I am here living with mum and caring for her for last 4yrs. I have a brother down the road who is no support whatsoever? a sister lives 2hrs away dosnt want to know? a sister who lives abroad and causes nothing but trouble and stress and thnakfully a very supportive brother also abroad.
My sister and bro are coming home this wkend so we can discuss mums future?
Ive just been speaking to my sis on phone and ALREADY shes causing trouble she let slip that she has been talking to my brother who lives close by behind my back? and they seem to think they are calling all the shots, she even told me that I should live where its convienient for her and my brother to visit mum??
My bro lives down the road he pops in once every 10 days and does the ODD repair? Never spwnds time with mum or brings her anywhere?
My sister lives abroad and flits in once or twice a year to spend little time with mum and spends more time with friends having coffees?
My christian sister hasnt even called after she was told mums got dementia?
The only person that gives a crap here is me and if im going to look after mum and am the only one who can care for her then its where I want to live and have my own life.
If my mum goes into a NH near here she will be on her own with a brother who will not visit everyday take her out etc..
My sister comes home 2 a year?
Other bro agrees with me lukily!
I am so angry and theyre not even here yet?
Any advice? Even my sleeping pills not working damn!
You'll figure out how to handle this. Just let them know that if they want to call the shots, then you'll abandon your responsibilities, because they feel they can do a better job. I know you don't want to do that, but they don't! Bluff.
To succeed, I think you should stay as calm as possible. Instead of boiling in anger, try making a list of all the outrageous things you know they'll say. Think of a response for each one. That way, you're not fretting, you're planning. I think that constructive effort may calm you.
I don't blame you at all for being so angry. It's just that I don't want you to disempower yourself by losing it with them.
is there a way that you could leave when visitors come? This would relieve your stress and give you a bit of valuable time off. It often happens that those furthest away some how develop clarivoyant skills and think they know what's best. That is written cynically, of course.
I would suggest having a needs assessment done by a geriatric care manager. Involving an impartial third party quickly will help with the sibling discussion. Geriatric care managers will also help family to discuss and determine what is best for your mom, which is usually to remain in the home as long as possible provided they receive all the care and assistance they need.
So now their claim is that they despise me because I haven't been to see mom...they counted on me "checking in" so they could disapprove of me or learn of my life through her. They've despised me as long as i can remember.
These are blood relatives.
I'm still begging God to give me a family.