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91 yo Mom was living in her own home with some intermittent assistance but had advancing dementia. She had a serious stroke and can no longer walk, confused, bad sundowners,can’t remember that she can’t walk. Went from ER- Hospital- SNF-to my house. Never went home. She is only concerned about going home but we must move her into a board and care home. Should we allow her to go back to her own home to “say goodbye “ or have some closure or will that just further confuse her and increase her anxiety? She lost 99% of her language prior to the stroke so communication is hard. She hates being at my home which is very familiar and nice. She will hate a strange place even more. 24 hr care in her own home was too expensive.

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I would recommend against it especially if she has dementia. I took my poor mother back to her house solely to use the bathroom and her nursing home was just a tad to far to make it. She was devastated, and we ended up staying there for 90 minutes as she wandered from room to room in tears.

This wasn't in preparation to selling the house -- it was purely a bathroom break, but it upset her to no end to realize that she'd never live in her home of 50 years again. I felt terrible.
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Neener Dec 2021
That’s what I fear. It will be hard to get her to leave and she will be upset.
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That is a stop I would not make.
She will get used to her new "home"
"Home" to many with dementia is not an actual place but a time when they were well, healthy, and safe.
Reassure her that she is safe. She will be going to a safe place and will have people that will care for her and make sure she is safe.
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Sometimes closure pain is good. But I doubt in this case with stroke & dementia it would be.

However, for you, for this big change of your Mother leaving her home.. I think this could be good closure, a change to grieve, be sad, accept. So go but go alone.

Take photos for memories for yourself - & your tissues 😥

Maybe down the track, if/when Mother asks about her home, you can produce a lovely photo album & talk about the HAPPY memories shared there.
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No, don't take her back to her home.
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I never took my mom back to her house after moving her to assisted living. She forgot her house quickly. "Home" eventually was to her the second house she and my dad bought in their 20's. There were 2 other houses since then and she totally forgot them. I believe had I taken her to her final house within the first year of leaving it, she would have been very upset.
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