I visited my grandmother at the rehab center today and we had a care conference with the rn physical therapist and the social worker who is helping me out. They gave me the progress that when she leaves she is either gonna need a live in assistant or a nursing facility for assisted living. I know my grandmother would reject both ideas with a fight. I along with the staff at the rehab want her best interests. I'm not ignoring the advice given. I have my job to work but can visit when I'm off like I always do. She seemed normal when I arrived but was still confused and in the care conference about the house she bought over 50 years ago and showing her bills which I removed and took back to her house along with a bank checkbook. The social worker contacted me yesterday and told her to void them all she still wants to pay the bills but I told her I have it and will pay it its just the property tax and a phone bill so far. The staff felt concerned if she tells all this information to a total stranger in which identity theft is bad and the elderly are always vulnerable to it. I am deeply concerned that she thinks her house is gonna be taken away. I know it's her pride and joy who wouldn't be proud of buying a house. If she wants to be there she needs an assistant there. From what they told me she will have a hard time going up a flight of stairs at 97. Most of the setup would have to be downstairs. She would def be prone to having a bad fall. I'm trying to do all I can do while I'm there but I can handle what's coming. I will be in touch with nursing assistants tomorrow and see how it goes.
My parents were in their 90's and still were living in their home which had a lot of stairs. My Mom refused to downsize, and refused to allow any "strangers" to come into the house... thus no caregivers or cleaning crews. Yep, both of my parents were fall risks.
My Mom had passed from a very serious fall. Doctors had told her she needed around the clock caregivers to help limit her falls but Mom insisted that my Dad could catch her if she started to fall. Well, Dad being in his 90's was no Superman. It would take him 5 minutes just to get up off a chair, but then Mom's fall would be completed.
My Dad then hired caregivers for himself around the clock [3 shifts of 8 hours each]. The cost was $20k per month, which was the going rate for my area.
Then Dad decided the house was becoming too much work. Something was always needing fixing. And at his age, before he had caregivers, one would see him outside shoving snow. Plus Dad was always falling in his gardens and it would take a neighbor walking by to notice.
Eventually Dad moved to Independent Living which he loved. The cost was $5k per month, and Dad didn't need to worry when it rained that the sump pump would fail.... or during a storm that the power would go out.... he didn't need to worry about cooking, housekeeping, or laundry.... and he didn't need to worry about stairs. Ah what a relief.
There are pros and cons, mainly more cons, when it comes to an elder remaining at home. They are in total denial that they can no longer maintain the home. When my Dad moved from his home, he said for me to tell the house.... it had to be sold in "as is" condition.
Your best option if your grandmother is not mentally competent and unable to make medical or financial decisions for herself and has no POA would be to seek guardianship. You would need to hire an elder law attorney and go through the court to do so, as the court has to agree with grandmother's doctor and based on the evidence provided that mom is not legally competent in order for a guardian to be appointed.
If you were appointed guardian, you would be the one making the medical and financial (including housing) decisions on your grandmother's behalf.
I know it must be very hard for your grandmother to imagine going to AL or NH. However, if the social worker and PT nurse both believe she would be a danger to herself there in her home, AL or NH probably is going to be the best for her in the long run. 24/7 home care is going to be very expensive.
At an AL or nursing facility, she would be able to have assistance with bathing, dressing, medications, etc if she needs it. and most would (or should) have grab bars and other modifications to make it less likely that she would fall.