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My father is in his 60s dealing with Dementia and Parkinson, he got diagnosed in 2021 but has been rapidly decline due to the specific strain, he has an at home aid that comes regularly to help while my mother is at work, he has been affecting me and my mom mentally and physically, he has ruined my mental health and caused me to spiral and get admitted to a psychiatric ward, he has affected my moms back and spine due to the fact that he is quite large and cannot stand by himself, he has also made 4 other aids quit already and I can’t stand him anymore. No elderly home or nursing home will help us due to the fact he acts normal while they are present, we have already gone to 3 in the past 6 months. he has caused me and mom so pain. What can I do?
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This sounds dangerous and unsustainable and I hope you, your mom, and your dad get significant help soon. I agree he may need meds.

I don’t understand this: “No elderly home or nursing home will help us due to the fact he acts normal while they are present”

If he physically can’t stand on his own and needs an aide and can’t be alone, that sounds like exactly the situation that senior care facilities are designed to help with.

I think you mean he “acts normal” or not aggressive (?) while being evaluated by professionals? Can he stand on his own then?

Has your mother discussed this with his doctors?
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Reply to Suzy23
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Perhaps you and M need to precipitate a crisis. M needs to go for a 2 week vacation (even if it is to recuperate in a care facility!), you need to back out of caring for him. He needs to find for himself that he needs care and cannot live alone without it. It would be good to work out what is the best outcome of the crisis that will inevitably happen (eg “he can’t stand by himself”), and make sure that’s what is on the table to resolve the crisis.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Yes, he needs medication to calm his behavior. Your mother should contact his neurologist immediately and tell him or her that it is an emergency safety issue. If you or she feel unsafe at any time you should leave and if necessary call 911 and have him taken to the ER and ask that he be admitted as an inpatient until medications can get his temperament under control. I'm sorry you and your mother are in this situation.
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Reply to MG8522
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Your father needs medication to calm his extreme behaviors. Your mother needs and deserves to live in peace. As this has caused you this much mental duress, you need to back off completely and protect yourself. This is beyond your ability to help or fix, not your fault. Please take care of yourself, you matter
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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