Recently, my father is becoming increasingly irrational. He has been shouting non-stop everyday about the self perceived injustices and grievances he experienced. I have tried many ways to cater to his needs, but he never seems satisfied. He often talks about selling the house and how his three children are useless and cannot take care of him. The money I give him never seems to be enough, as he spends it on various items which we already have in abundance. I feel terrible and worn-out. I start to think that my father may be experiencing some form of neurological degradation or cognitive impairment. May I know of any methods or approach that can solve this problem or perhaps just temporarily alleviate the situation?
It's hard to help when everything I do is tossed aside in favor of the opinion of the next random person he meets. We used to be so close and now can't really have a conversation for more than 5-10 minutes. I know it's only going to get worse. I did get him to give his primary dr auth to speak with me and I told him that I wanted to speak to the dr before he got the pacemaker. Never happened. Next time I talked to him, he was getting the pacemaker the next day. The podunk town where he lives, the receptionist told him "Well she won't be able to speak with the doctor!!". Sigh....I guess I didn't want to make a scene or I would have reminded them that I am entitled to talk to SOMEONE with medical credentials about my father's health. I also wanted him to put me on speakerphone when the doctor was there, but he wouldn't have been for that at all. Would've been no different than if I were there physically. Because of course I am only getting half the story, so I have no idea what's really going on. Thank God he did make most of his final arrangements years ago, but as far as POA and protecting any assets he still has,...it's not even on the agenda right now. Let alone what happens when he can't live alone any longer. When he was retiring, I was trying to help him with Medicare and sent him a stamped envelope with an auth form highlighted -all he had to do was sign it and drop it in the mail so I could speak to Medicare on his behalf. Never happened, he didn't do it, stayed at the bottom of his to-do pile. Then the next thing I know, he has somehow miraculously gotten his employers ok to be on disability for 2 years (even though he's of retirement age, 67). Okayyyy. So that only defers all the headaches of choosing Medicare supplements/Rx plans (until he's in much worse health/state of mind) - he's on like 15 medications (NOT exaggerating) which was a nightmare to research.
Sorry, this is not an answer, more of a rant. I'm just frustrated with this and only see it getting worse. But you surely know by now that at least you are not alone. And so do I. So thanks for that.
Definitely call your dad's physician to see what can be done.
And why are you giving him money? I see this in a lot of the posts here and never understand. If you're having to help your father - why are you handing him money? You're already buying everything.
At any rate, getting through to dad and getting him to understand, isn't likely, so, I'd just try to run damage control, until you can get him medical care. Explore the options with his doctor.
I'd work on getting legal authority to handle his finances, so he doesn't lose his assets. If you don't have Durable POA and Healthcare POA, I"d see an attorney to see about Guardianship.
I'd try to not take his negative comments personally. Obviously, something is causing it. Just develop a tough skin and hopefully, the doctor can prescribe medication, if he's overly anxious or depressed.
When my LO was upset over imaginary problems, I'd just tell her that I had taken care of it. All was solved and everything was okay. She was so relieved to hear that and thanked me profusely. Of course, she would forget that and it would have to be repeated later on. Keep in mind that convincing someone with cognitive decline that they are mistaken and that nothing is wrong, usually doesn't work. Agreeing and soothing is often more effective.
When I would take my dad to the Dr. and wanted the Dr. to know things that I didn't want to discuss in front of my dad I would write a brief note prior to the appointment and give it to the nurse when we checked in, telling her that the note was for the Dr. to read before he comes in to see my dad.
Since these changes were fairly sudden the fix may be something simple like a medication change.
I know you are doing the best you can for your dad. Its hard to see our parents aging and nothing we do seems to please them anymore. Glad you are trying to find an answer. I think you are on the right track. Does your dad have diabetes? High blood pressure? Low on vitamins? Dehydration? Depression? Anxiety? Fear of death? I know its hard to have a heart to heart with your parent, but I would take the time and really ask your dad, what is it? Have the doctor review his meds, his blood work, maybe consider a cognitive evaluation. My dad had heart failure and I didn't truly understand why he was so negative. I really regret this and wish I had done more for him.