First, I am glad I have found this website. I been feeling down because my sister does not help with the care of our mother. She lives in the same area as I do and my mother lives approx. 16 miles away from us. I have two brothers who lives in other cities, but, they come down and see our mother more often than my sister does. I take my mother to doctor's appointments and see about her other needs. My mother has emotional problems which all of us know she is someone that is hard to deal with, however, she is seeking help and is doing much better. I have retired after 39 years of Federal service, because I wanted to stay at home with my husband who has parkinson disease. So I am dealing with his needs and my mother. My sister say that my mother has hurt her, but, my mother has also hurt me, also. I understand that my mother has a emotional problem and I am taking her to seek help. I told my siblings it will be so much better if all of us will work together. I don't understand how my sister can turn her back on her mother. When my sister was going through marital problems we all was there too help her. My mother was there for her...in fact when all all kids have problems she is there. I told my sister how I feel, but, she feels everyone else is her friend except her siblings and mother. I have gotten to the point when I talk to her it has to be about fun...not what's going on with the well being of out mother. How do I deal with the way I feel about my sister? I feel like she does not give a kitty about me, brothers or mother.
Your question is about how to deal with the way you feel about your sister. It sounds to me like you are able to be very compassionate about your mother's shortcomings. You understand that she has emotional problems and you can forgive her for hurting you. Perhaps you need to extend that same compassion to your sister. She feels she has no friends within her family. That is sad.
Or perhaps you want to distance yourself somewhat from your sister, as you might with other people who don't share your values, and as she apparently doesn't have deep feelings for you.
However you decide to deal with your sister, you and your brothers need to figure out how much help your mother needs, how much of that your can each realistically provide, and what to do about any needs you can't meet. It is certainly important that you not neglect your husband's needs and your own health!
Welcome to AgingCare.com. I am sorry to hear that you are having trouble getting your sister to help with caregiving for your mom. Unfortunately, you are not alone. Many caregivers experience this with their family members. I hope you find the support and resources you are looking for here on our website.
Best of Luck,
Karie H.
AgingCare.com Team