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Tell me more about your experience with loved one becoming anxious when they find you are not there with them. My mom gets up and down a lot at night. She commented last night that she was afraid? I’m right down the hall in next bedroom. Now I’m beginning to see we have entered a new phase. Of course she is scared when she may not see me or remember. Besides being right beside her at all times…what have you found helpful if you have experiences this?

This is called Shadowing and is a common behavior that comes with some dementias. It seems to be a phase, it was my Aunt, it's not for my Mom (at least yet). Medication for anxiety and mood sometimes helps. Since people with dementia are actively losing their abilities to use logic and reason, trying to explain that you're "right here" won't help.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Talk to moms doctor about medication for sleep and anxiety. Ativan helped my mother quite a bit with her anxiety and agitation once her dementia was advancing. She also took Wellbutrin for mood and it was a great help.

Best of luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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You're definitely not alone—this is something many families experience. Sometimes the biggest difference isn't medication; it's simply having someone there for conversation, reassurance, and companionship. Consistent visits from a compassionate caregiver can help seniors feel more secure while giving family members a chance to recharge. Sending positive thoughts to your family.
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Reply to JoyfulCareKC
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lealonnie1 Jul 17, 2026
And you provide such people in the middle of the night to keep the mom company????
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I put up a big whiteboard and write down where I am, especially if I have to leave. But my husband is in an early stage yet.
I am very specific as to where I am going, and about how long I expect to be gone. He still uses his phone and does often check on my whereabouts
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Reply to MTNester1
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I believe it comes from the fear of not being able to do the things you used to be able to do. If you can no longer walk well, you are fearful of a fall whilst all alone. You don’t have the security that someone can help you in any possible way, when you are home alone and not as capable as you once were in the past.

I would put a small hand bell by the bed, so that if she is scared, she can ring it, and you can go to her to reassure her. This could work great after only a few rings of the bell, or it could turn into a non-stop ringing that drives you crazy. It worked well in our family. If you have never felt anxiety, it is horrible!!! I went the first 40 years of my life NEVER having that feeling, but I developed Celiac Disease, and anxiety is part of that condition. It is a fear like you opened your front door, and someone is standing there with a gun pointed at you. It is bad, so anything you can do to help her, will be good for both of you.

Best of luck!

🙏❤️🍀
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Reply to Tiger8
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Consider:
1. I would discuss with MD re medication.
2. Research sundowners
3. Get her a cat or dog that moves like a real one that she can hold and cuddle.
They are very realistic and may comfort her.

Found this by goggling:

To calm dementia patients at night, establish a consistent bedtime routine and reduce evening stimulation by dimming lights, turning off the TV, and keeping the room quiet and cool. Address basic needs like pain, thirst, or bathroom trips, and use reassuring touches. 

For a comprehensive approach to managing evening agitation, consider these localized strategies:

Optimize the Environment: 

Close curtains or blinds to avoid confusing shadows and outdoor reflections. Set up soft, motion-activated nightlights in the bedroom and hallway to prevent disorientation and reduce falls. 

Play Soothing Sounds: Softly play nature sounds (like ocean waves) or gentle, familiar music to mask sudden, startling household noises. 

Manage Daytime Habits: Ensure they receive plenty of bright, natural sunlight during the day and limit long afternoon naps to help reset their internal circadian rhythm.  Mayo Clinic
 
Remove Diet Triggers: 
Restrict caffeine, sugar, and alcohol to morning hours. 
Mayo Clinic

Provide Comfort Items: Use a favorite blanket or soft, stuffed animal, and consider calming aromatherapy like lavender to promote relaxation. 

Consult Medical Professionals: If wandering or agitation persists, speak to a doctor to rule out underlying issues like urinary tract infections or medication side effects. 

For more strategies on managing late-day confusion, visit the Alzheimer's Association or review the Mayo Clinic Sundowning Guide. 

Gena / Touch Matters
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Reply to TouchMatters
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I'd try 200-400 mg of magnesium glycinate given right after dinner or before bed to help sleep through the night. Only use the glycinate version to prevent loose stool. The magnesium will help with more solid sleep and also reduce anxiety.
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lealonnie1 Jul 17, 2026
I take magnesium glycinate and find it doesn't help me sleep or reduce anxiety at all.
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