My grandmother in law broke 2 ribs from a recent fall. All the doctors told her absolutely no unneccesary bending, reaching, or lifting. She will not listen. she has physical therapists in the home 2x a week, i had told them too. she tried to deny it to them, but they knew better. every visit they tell her no, the consequences and everything but she wont listen. they told her she could puncture an organ and cause herself a very serious injury. to their face, she acts like she understands, but as soon as they leave she starts bending, straining, ect. then complains for hours about the pain. i dont know what to do. she thinks im trying to control her and that im mean and nasty when i tell her to stop. anything she is trying to do, i already do so i dont get why she wont freaking listen! i cant just sit around and watch her cause herself a more serious injury just because she wont relax and take it easy! and then she says i dint care about anyone but myself, but clearly that is a delusion she has. i literally do everything for her and i wouldnt help if i didnt care. im so frustrated and any advice would be wonderful. also, its only been 2 weeks and the healing time is 4-8 weeks.
I would be cautious because Grandma, who clearly has dementia, I would think, may decide that you are robbing her blind and decide to kick you out. Or tell the ER folks next time that you are hurting her on purpose. Just be aware that this happens. I think you need to document her behaviors and, as Sunny advised, get her to a neurologist for evaluation and treatment.
Does she have a Healthcare Power of Attorney?
If she has no Healthcare POA and her regular doctor is unwilling to refer her to a neurologist, I'm not sure what you can do. Maybe you could convince her that a neurological evaluation could help determine the cause of her falls. Maybe she would voluntarily go if that was the given reason. Then when there, you can provide him a list of your observations and correct any information she provides that is wrong. (I'd do this discretely.) Hopefully, he would order a neuropsychological evaluation and an MRI. At least you would have some answers.
The sad thing is that often a crisis has to happen before someone will accept help. You're doing all that you can. I would try to find peace with that.
I didn't know it then, but she had dementia. Not only would she forget that she was supposed to have a cane, she lost her ability to use good judgment and to see the consequences of her actions. It just wasn't there.
It's not her being difficult or trying to hurt her recovery. The only solution that I came up with is to monitor her constantly. At least until she heals. I would keep check on her though, to see if she is irresponsible in other areas that involve risking her health. If she is refusing to sit and relax, look at that too. Often dementia patients are anxious. They will pace the floor, wring the hands, make repetitive movements, etc. I might read up on it and discuss it with her doctor.
Do you know how she fell? Frequent falls are also common with dementia.
There could be other explanations. Perhaps other posters have experiences they can offer.
And actually there is a trade-off at work there: if she really did keep still to encourage faster healing, what she gained from that she'd lose in being less mobile. Broken ribs are right b*st*rds - you can't not move your ribs, and there is nothing much you can do to stop them hurting, though the pain will gradually decrease on its own.
So that just leaves the irritation of her saying 'ow it hurts when I do this' and then going on doing whatever the 'this' is. Which is very irritating. But probably not dangerous. Remind her that the remedy is in her own hands, and try not to get drawn into emotional discussions about it if you can possibly help it.
If she's allowed to use it and it's safe (ask discreetly when she isn't listening) you could perhaps find some topical pain relief ointment that you can apply to the affected area. It won't do much for broken bones, but it might be soothing and at least you'll have tried.
My daughter broke my rib by bouncing a heavy branch into me by accident: your MIL has my heartfelt sympathy. But it gets better, bit by bit. She shouldn't despair. I just hope she doesn't drive you round the bend in the meantime! Sympathy to you, too.
In cases like that, you have to look at the safety issues. My cousin didn't want to feel dependent either, but she was incapable of living alone. It wasn't safe. I had to ignore those wishes.
Even if they are in a facility, they can still ignore walkers and fall. My cousin ended up with more fractures and a fractured spine. She's now in a wheelchair. But, she gets around by using her feet in the chair and she no longer falls. Sometimes, it comes to that.