Today he refused his pills because he pees too much. He will not eat or drinks very little water. He is continent 3×a day and refuses help. We know he needs to be in a Nursing home, but the one he wants to go to does not have openings yet. Myself and his family have been dealing with his horrible behavior for 2 years now and yes he has stage 2 dementia. But this yelling at females and talking down at them has been going on all his life. What do we do?
Stage 2 dementia is very mild. In fact, it's very difficult to diagnose at this stage. He would be able to fool doctors and family at this stage.
There really is nothing you can do to "make" him take his meds for the fluid buildup caused by congestive heart failure. He'll just keep swelling and have more difficulty breathing and edema in the legs as time goes on.
The best you can do is try to persuade him to go to a different nursing home.
But there's no guarantee that he'll take his meds there either.
I'm sorry he's so difficult.
Who is his primary caregiver? - that is to say, the person who is primarily responsible for his welfare (besides the man himself).
I assume you mean he has congestive heart failure?
Unless there is any question of his having lost mental capacity (doesn't sound like he has) then you can do nothing. It is his right to refuse medications if he wishes to, and to eat and drink what he pleases.
You (you the family, that is) should continue to ensure that his medications are offered to him as prescribed, for him to take or not as he chooses; and that he is routinely offered food and drink as normal. You can recommend, you can encourage, you can support. You cannot force him to do anything he doesn't wish to do.
And if he pursues this course of action he will die sooner than he might die otherwise, and he will become physically and mentally frailer more rapidly than he would otherwise. As long as he knows that, that too is his choice.
It can be difficult to provide care for someone who is consistently, personally offensive. It takes the joy out of nursing, so to speak. But please do bear in mind that his condition makes him feel terrible and will worsen his temper and exacerbate any disagreeable characteristics. You don't have to grin while you bear it, but try not to take it to heart. He's a sick old man.
Also. While the elderly gentleman has every right to make choices for himself (until proved otherwise), he does not have the right to make choices for other individuals. So you all of you are entitled to vote with your feet and walk out, and your duty in that case would be to assist him to find alternative caregivers, perhaps through an agency. You do not have to stand there and be insulted unless you choose to be there and to overlook it.
If this man has been rude to women all his life, it isn't realistic to expect him to change as a sick old man with the beginnings of dementia. So, put up with it or remove yourself when he starts up like that.
How long is the waiting list for his preferred NH? I know that prediction can't be very precise, but can they tell you the approximate range? You might want to make different plans if it is 18 months from now compared to 2 months.