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What options are available to her? She has her own health issues. This is physically and mentally affecting her well being. All caregivers refuse to help as a result of his behavior. He refuses to go to the nursing home

He cannot refuse if there’s no help available to him. His mother needs to refuse to provide care, she’s far too old to keep this up, plus she doesn’t deserve verbal abuse. The power is with her. When she stops trying to help, he will have no options left but nursing home care
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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She needs to contact social services for her county and talk about options. It may mean he becomes the ward of a court-appointed guardian and is removed to a facility whether he wants to or not. Or, she can contact her local Area Agency on Aging to see if they can direct her to resources.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Your mother needs to learn the word NO, and start using it daily. No I can't care for you any longer. No I can't make you meals anymore. No I can't wipe your butt anymore. You get the idea.
Your mother now needs to put her big girl panties on and once and for all stand up for what is not only best for her son, but for herself as well. And of course that is having him placed in the appropriate facility, so she can live out her days in peace, and get back to just being her sons mother and not his burned out and exhausted caregiver.
And the rest of you kids need to make sure that you stand beside her in getting your brother placed, as this should have been done years ago.
I mean good God your mother is 90 years old!!! How much longer do you want your mother to be used and abused by this physically and mentally sick man? Until she falls over dead from the stress?
At 90, she doesn't really have that many more years left anyway, so please allow her to enjoy whatever time she does have left and to be able to live in peace. She deserves that much.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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His preference isn't really relevant if he's at risk to himself and others. I know The Greatest Generation are resilient and strong but, c'mon Mom, time to call in the reserves!

What do/es his doctor(s) say? Is there a psychological reason for his behavior or is he just a punk? Or maybe he's so scared of being so helpless that he's lashing out at everyone in self-defense.

Few people are eager to go into a SNF; it's more a suck-it-up-n-get-it-done thing. Adult protective services doesn't HAVE to be involved, but if that's what it takes...

Best wishes to your family, may you find the care and peace everyone needs soon.
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Reply to ravensdottir
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