I am increasingly uncomfortable with her decision not to use her cane and hearing aids regularly. Going out in public or listening to her talk about situations where she clearly needed them drives me crazy. Sometimes she just forgets or doesn't think or is in a hurry. I used to remind her when we went out to bring her cane but now she insists she doesn't need it. (In the spring using her cane/ wheelchair was not optional but she is better now) Hearing aids are relatively new, less than a year, but she only wears them sparingly because thinks they are like reading glasses only puts them in to go to doctors or church. She complains about not being able to hear people on the phone, at church, at social occasions and says the problem is with other people. I want to be sympathetic, to empathize because these changes - mobility and needing a cane and losing her ability to hear are not easy and a blow to her pride. I want to help her stay independent longer because she likes to socialize, volunteer, be around people. She lives on her own, still drives @ 92 and very independent/ stubborn. She lives around the corner from me. I don't want my discomfort to prevent me from being around her, being social, listening to her. I wish I could approach her differently, lighter, maybe with humor, but instead I get angry and worry more often than not which does not help. Suggestions?
If it is the dementia, the only real way to protect them is to supervise them and ensure they are using what they need. Reminders, explanations of what might happen, promising to not get them up if they fall, etc. doesn't mean much to them. Neither does nagging.
If she is living alone and behaving in ways that are unsafe, it's not wise to condone it. I'm not sure how you are related to her, but whoever is her DPOA, should look at it more closely. My loved one, who lived alone acted that way too, but the falls eventually created that crisis that put her into a facility.
But I think that generally it's the shock of so much ambient noises, even if the aids allow some of it to be toned down and/or out.
The best way is the method already suggested: don't speak any louder and eventually being left out of the conversation may be the prompt for using the aids.
2. Assistive devices. Whenever someone refuses and the family begs, chides and/or gets annoyed, that person has temporarily shifted the balance of control to him/herself.
Remember that these folks are losing control of their life in many other aspects; it's got to be a frightening situation for them.
Sometimes that's an issue; other times it's the issue of not wanting to have to use the devices b/c they're inconvenient, uncomfortable, and/or represent old age.
Over several years, I've backed off on insisting except when I feel it's mandatory, such as in snowy weather. I just got tired of having to remind, and sometimes even to nag. But I've also said that I'm tired of spending time in the ER, and if something happens I'll just call EMS and let them handle the issue.
A few sojourns in rehab for fractured femurs also helped with using assistive devices, but generally I let my father decide when he wants to use them, as I can easily tell from his gait whether or not he needs some help at that particular time.
I know when my Dad finally got his rolling walker, I bet all the neighbors lets out a sigh of relief and said "it's about time".
Usually one has to wait for a serious fall for those elders who refuse to use a cane/walker. Dad learned when he fell backwards on their driveway. Sadly my Mom never got to learn her lesson about not using a cane/walker as she is now in long-term-care as her last fall caused serious head trauma.
ellsbells377, feel free to use my Mom's case when talking to your Mom. That her next fall could result in her never coming home and being bedridden for the rest of her life. And don't be surprised if you Mom says that would never happen to her.... [rolling eyes].
When he refused to use his walker, my step-mom started refusing to help him walk. Said he was too heavy for her 75 year old body to support and if he fell, they would call 911 to get him up. After a few falls, he uses his walker.
I don't know if you want to go as tough as we did, but we sort of got fed up. Good luck