I am the caregiver for my 88 year old mom who has diabetes, macular degeneration, heart disease - you name it, honey, she's got it. I'm single and I moved back home to care for her and dad before he died. I love my mom, and I do my best for her, but I am so tired of being treated like an only child by my siblings. My brother and sister rarely call or come over. If I plan far enough in advance my sister will take mom to the doctor, but then she acts like she's an authority on mom's health issues while at the doctor, when she really isn't. She also thinks mom can go to the mall and run around afterward, which she's not able to do. My brother is useless - would it break his back to mow the yard? They are both married but they have no children, and my brother is retired so he has time on his hands. I complained about this once and my sister said I had chosen my life, and it wasn't her fault. True enough, but again it's HER mom too. I'm not sure I even know what my question is, I'm just so tired of handling this all alone. I find myself wishing my mom would die, just so I could have my life back. Then I feel awful for thinking such things. It's been nearly 10 years of this, and I am at the end of my rope. I have lost touch with all my friends and haven't had a date in 8 years. I just feel so alone, and I resent my siblings so much that when mom does die, I really have no intention of keeping in touch with them. I'm sorry for rambling, I just needed to vent.
I spoke to my SIL's fam member who is having the party and told her why mom and I wouldn't be there. She wasn't surprised and was completely disgusted with how they are treating my mom. She has had her issues with them as well. It seems everyone just tolerates them and all are disgusted with them. All agree karma is a B_ _ _ _. Wish us luck today.
Book, hang in there. Great big hugs to all!
I'm fine now. It's a constant up and down...I know what triggered it and there's really nothing that I can do about it. My bedridden dad is now going through the "poopy stage." The stage where they Touch and Spread it all over. I kind of went over the deep-end every time he does it. It's something I'm going to have to learn to handle and not go into "shut down" mode. I need to view this poopy stage as just another "obstacle" on the road that I overcome it by going Over It or Around It. Not just stop and freeze - like I just recently did.
Thanks for asking. I agree! Hugs to all of us Caregivers!!!
Book, have you gotten the book yet? Just curious on your thoughts. How are you doing?
Sallie, how are you? Hope all is well with you!
Hugs and prayers to all us Caregivers!!!
Is there any other way you can help your sister? When you do have spare time to go visit, does sis at least get complete relief from your mom? Every little help counts. How about just writing to her by email? It's lonely to be here at home with the parent. I would email my 3 siblings in the states. Most don't even answer. And one just sends maybe a 2 sentence email. Sometimes, I would just love to just hear what is happening...but whatever you do - Do Not mention any vacations! Whenever one of my siblings (who says she can't give money) mentions Las Vegas or New Mexico, I get so resentful. She says she has no money to give but she has money for the trip, for the hotel, etc...I have another sis who works in the library. I enjoy hearing some of the stories she tells! You know, the scary dude, the irritated parent who got mad cuz sis politely asked her to control her out-of-control children in the library, etc...I'm sure your sister would love to hear something ...as long as it doesn't make her realize she's missing out in life.
I had to smile when you mentioned about your husband not contesting the will. Later! Oh, and welcome to AC!!!
Hey, LH, is it too soon to ask how you're doing? Should I wait until my Monday which would be your Sunday? Confusing. I wanted to wait until Monday to ask how you're doing after the weekend. For me, weekends are so much more tiring than the weekdays.
I didn't notice I was having one of my depression until another member here commented about not hearing from me on the other threads. I like to surf this site on the diferent topics and then comment. Then I stopped and was only commenting here. I even put on my "On my mind: Life Sucks!" I just didn't notice I was going into depression! It is soooo sneaky!
So, since I haven't heard from either one of you, I'm here asking. I've seen Reverse commenting other other threads, so she seems to be doing okay.
Bookworm, glad you liked my post!
When I was suffering with severe endometriosis, (my doc thought it was cancer)- the pain was really bad. You ever have those very, very painful menstruals? Well, endo is much much worse than that. Can't sit or stand or lie down - it just hurts soooo bad, like you're constipated...I described it to my doc" the pain is so bad it feels like there's a bowling ball inside.pressuring down." I finally decided for drastic measures, when the pain was so bad I thought I was going to die from it, cold sweats, shivering badly, and in the restroom torn between throwing up and diarrhea. (Difficult to do both since it's from opposite sides. Solved the problem by throwing up in the trash can at same time doing #2!!) Seems, my endo had progressed to the advance stages of whatever it's called (???). For several days, the pain was so bad I could barely walk too far or sit too long.
I alerted fam of next door of my pain...no help. I have changed my dead-weight mom's pampers all by myself in severe pain. It would get so bad, I would do a little, stop and pant in pain, do a little more, stop and pant, etc...I think I was bent over too long, the pain just flared and I almost fainted (saw the darkness coming and fought against it.)
Family will ONLY step in when you are hospitalized. A word from the experience (that's me! done it Twice -major stomach surgeries) - if you ever need a major surgery, do NOT go back home where your parent is. 1st surgery, I spent 1 month at sis, then came home. You go home, your "helpers" disappear. You're still in pain from the major surgery and now you're stuck doing elderly care. 2nd surgery - I learned from 1st surgery. This time I took 2 months away from home and caregiving. Sometimes, you have to put yourself first.
Well, we care about you. So, please update us. If it comes out worse than we expected, you need to figure out your mom's situation. You will need to concentrate on your health first. I can't remember, if you had ever mentioned children? Do you have kids? Are they adult who can help you, etc???
Gosh, when my doctor mentioned "cancer" , I went into shock. I remembered lying on the exam table, then next thing I know, I'm sitting up, doc is talking (like those silent movies - mouth moving but no sound) and holding both my hands, patting it. After that, he never mentioned that word to me. With all my visits after that initial pronouncement, he would use the word "complication." I bring this up because all my follow-up visits,I wished I had someone with me. To give me courage and words of comfort. So, I asked if you had children (teen or adult) to be with you.
You take care! And please keep us updated. HUGS!!!!
HAHA love it!
Reverse, you did Not say anything bad...it was my vivid image of what you said. Sigh...this is what happens when you read books a lot. I tend to visualize things when I read... ;)
I am crying for you. The tears are rolling down my eyes right now as I am typing
this to you. Because I feel your pain, sorrow, grief, heartaches and your broken
spirit. Never wish death for your mother. Maybe God is not finish with her yet.
And your other siblings will feel the pain of their gross neglect maybe when your
mom closes her eyes and be at peace forever. My comfort as a burnt out
sibling is in the book of Job, the 23rd chapter. It gives me so much peace
and I read it every morning. So I praise God for you without case. Tthere is a extra star
up there shinning for you for your hard work and dedication. It is hard to do
but forgive your siblings. Not for them but for yourself. Peace