What not to give a care receiver for Christmas -- a caregiver's view.
Birthdays, Mother's Day, Christmas all bring little gifts from the family. There is one gift that shows up each time that I dread seeing -- gift cards. These may seem nice, but if the giver thinks it through, they will realize it is a bad idea. How is someone who can barely walk going to spend the gift card?
My mother sometimes gets gift cards to a restaurant that is many miles from our house. This means that I have to devote several hours getting her there and having dinner. Wouldn't a better gift be if someone would pick her up and take them to dinner themselves? I know... that would be too much trouble.
Store gift cards are not a good idea. My mother gets these a good bit. What it means is that I have to go to the store and buy her something. Maybe she will go with me, meaning it requires a half day of my time. Wouldn't it be better for the person to just buy her something themselves? Or if the giver would come and take her to the store to buy something. I know... too much trouble.
I doubt many gift givers think about the technicalities when they purchase gift cards. It is easy for them to do, but it transfers the work to the caregiver. I know... I have a bad attitude, but really, take her out to dinner yourself. She would love having some different company. And buy her a present yourself. I buy everything for her already. Bah humbug.
But for and elder with impairments? Gift cards simply pass the task of gift selection on to the already overworked caregiver! You are so right, Jessie!
Another no-no, in my book, is to give kits or hobby items that the person will need help with. Offering to come over and do the activity with the person -- fabulous! Expecting the caregiver to do it is not a thoughtful gift.
The SNF washing machines do a great job of cleaning her clothes and making them appear ancient in a couple of months. So I sent out her sizes and clothing needs. She had always prided herself in dressing well. It would be important to her non dementia prior self if someone made sure her clothes were presentable - they know this.
I also told them that the bingo games need prizes constantly. In the SNF gaming arena, anything new or edible works as a prize. These games are very important to the other residents who help look after her. It's a small facility and the residents keep an eye out for each other.
And thirdly, the SNF staff would appreciate presents. I gave suggestions.
No one gave any sort of response yet. I do wonder what the response will be.
I am tempted to ask my husband to wait and see who sends her presents before sending them their Christmas checks from her. Though they are nominal amounts, it's still rather mean spirited of me. I shall try to be better.
Cash, I could put into her account at the SNF for her beautician, but I didn't think of that as a suggestion. She has her hair colored, permed and styled regularly. She is a long time narcissist so this gives her hours of pleasure admiring herself in her mirror.
We made calls on Thanksgiving to the 3 other children. She left nice messages in their machines. One called her back. This seemed to depress her at Thanksgiving so we won't do that again.
Carpenter reference was not in religious context, meant to hang the shelf....
plate. ANother family member sends her a fruit of the month and that goes to the DON's office, again more good will. If any of these gift givers were to visit her it would be priceless for her but ain't happening.
Love, love, love the idea of sending an Xmas card early out to family with her clothing size. The NH commercials machines make short work out of their wardrobe. If I'd had realized the degree of hot water and hard machines @ the NH, I'd would have spent-down a couple of thousand on extra clothes from Target for her and just stored them in Ziploc's for future use. My mom's once lovely wardrobe was just trashed within 6 months. Live & learn.