I found this site when I did a search on the above. I'd just caught my mom, Depends pulled down, squatting and peeing in her chair. This isn't the first time. She's also done this with poop. Not just her chair, It could be the bed, the floor, the garbage can, the kitchen chairs... I found some other comments on other sites about it really not being on purpose and they really don't know what they're doing. I'm having a hard time with that. I don't mind accidents. But when she actually pulls down her Depends to go wherever she chooses it drives me crazy and infuriates me. Is it me? Do I just have to learn to accept this behavior? I've explained to her that that's what her Depends are for and it's easier to clean/change her then to have to clean poop up or scrub and dry furniture and/or the clothes or whatever she used to clean herself. I can and do deal with a lot, but this is the one thing that if it gets any worse I really think about her having to go to a nursing home something I promised her I would never do.
Some people have mentioned buying clothes that are difficult for them to remove, there are adult onesies or you could adapt her clothing by putting fasteners in back that are difficult to open.
You might try to make note of when she usually has a bowel movement and make sure you put her on the toilet at those times, but this will only work if she is regular.
You might mention this to her doctor, they may have some helpful ideas.
And finally, don't allow guilt to bind you to a promise you made before anyone realized just how difficult this would be. Incontinence is often a deal breaker for caregivers, and I really doubt when your mother made you promise she ever envisioned she would be asking you to clean poop off the furniture!!
We never envision our parent becoming very elderly, meaning unable to walk, see, hear, having memory issues, or resorting to being a 3 year old once again. We need to tell ourselves that we need to do what is in the best interest of our parent. And what is in the best interest of our own health, if we aren't 100%, how can we care for an elder?
I used to take offense from much of my cousin's actions thinking that she was selfish, uncaring and hateful. It wasn't until later that I realized that it was dementia and that it was brain damage causing her to act that way. That's when I was able to look beyond it. It wasn't being directed at me. She was not able to control her behavior and she could not even remember what she had done.
As the condition progressed, it became even more difficult to provide care. That's why she had to be placed in a Memory Care facility. The days when they called them homes, were before they knew more about dementia. In case you change your mind, I would go and visit some Memory Care facilities. They understand dementia and how to care for our family members who have it. It's not a terrible thing per se. I know that some places may not be as good as others, but for many dementia patients, it offers a safe place with lots of care and comfort.
People are hospitals because they are acutely ill. The attention of the staff is focused on that, less on creature comfort. Just the opposite is true in a care facility. At least this has been my experience.
I also heard of a family who had success painting the door of the bathroom bright red, so that the AD person could find it easily.
It's a rough problem that is still in the future for me. God bless you all.
It is believed that by following this method both a persons mind and body will adjust and "know" intuitively/subconsciously to go on this schedule. It's not a perfect solution and it's takes time and patience in the beginning but it can be a very effective technique. Best of luck!
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