My cousin is in AL and suffers from significant dementia. She has been liking the place for the last several months and crying to return when she goes for appointments, but for the last week she has repeatedly talked of going home. She says she loves the place and the people, but thinks she's well enough to go home now.
I realize she is likely referring to a home that she has in her mind and not her actual home, though she gives many details about the home, the neighbors, pets., etc.
She was doing quite poorly both physically and mentally lately, but she started on an antidepressant a little over a week ago and I think she may be feeling a little better. That's why I suspect she feels capable to go home now. Before, she was too weak to make such an assertion.
She has a fractured spine, fractured hand, needs assistance getting in and out of bed, extremely limited memory, diabetes, and other issues. Her neurologist will be meeting with us soon. She has Vascular Dementia and suspected Alzheimers. I had initially thought there was no reason to inform her if she has Alzheimers, but now I'm not so sure. I'm her POA and HCPOA. I just wonder if it would help her to hear that she can't go home because she has Allzheimers and Vascular Dementia or is it just as helpful to explain she has memory and physical issues that require to stay at a place they can help her. I know you can't reason with her, but I just wondered if anyone has any experience with someone getting that diagnosis and then it helping them stop talking of going home or does it even matter?
Don't be afraid to tell her about her diagnoses, then; but I wouldn't expect it to make much difference to her conversation. Just concentrate on the positives - it's great that she's comfortable in her ALF.
I guess I'm hoping for some sliver of rational, when there likely isn't any.
Another thing that concerns me is that yesterday I noticed that two other residents that she sees a lot said they were going home. (I don't that is true, but is in their mind.) One said she was going against her doctor's advice. The other kept saying there was no reason she couldn't live alone. (In reality they lady look very ill and told she has severe heart problems.) Both of these other residents appear to have significant memory issues. I wonder if they are influencing her to talk of leaving too. I'm not sure how to stop that. There's no way to control what they say around her.
The only thing that bothered me is that she said one day she would go out the front door, but it would be with me. I hope she meant that, but she's never said anything about going out those doors before. She normally hates leaving. We have to beg to get her to a doctor appointments, because she hates to leave the building. She doesn't even go outside on the patio, which is enclosed with a fence. She's in a wheelchair and can't walk more than one step unassisted, so she couldn't get far, but still. I have to wonder if she's getting to a wandering stage. I never thought she would be go there, since she has always been a home body, who hates sunshine. lol
Just this morning, she was looking in her curio cabinet...telling me who gave here what and she said it all looked just like the one she had at home.... then this look went across her face and she said it was her cabinet...., but she was still confused that it was at this place she is staying..... sometimes I simply try to redirect her if she asks many times in a row.... like, there is some apple pie and ice cream, would you like some..... sometimes she is onto me..... and gives me a dirty look.... it is confusing to me, so can only imagine what goes on in her mind.... I hate this disease, no matter what form it takes.....
It's odd what you said about your lady. My cousin gets mixed up too. She gets confused over what is in her room and whether it was the same as in her house. At times she asks me if she's dreaming and if things are real or not. It's heartbreaking. I try to reassure her and tell her she's fine.
Another thing to be aware of is that many people at the end of life when they are begining to fail mean that they want to go home to heaven.
i think you just have to keep doing the excellent job you are doing and keep the staff in the loop about any new or unusual behaviour.