Anger. Frustration. Excuses. Feeling like they keep their life and mine gets total overhaul. There are five of us. I live next to my mom I take care of all her needs. When a sibling tells me they are going to help and then don't I feel like something inside of me is going to explode. We are supposed to be taking turns but what happens is they all call me when they aren't going to make it. Which happens weekly or they change the day. Sometimes I feel as though I'm going to have ever lasting stress related issues from this. I have been caring for my mom 7 years. Sinking into a deep place of anger resentment and truly being taken advantage of.
I finally realized that I was only hurting myself with all of the anger and resentment. I gained 20 lbs because of it. I finally got to a place of acceptance that he will NEVER be what I want/expect him to be in this area. That's between him and my parents - it's not my responsibility to make him step up like I think he should. What if you had no siblings? You'd figure out how to do it by yourself, because that's the person that you are.
Be happy that you've stepped up and figure out ways to get some respite - either hire some help or figure out if certain siblings like doing certain things and avoid others, then assign accordingly. You can't make people do what they don't want to do. You can change your reaction when they don't meet their obligations. Don't let your anger do more harm to you in the long run - it's not worth it.
You make your choices, the siblings make theirs. Maybe it is time to arrange for paid in-home care on a regular, reliable schedule. Is sibs can also help out some, so much the better. But obviously you cannot rely on them.
Seven years, you are an angel and a real blessing to your Mom!
Did this system of assignments work over the long haul for you two? I'm impressed!
It worked because we were doing it for our Mother and we wanted to keep her at home! I am not saying it was all a bed of roses but our main focus was Mom and not ourselves.
What if you and your husband decide what is reasonable for your situation, and announce it? "Starting Dec 1, I will taking care of Mother on Mondays and Thursdays, and every-other Saturday. This is as much as I can commit to at this time and in view of my health. Let's have a family meeting to discuss what can happen on the other days of the week."
Of course, you have to be prepared to follow through on your decision. And to be certain that Mom isn't left without the help she needs, I suggest you start with finding out options from your local department of Aging and/or your county Social Services.
The other thing I recommend is getting counseling for yourself. You have health issues. You have a challenging family situation. You can use all the help you can get! I'm not saying there is something wrong with you that needs to be "fixed" -- just that you are in a tough spot and deserve some support.
oh my uncle's family come maybe once a month and he did not live very far away he only came to get my grandmothers money so I came up with an idea for him not to get so much of my grandmothers money after about 3 years come around only for her money and to yell at her if she didn't give it to him I decided I wanted money to only to keep him from getting a lot of it but he got it anyway no one in the family got one thing from my grandmother when she passed you put my poor grandma in a nursing home and just forgot all about her I and my daughter visit her every day and the nursing home today that we were only visitors but as strange as it sounds they wouldn't tell me a word that my grandmother passed away my mother called me because she read it in the newspaper just one day of not visiting and she passed away I rushed and rushed to the nursing home fast I got what I could find out for myself and my family they were told not to tell no one about anything Sam was the one that told them not to tell nothing so I rush to my grandmother's house just to find out that Sam had been there all night and day the day before and taking everything of my grandmothers and even so the house without my father even knowing anything once again and once again and all this tragedy like when my grandfather died my got nothing
Sam seen to that but the Lord in heaven knows that I took care of my grandmother and loved her very much my grandmother could not walk she was blind and to this day I still don't know what my grandmother died from and I really do miss her terrible and this is a tragedy about families they just don't care like they should care you're all just so damn greedy well my grandmother just give me a few bracelets before she passed away that my grandfather had got her in Germany when he was stationed in the war ww1 but thank you got stolen from me but I want to commend David Cassidy so hard hard life taking care of someone like that but in your life you will remember back and it'll be so fulfilling remembering all the good times just a good time I believe God has a special place for David Cassidy in heaven taking care of his mom likes he did and he thanked his fans all the time well this is one saying that wants to thank you David Cassidy putting for putting the whole world on your shoulders and taking care of your mother it's a very good takes a very strong person to do that believe me I know said thank you David and thank you for helping like I said I don't know what my grandmother died from but I know her mind was very good about the past as for things going on right then I don't really think she comprehended a lot of things but I love and miss her still to this day Sandra