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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Mom should not be left alone at 99 and since she's falling all the time! Yes, you "have to handle your own life" but what about keeping mom safe????
Offer her the option of getting in home caregivers or moving into Assisted Living, her choice. If you don't have POA, next time she falls, call 911 and get her sent to the ER to get checked out. Then tell them there's nobody at home to care for this woman and she's an UNSAFE DISCHARGE. The social worker will have to find placement for her.
She's not going to ever stop falling until she breaks something and is then bedbound, since it is illegal to restrain someone. If she's refusing help then this may be a clear sign of her cognitive decline: no rational person would refuse help. She may not even be remembering that she fell. Extreme and irrational "stubbornness" is definitely a behavior symptom of dementia.
Is she on any meds for anxiety, agitation or depression? If not, this may help if she cooperates in taking them.
You DO have to prioritize your own life, so she needs oversight from someone else, or/and somewhere else.
These are solutions, if you accept it.
My 100-yr old Aunt with advanced dementia fell getting out of her own bed in her own home (and we had her "barricaded" to try to prevent this since she hasn't been able to walk without assistance for years). Even while in rehab she was still trying to get out of bed. I was in the process of finding facility care for her knowing that she would continue to get up and fall. "Thankfully" she passed away peacefully in her sleep before this happened.
I wish you peace in your heart as your find on a solution that works as good as possible for the both of you.
canoble1964, sometimes we have to let nature take its course. My folks were in their late 90's, still living in their house on their own. Dad would pack in a New York minute to move to senior living but my Mom would refuse.
So I just waited. Eventually that phone came, 911 was called, Mom was hospitalized due to a very serious fall, sent to rehab but the damage was too far great, sent to a nursing home. Dad hired a caregiver for himself (Mom would refuse them) and he visited Mom daily at the nursing home. Eventually Dad said time to sell the house and he moved into senior living. Oh how he wished my Mom would had agreed to that, he loved the place.
Married for what..50, 60 yrs? Surely they faced many decisions together & came up with many compromises over the years?
That's what I wonder, reading your tale.. plus also for my own folks (in this now). One wanted to move to AL years ago, the other didn't. Then a health crises & retraction of that AL wish, refusing home care help while the other agrees! Never on the same page.
I wish I had an answer. My 98-year-old mother-in-law refuses to move to an independent living or assisted living facility. She lives alone with multiple levels and doesn’t drive anymore. She can barely walk. She’s lost a ton of weight. She has mild cognitive decline, which was documented after seeing a geriatric doctor. Now she refuses to go back to that doctor because she says the doctor’s note made her “look like an imbecile” .Her independence and intelligence means everything to her. And so based on the recommendations from the very many people on this site, I am stepping back. I check in on her offer help and put her in touch with people and resources and let her do what she wants to do.. When she falls and has to be hospitalized I can send her to rehab. Very few people get the Hollywood ending where they die in their sleep, but that’s what she’s hoping for. In the meantime, I’ve stopped trying to convince her - I just offer help. I wish you good luck. This is so hard and they are so stubborn and I pray to God I’m not like this to my children when I get older. Take care.
She's choosing how she wants to die. In her home, probably of complications of a fall. You could have a heart-to-heart with her explaining the results of her refusing help, but don't expect it to change her mind.
Then tell her about nice assisted living facilities near you, and maybe take her to visit a few. If she is still resistant, ask her about her final wishes - funeral? Embalm or cremate? Burial place? If that STILL doesn't get through to her, tell her that you recognize her right to refuse help and that next time you receive a fall call, you'll call 911. They'll take her to the hospital, and you can handle it from there as others have suggested - tell them they need to place her because there's is no one at home to continue this charade of "I'm living independently."
If she’s of sound mind and refuses help, the best you can do is use her money to hire help to see that she’s not alone. The falls will continue, totally inevitable. You’re very correct to continue with your life and caring for your needs. An event will happen that forces change for mom, probably soon. No one likes to wait for it, but it always comes. I wish you peace
Be prepared. Make sure she has her affairs in order. Make sure there is POA, health proxy as well as making sure the house is in a revocable trust for the heirs (thereby not having lengthy probate which would be a mess), make sure someone has signature authority on her accounts so that her bills can be paid.
After that all you can do unfortunately is let her drive the bus and sit back and wait.
I would at least tell them what is coming. Yeah, your stupid “independence” stbborness will get you put in a home when u are found in your own waste, no, I won’t take you in like a baby, and this place is going to suck way more than if you’d cooperated beforehand, and stop crying.
These 1935 to 1950, protoboomers to early boomers, think they’re so special like they haven’t heard of aging. That is bs. When they were in their 20s and 30s they watched the Twilight Zone, which covered the topic of aging parents at least three times. No, it wasn’t the Walton’s, not even then.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Offer her the option of getting in home caregivers or moving into Assisted Living, her choice. If you don't have POA, next time she falls, call 911 and get her sent to the ER to get checked out. Then tell them there's nobody at home to care for this woman and she's an UNSAFE DISCHARGE. The social worker will have to find placement for her.
She's not going to ever stop falling until she breaks something and is then bedbound, since it is illegal to restrain someone. If she's refusing help then this may be a clear sign of her cognitive decline: no rational person would refuse help. She may not even be remembering that she fell. Extreme and irrational "stubbornness" is definitely a behavior symptom of dementia.
Is she on any meds for anxiety, agitation or depression? If not, this may help if she cooperates in taking them.
You DO have to prioritize your own life, so she needs oversight from someone else, or/and somewhere else.
These are solutions, if you accept it.
My 100-yr old Aunt with advanced dementia fell getting out of her own bed in her own home (and we had her "barricaded" to try to prevent this since she hasn't been able to walk without assistance for years). Even while in rehab she was still trying to get out of bed. I was in the process of finding facility care for her knowing that she would continue to get up and fall. "Thankfully" she passed away peacefully in her sleep before this happened.
I wish you peace in your heart as your find on a solution that works as good as possible for the both of you.
So I just waited. Eventually that phone came, 911 was called, Mom was hospitalized due to a very serious fall, sent to rehab but the damage was too far great, sent to a nursing home. Dad hired a caregiver for himself (Mom would refuse them) and he visited Mom daily at the nursing home. Eventually Dad said time to sell the house and he moved into senior living. Oh how he wished my Mom would had agreed to that, he loved the place.
That's what I wonder, reading your tale.. plus also for my own folks (in this now). One wanted to move to AL years ago, the other didn't. Then a health crises & retraction of that AL wish, refusing home care help while the other agrees! Never on the same page.
Then tell her about nice assisted living facilities near you, and maybe take her to visit a few. If she is still resistant, ask her about her final wishes - funeral? Embalm or cremate? Burial place? If that STILL doesn't get through to her, tell her that you recognize her right to refuse help and that next time you receive a fall call, you'll call 911. They'll take her to the hospital, and you can handle it from there as others have suggested - tell them they need to place her because there's is no one at home to continue this charade of "I'm living independently."
It's sad that it so often comes down to this.
My mother is in AL, she also is 99, she really likes it, friends, activities and more.
She has been there for 3+ years.
After that all you can do unfortunately is let her drive the bus and sit back and wait.
Good luck navigating this difficult situation.
These 1935 to 1950, protoboomers to early boomers, think they’re so special like they haven’t heard of aging. That is bs. When they were in their 20s and 30s they watched the Twilight Zone, which covered the topic of aging parents at least three times. No, it wasn’t the Walton’s, not even then.