My father has been a major alcoholic my whole life (nice one) and has been in and out of the hospital for years. It finally caught up with him and dr told me he could no longer live alone and declared him incompitent along with liver failure and congestive heart failure. I put him in an assisted living/memory care (he finally gave in and didn't put up a fight) and is doing pretty well now that he has assistance, is being fed, taking meds and not allowed alcohol.
He has been asking to see one of his friends who he has lunch with and I know it's because he misses going out to restaurants and DRINKING. I feel bad not letting him have a bit of an outside social life (I live in a different state) but I know that one outing WILL involve alcohol and the whole spiral will happen again and will be kicked out of his assisted living. Not sure how to handle this, I don't want to control him or stop him from seeing his friends but this risk is too great. Help
The reality is it is easy to get alcohol in group homes and assisted livings even in facilities in which it is banned.
My fiancee taught me "people are going to do what they want to do...no matter what anyone says or does"
drink some chamomile & go for a walk at sunset...that will help you feel better :)
My dads 1st facility had meal vouchers that you could purchase from the business office for $6 each meal, $10 if you paid at the table. Not bad for steak or salmon or 50 other lovely, delicious meals.
We would make it like a date, get there and walk up to the restaurant a bit before the meal, walk outside on the patio, then enjoy a leisurely meal with coffee and desert. My dad loved to be seen with visitors.
Maybe you could send her some vouchers and that would be the excuse to eat at the facility?
Have you talked to your dad about the importance of NOT imbibing at all? Could his doctor stress this, again?
Please join Al-Anon. They have telephone group meetings and online meetings. There are some in person meetings that have returned since the pandemic has lessened.
Going out to a restaurant that doesn't serve alcohol won't work. If the friend isn't going to respect the no drinking on the lunch date, they will find a way to drink.
The friend will sneak a bottle into the restaurant. Hopefully the OP can talk to this friend beforehand and explain that there can be no drinking and he's trustworthy enough to abide.
He also has a friend that we are certain was bringing him bottles when he was home and unable to drive. If you know the person that he's wanting to go with, I would def contact them and express your concerns. I think it would probably be best if the friend decided to just go see him at the ALF and maybe have dinner with him there. They do allow guests to eat for a small fee. At least dads does . Hope this rambling helps. Have a blessed day.
Nolan
See All Answers