My grandmother is 84 and diagnosed with Alzheimer's. After a bad fall last month, my family realized how bad off she was and she has been staying with her daughter, myself and my brother since then. We live hours away from her house and her son lives several states away. She cannot return to her house on her own as that was unsafe, but living here is also very unsafe. Do we have any options that do not cost thousands of dollars or require waiting months for paperwork to be processed and beds to open up? Are there any placement options for urgent needs when families do not have the money for higher end facilities?
The problems we are facing are a several compounding ones and we don't know what to do. I am moving out of the country in 2 weeks. In that time, I am able to do a lot of the care taking because I am not working leading up to that move. My mom and brother both work 10-12 hour days 5-6 days per week. When I am gone, my grandmother will be almost as alone as when she was at her house.
In the time that she has been here, we were able to get her PCP switched to one who can come to the house here. But we have not even been able to get the Needs form for Medicaid to be filled out yet let alone a bed to open up. She has almost no money - my uncle has POA and is working on the steps for her to be able to go into a facility but that is not a fast process.
Even with me being home with her all day, we are having so many issues that make it clear she will be extremely unsafe once I have moved. She is having bathroom accidents almost once per day and doesn't realize it. Twice she has had a very bad bowel movement emergency and got poop all over herself, the floors, the walls, the sink, etc. Had we not been around she would have tracked it throughout the house and sat on couches or chairs.
She has tried to answer the door to every person that knocks or rings if I am not quicker to block her way. She leaves water running. She leaves the coffee pot on and has tried to microwave metal but I managed to stop her. She has talked about wanting to let the cats we have outside when they are indoor cats only.
We are very worried about her safety and the safety of the house when I move and she will be alone for 10-12 hours per day. Her insurance covers some home health but just one session per week. We have no money to help her and she has very little money of her own. Long term, my uncle is working on a plan but what do we do when I move?
No family member is responsible to pay for your grandmothers care, so if money is an issue she'll have to apply for Medicaid.
Have your mom call your local Area Agency on Aging first thing Monday morning and get the ball rolling in finding your grandmother the best care possible that SHE can afford.
Would calling that agency have any resources for what to do with her in the meantime? Like until her house can be sold or Medicaid can be approved and an available spot found. She had a reverse mortgage on her house so there’s a chance she won’t have much even after selling the house.
Her brother, the PoA, needs to know what he's doing in handling her finances so that he doesn't inadvertently cause her Medicaid qualification to be delayed or denied. He needs to consult with an elder law attorney. It will be worth the fee.
For now, he will need to use whatever funds she has in her savings and start selling any assets, like a car, and start prepping her house for sale. Hopefully his PoA authority includes real estate transactions.
I hope you have grandma in Depends.
and yes to the Depends. We got rid of all her regular underwear because she kept trying to change into them when we weren’t looking. She tries to clean up her messes and hide them. So even with the depends, the mess isn’t as bad but she’ll touch all the mess and make it worse trying to clean up herself if I didn’t see her go to the bathroom first and step in.
The ideal thing you would do in this situation, although I think it's too late for you, is when grandma has a bad fall, she goes to the hospital, and from the hospital, you DO NOT TAKE HER HOME! She would be transferred to a short-term rehab skilled nursing facility, and from there, the family tells her doctor that she can not live at home safely on her own, there is no one to care for her, and she needs to be placed in a skilled nursing facility long term.
It is not for YOU to worry about how uncle will handle this after you move. It is his responsibility. If he is struggling, and you want to help him before you leave, then start by touring nursing homes, meet with an admissions director and ask questions. They will help to guide you through this transition. If she has very little money, she is eligible for Medicaid. This should not be a long process! Its just a form to fill out. If uncle is not very good at this, then you can help him get through it.
If she owns her home, Uncle needs to meet with the bank who holds the reverse mortgage and explain that grandma will be going into long term care, and the house needs to be sold pronto! Family should get together now and remove any personal belongings for her and family heirlooms they wish to save.
She can not be left alone at the house! Someone will need to take a leave of absence or hire a caregiver to be with her. This is an unfortunate hardship on the family. It will continue to be a hardship until her house gets sold, and she is placed in a care facility. Whatever money she has will pay the care home, and meanwhile, have the Medicaid application ready to submit as soon as she is down to a couple thousand dollars. Once she's already in a bed, the facility will wait for the pending Medicaid application.