: High blood pressure, stroke from last year, currently complaining of chest pains (perhaps gas?) and really bad rashes. I believe the rashes are from mixing the herbals. I try to tell him that he's taking too much blood thinners and he insists the herbals are not blood thinners. I have noticed that when he forgets to take Natto, his rashes starts going away. Then when starts taking it again, it flares back - super red, reminds me of the term "angry red.". When you wipe his skin the bad rashes with wet wipes, it's very slippery.
I won't be able to Stop him from using it. But, I'd like to know if the combo is dangerous and what I will need to do to protect myself. He won't listen to his doctor since he knows more than his doc. He knows everything.
Thanks!
You see your box on the top right with your photo/name MY ACCOUNT. Click on EDIT ACCT.
Click on EDIT PROFILE. Go to the box that has ABOUT ME and click to Public Setting:
1. ACTIVITY/FOLLOWING 2. WALL POSTS
Once this is done, you will see my Hug to you with the encouragement to send in your funny joke.
Try it! I think you will like this better. You see on your WALL POSTS all the hugs everyone has given you. When you feel depress, just go to this and re-read it. I do that ALL the Time!!
I came across this book, Cain's Legacy: Liberating Siblings from a Lifetime of Rage, Shame, Secrecy, and Regret. Has anyone read it? It sounds very interesting.
But, I do spend time with my fave sis and her kids and grandkids. It really does help a lot. Except, I hate it when it's time to go home. I can feel the weight coming back on my shoulders just by Thinking it.
LH, I don't know. He mixes so much herbals - I worry. I've learned on this site that if your elders are abusing their meds - as a caregiver - you will be held responsible. Just with what he has - I think he's overdoing it. It's a constant struggle. It doesn't help that Sis will give him whatever he wants. Dad & I had a recent yelling match when he asked for more herbal and I said that he already has a lot he's taking now. Sis just went and got it for him! So, I started yelling because I AM THE MAIN CAREGIVER and He Is Abusing His Herbals!! And I just lost it and said that I Do Not Want to Go To Jail for YOU. And I said for my sister's benefit that WE both would go to prison when they do an autopsy and find all those drugs in his system. I don't even know why sis is scared of him. I'm the one who gets punched since I'm the one changing his pamper. She refuses to help change his pampers. So, I don't see why she jumps when he orders her around. My goodness, He's BEDRIDDEN, he Can't Chase her!!
LH, I just worry so much about this. I would throw his herbal but I wouldn't put it past him to call authorities and say I'm trying to kill him...(he's already accusing it to my face.) Stop...Breathe in, Hold, Breathe out....I was getting dizzy here just recalling that day. Later! And thanks for letting me vent.
Oh, by the way, don't forget to update us when the relatives visit. I sure hope they bring some goodies!
I have family coming to visit mom and me this weekend. I can't wait as it'll be great to be around those who truly care for mom and me. My mom is loved very much in her family (I should say outside of her own children -- besides me, of course) and she deserves to feel that love. She raised her own brothers and sisters (6) plus took care of her sick mom and mother in law. She is a special lady. Unfortunately, most of her family is 6,000 miles away. They are well aware of what is happening and call often.
Book, any chance you can sneak the meds in food? That may help in some way to not make him so combative. I worked in a hospital for a short time and when some combative patients would come down for tests, they would sedate them prior to coming down. Let me know your thoughts.
Also, she started going out with her old friends. Similar to your situation, we had almost no help from our family members. It became an expectation for us to take care of grandpa since everyone else was married.
My suggestion is to connect with your old friends and spend some time on the things you want to do. Caregiving is like running a marathon, we all need to pace ourselves.