My Mother is a 5/5 schizophrenia case since I can remember. I am 65; my Father past away four years ago and I am left on the hook as my only sibling has the curse as well. People with this mental disorder destroy all relationships in their path and most of all family. People with schizophrenia always blame their poor quality of mental existence on others who are in their lives and especially family.
My Mother is 90 and due to her health, the endless crap storm will soon clear. If the storm persists another year I will finally raise the white flag and leave her to the Government. No more obligations and zero remorse.
My heart goes out to all who have tried to keep the same boat afloat. Only you can decide when to launch the life raft and leave the damaged vessel / non-loved one(s) behind. After all these years of abuse, my above decision is completely Karma free!
If there is an alternative to this release of responsibility and you have the equal background, I am all ears.
Sunny days ahead!
You have my support for surrendering your caregiver responsibilities and allowing the government to step in.
We never know how long our parents will live. It’s a crap shoot, so I would say to do what is best for you now.
It’s apparent that you are struggling to maintain the endurance to continue in this stressful situation.
It can be difficult to step away but it is far worse to stay in a situation where you are at risk of burning out.
Tell me this, if you could close your eyes and dream of where you would like to be at this very moment, where would it be?
Now, follow that dream and make it happen.
No one else has the power to change your circumstances.
You have to take the steps forward. One step at the time is all it takes.
I wish you all the best as you search for answers.
Once you make it to the other side though, a million pounds will be lifted off of your shoulders.
I get it though. Kind of either the burden of pulling two boats along or tying theirs to the shore so your own doesn't sink (self-preservation).
I am trying for a middle ground with boundaries (if that is possible). These boundaries may appear strict to outsiders/others but I noticed without them there was no limit to the offloading of responsibility. I thought this may be a personality thing. I had no idea this is part of Sz.
A Social Worker told me once that everyone is entitled to their own life journey.
I think once I made this type of decision I would act on it.
Are u caring for Mom in her home, her home or in a LTC facility?
You probably heard the same advice, but cared too much to walk away.
Maybe now is the time to walk away. Free yourself. You only have one life.
The alternative would be to place her in AL, LTC or MC whatever is appropriate for her and then walk away. (I would advise against AL as she could just leave)
Make sure that she has what she needs but you do not have to physically visit or have contact with her.
There is the possibility though if she has not been declared incompetent that she can refuse to be moved into a facility. If that is the case you probably have to resort to first option.
Happy Sailing...
My brother's heath declined to the point of having to be put in the care of the state a couple of years ago. I placed him in a facility near my folks. The place was not high end, but clean, and my bed ridden brother was well cared for and loved. His facility was one of the few in NJ not over run by COVID. He was allowed to pass quietly at the facility instead of being rush to the hospital for his last few hours. I have the comfort of knowing staff who knew him were with him, instead of alone in a hospital. What I did learn was with no morgue, I needed to have his body pick-up ASAP. I had it all lined up prior. Actually when my dad died, I signed my mom and brother up too. It was handled smoothly. I live in another state.
Well she has significantly declined and I needed to move her to LTC. Truthfully if I wasn’t involved with her caregivers and doctors, I believe no one would have flagged her as needing a higher level of care until her money ran out. I had to push for a decent placement and it was the right decision. Her care has been better overall and the LTC staff is on top of a number of her needs. She is still on hospice but I’m not sure if she will be discharged at some point.
I guess that for me, knowing that I advocate for her while keeping strong boundaries and keeping my life separate is giving me some kind of - control? I say control because I doubt there will be “closure” or any real resolution to the history of abuse and lack of family happiness. But I can do the right thing now for an otherwise sad, isolated, lonely, and miserable person. I have said before that I “case manage” her care. And she can’t hurt me anymore.
I can say that I did a TON of personal work to overcome my emotions and anxiety related to my childhood trauma. And I could have only done that by stepping away.
Thank you for letting me share my story and thank you for sharing yours. At 65, it’s definitely time to break free.
I am sorry to read about your mother. I am currently taking care of my father and he suffers and has Alzheimer’s. He is 80. I moved him in with me. It is exhausting.
Are there any homes or facilities that would take your mother (like assisted living, or nursing homes) for short term care to give you a break? I know it is not a long term solution but it gives me something to look forward to and it gives me a mental and physical break.
If the situation is abusive, you need to find other alternatives to care for this individual. Your needs and mental health are just as important as the other person's. In a residential facility, the difficult client is cared for by others for a limited amount of time. The paid staff have lives outside of the facility: homes, quality relationships, hobbies/activities they enjoy, environments free of criticism and abusive behavior. Usually facilities access medical care to limit - even eliminate - abuse to staff. When you live with an abusive person, you do not have a place without caustic behaviors and your time in other quality relationships is usually too limited. Most care givers in this environment do not enough positives in comparison to the negatives. Knowing this should help making the decision to "get out" easier.
Part of the cycling with Schizophrenia, as I understand it, is they often take meds for a period of time and then stop because they don't like how it makes them feel or tends to slow them down a bit (from their perspective). Often, they stop because they feel better and think the problem is fixed. When off the meds, things get out of control again for those around them because they can't see that their own behavior is off. I would think a facility would ensure meds are taken regularly. The one thing that comes to mind about this, however, is that if she takes the meds regularly, she is going to be better and (if there's no dementia issues) going to start wondering why she can't go home since she is well. The cycling will begin.
Have the drs tried any of the long lasting injections? They have some that are monthly, quarterly, and yearly now. You've had a lifetime of frustration with this disease - her, too. I hope you both find something to help
Understanding also how LONGTERM CARE facilities are run will help your decision on which direction to go,
Dont make the big decision outta frustration, get respite, time out n than regain ,, Yes they can be very abusive n it hurts, it’s unbelievable, if they only knew the consequences without you,,
Sorry for this struggle,, I understand😊