My 94 year old father insists on living alone and my sister is in agreement.He has only one person come in, twice a day to give him his pills, and say hi. He hasn't had a bath or shower in 6 months and says that he is "self" sponge bathing. He absolutely refuses home health care, meals on wheels, or moving from his couch. He stays in the same clothes for up to a week at a time. My sibling lives half way across the country and visits only for a couple of days every 3 months. She says she has "wonderful care". She took over only after eight years of my caring for my father and my late mother before that. I refused to be a part of this "living alone" after my father suffered a total heart blockage and was hospitalized for about 3 weeks. I could not take the stress of constantly monitoring his every move and dangerous activities. He has been diagnosed with early to moderate dementia, but that was several months ago. He has worsened since and still my sister insisted her way (his living alone) is the right, and only way, although she does not live here. I've been called names, had accusations thrown at me, even shoved. I've withdrawn completely now from my father's care. It's as though my father is suffering from "Stockholm Syndrome" when he speaks with my sister over the phone. I have always wanted what is best for my father and he can afford the best, so it's not a matter of money. The problem is, my sister wants to save "his" money". After looking after him for so long and then suddenly having my sister step in, near the end is appalling to me.
We considered what to do if he insisted on returning to his home, which is still there, even though we hope to sell it in the spring. I was told that one could call protective services in the county ANONYMOUSLY to report a problem. They will go in and do an assessment and that may get things moving in the right direction. In fact, the director from the first ALF he was in told me this. That place had a relationship with the county. Do you have power of attorney? That would be extremely valuable now. Good luck.
Carol