Mom is now about at mid-stage dementia and declining. We got her a Life Alert system once she was diagnosed.
I stop in several times a week and usually find her pendant sitting in the kitchen. I have her put it on and she always replies, “I just forgot, I’ll keep it on from now on.” She always asks how to use it and I’ll tell her every time how to activate it if she falls or feels unsafe.
Is there a particular system that would be more appropriate for her?
If your mother's dementia is at the point where she can't remember how to press the button on a LifeAlert pendant and call for help, she CANNOT live alone anymore.
I am still shocked when see posts like this. I shouldn't be having been an in-home caregiver for 25 years and now in the business of it. Yet, I still am.
Think of your mother in terms of a kindergarten age child. Would you leave a child living alone in a house as long as you stopped by several times a week? No, of course not.
Some people are just in denial
Unfortunately what you're saying is true. Many people are in denial about elderly family living on their own. I've called APS many times. Sure, you may anger the person you're calling on. You may get the wrath of family who don't want to place a LO. No one said doing the right thing was easy or fun. It's usually not either.
When my parents were 90, they lived in their own home. My brother and I lived in different states. We hesitated getting Life Alert bc I did not think my parents would know how to use it. And like you, I assumed my parents would take it off.
We would call our parents often, visit for the holidays. Our parents insisted that they were "fine" and did not need help. We took their word for it.
They looked presentable, the house was in order.
But it wasn't until I saw them for an extended visit, after the family meals and usual smiling faces wore off, where I discovered they did in fact need help.
My mom was going to the beauty parlor once a week, so she looked clean. But she was not bathing. No one knew when she last bathed.
Once the family visits ended, she'd put on her sweats, sleep in them and stay in them for days. She was wearing dirty old slippers that I had never seen before. But that's because she kept them in her bedroom closet, and I had no reason to go in there.
Both my parents' toenails were a mess. No one thinks to look at toenails. Because mostly we don't see them. I went in to their bathroom for some clippers, and discovered their bathroom looked like a hoarding situation. The rest of the house was in perfect condition. But I didn't know this, because during previous visits, I had no reason to go upstairs into their bathroom.
I was ashamed that I had let my mom live this way, despite her assurance that she and my dad were "doing just fine."
We ended up moving our parents out of their house to a neighborhood near my brother. That was two years ago.
In those two years we started with an in-home caregiver, twice a week, to get their hygiene under control. We added cameras to every room.
Then we slowly added caregiver shifts, as both parents began to decline.
They did not like the caregivers at first. Insisted they didn't need the help. But they refused to move to an assisted living facility.
After about a year and a half, we added 24 hours of in-home caregivers.
We got to my parents just in time--if we had listened to them when they told us they were "doing just fine" who knows what condition they'd be in.
They have been living in their new home near my brother for two years and three months. A month ago I started them on hospice. Their decline had begun when we moved them, we just didn't "see" it.
So I am glad we took action when we did. We got them out of their living situation, despite assurances they were fine. It was not easy but it needed to be done and they have much better care than when they lived alone.
Hopefully you can glean something helpful from my experience. And I hope you can find what works best for you and your situation.
Do not take her into your home and do not move into hers. A live-in caregiver is something you might want to consider, but that won't keep mom safe because the CG has to sleep sometimes. You'd need a team, probably three. Then relief caregivers. And you'd have to manage it.
The system you are looking for exists in a memory care facility. My husband is in one. He went there when I could no longer keep him safe at home. You may think that time is a long way away, but it isn't. Start looking at facilities now, and good luck in finding the right one for your mom.
That was a good effort to get the life alert,I hope you don't have a long contract to deal with. They'll only stop the billing after you return the system. Mom was missing a little key fob and they charged $100,at least they closed the account,finally!
Can you place a couple cameras in her home so you can keep an eye on her?
I don't know much about home cameras, so a family member bought and gave us a Blink camera, which is from Amazon, and they helped me to set up the app on my phone. It's not a great system, I don't know if others are better, but it works for my needs. I can keep an eye on my immobile husband if I leave the house for a bit to run errands, or go over to a neighbor's house for a little break.
I just check in on him from my phone, and I can talk to him through the same camera, and I can hear him. He's not really conversational, he has dementia, he mostly moans and groans and yells help a lot.
My husband would not know how to use a wearable device to get help. He just needs 24 hour supervision. I shouldn't even leave him for an hour like I do, but I have no one to help with his care, and the camera makes me feel better that I can look in on him and see if there's any trouble. And, I just need to get away sometimes! Even for a little bit!
If my Mom fell, she no longer had the strength to move her body to free her hand to even get to a phone.
A better solution, especially if she is spending time alone, is for her to have someone always immediately available.
Yes, I understand that this is a huge inconvenience. That is why senior day care, assisted living centers and memory care units are reasonable, yet costly alternatives to the issue.
P.S. I did get my Mom an Apple watch, which allowed me to abruptly stop whatever I was doing, and get to my Mom. One time, she was able to call out to us using the watch's SOS feature. The point being that one of us was contacted, which then everyone attempted to get hold of the designated contact (me)....who then immediately went to my Mom. However, the use of the Apple Watch required her to wear it.