This may not be the forum for this but I' have relied on this forum for some time.
I will get straight to the point. If your spouse asks you not to wear makeup, would you not wear makeup? If your spouse asks you not to wear shorts (not talking Daisy Duke type shorts) to work, would you not do so? If your spouse asks you not to speak to other men, would you not do so? If this list keeps going, would you keep going?
I do try to compromise for example with just lipstick, mascara, and nail polish.
If I wear my hair curly one day when I am not with him but then straight the next day I am with him, he says I did not put as much effort in as I did the previous day.
I am so tired of my spouse telling me what he does not like about me. Of course when he is telling me something it comes with anger. My counselor suggests giving up on my marriage after working with me for 6 months. We did a few couple's sessions. I have suggested hubby go back to individual counseling to work on his control and jealously issues in the past. I don't do is against him.
If you want to lose weight, it should be about him. If I want to start looking more attractive, it should be about him.
M 8 8... miss you!
"How loving of him to let you know".
My mom took the mind games and the put downs only so long... she had $$$ in a secret account and planned to divorce him, sick of the alcoholism and adultery.
I was too small then, but my sibling being 6 yrs older HATED MY MOM, for ridding us of such a loser, but sibling loved dad a lot.
Mom was super smart and always fought with him whenever we weren't around. I have no recollection of those fights.
Mom made it ok, brought us up by herself, no alimony, no child support.
She wanted it like that when the divorce papers were signed,
with the stipulation that he was never to look for us... ever.
He was happy as a clam. Never knew him, met him, loved him nor missed him.
I thank mom for thinking ahead and not taking any more humiliation
and mental abuse from my "dad".
M88
Illness.
But the thing, with me going on and doing me, I get lip service. See it is the comments like these yes other examples that have just ooooowwww. I just want it to stop but going on and doing me is not working. Sleeping in separate rooms for six months is not working. Guessing duck tape is an option.
If I am on my porch and some male drive up next door, it is why have you not gone inside. Gone inside for what I am sweeping my porch or working on my car. You go inside. So now I am accused of trying to get male attention.
If I am going to church without him, he swears I have put on my Sunday’s best and proceeded to danced in front of the deacon’s bench.
A male classmate saw us in the store one day and proceeded to call my name. My husband gave him such an ugly look that the guy went to explaining and apologizing.
That’s not to mention the affair I am having during my 45-minute drive to work in the next town. This is what he told my then 81-year old dad last year. Dad told me about the conversation and told me he just had to go off a bit telling him he was acting and sounding like a dam fool.
When he feels I am being defiant he goes, something bad is going to happen to you. My comment is it already has, YOU.
I feel like this is such a silly issue to be coming from grown people. I feel so embarrassed to call him my hubby and it has started to overtake the positive in my eyes. I’m embarrassed of me.
Oh I didn’t give him a deadline because you can behave just long enough. At least that is my thinking on the subject.
My ex had money that, way way after I had signed away all rights , I found out about and it would make your eyes water. Lets put it this way he bought at least one more house and has lived abroad very comfortably for the last 20 years! So caution don't leave until its too late - our divorce was amicable when despite his behaviour with women (and men) (and drink) the fact that I met a man resulted in him divorcing me for adultery. I couldn't prove his behaviour other than hearsay because it happened abroad and no-one would substantiate his behaviour through alcohol because it always happened behind closed doors.
Ultimately, my ex became physically abusive towards my daughters, not just me. The police escorted him out. He paid the mortgage until the house was sold.
Going to a lawyer is not throwing in the towel on your marriage. Finding out what your rights are means that you stop looking at this through the lens of "I'm going to be out on the street".
No, he's going to be out of the house if he doesn't mend his ways. And he's going to be ordered to pay for your kids to remain in their home. Puts things in a different light, yes?
Answry, hoping I can be more supporting. You said it was making you ill.
Not because of Answry, but because of their own character flaws, their own lack of self-discipline, and because the side effects of medications have changed their brain into a dementia.
My advice, when that time comes, let him leave.
In the meantime, set up your own finances, separately, so you won't be surprised.
So the lip service has to go.
I have asked him to change this issue and he either does or doesn’t. If he does not, then get someone else to do the prison sentence. However, I believe if you can deal with drinking until you pass out issue (yes this is where we were 20 years ago) than you can deal with this as well. If you can quit smoking real smokes, than you can deal with this as well.
He does not have permission to treat me bad although by not leaving totally out the home, I can see how he and others may think I have given permission. But I refuse to be on the street with my kids. If leaving home is a must I must be able to support us totally on our own and I’m working on that issue as well. And as counselor says, if you jump up and leave you may be losing rights. So talking to an attorney is also another step never done.
Like I said, please keep us in your prayers and thoughts. Divorce is not my first choice but may be the only choice.
Thanks all for posting, be blessed. I appreciate your comments. Off to finish the work week.
Wow
Sobering indeed!
M88
Love doesn't come and call
Those same ties will eventually kill
My heart my soul my all
Yet will I make those choices? No
Ive grown accustomed to the pain
Should I stay or should I go?
Either answer seems insane
So I do nothing and I die inside
Was this how it was meant to be
When before God the knot we tied
Was it meant to strangle me?
You can interpret MY tan tararantantan, with a composer, year and title?????
What about this one: La, lalala, OH OH OH.............
M98........haha 88 fingers not obedient
Was he on those meds when you met him?
Was he at the same dosages?
Is it really true this is how you've known him?
Does that give him permission to..............fill in the blanks, what you told us?
Hmmmm.............................................................
Well..............
M88
DH has medical issues (severe cervical and lumbar stenois) but is not bed bound. Takes narcotic meds like oxycodone and non-narcotic pain medication, flexeril. These things have caused performance issues. I believe the control has kicked up a notch for these reasons.
Anyway, I think I've done all the reassuring that I know how to do. I'm trying to be me and focus elsewhere.
Either way, I will let you all know how things play out this year.
she sings it / says it kinda quietly...
tan tan, tarara tan tan, tan tan, tarara tan tan!!!
M88
"These boots are made for walking
That's what I'm gonna do
La la la la la la la
They're gonna walk ALL OVER YOU".
I can't remember where I wrote la la la.........anyone please?
M88
Here's the song, by request:
I Will Survive
Gloria Gaynor
Lyrics
At first I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
Without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
Thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
And so you're back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here
With that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me
Go on now go walk out the door
Just turn around now
'Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I w i l l s u r v i v e !
I WILL SURVIVE. Gloria Gaynor